What Hurts The Most

I fucked everything up.

She trusted me enough to tell me her feelings and I ruined it. I feel like I lead her on. I took her out for a good time, I let her believe I had some kind of feelings towards her, which isn't a lie, I do but I can't face it. I don't know how to do this. I have never felt this way before.

We've known each other for so long that I saw her as a friend, it wasn't until recently that I started to see her as something more. All my friends told me to go for it, to drop Dani but I only listened when she said anyhing about it. I never cared about hurting the girls I messed around with until her.

**

"Tony, what did you do?" Vic said, I could see the confusing in his face as we stood in Skye's backyard. She had gotten drunk and Jaime had come to check on her but when he got here, she wouldn't let him in and he called us. When we all got here, I stayed quiet, she was passed out on her bed with a half a bottle downed.

"Vic, I... I messed up. She told me how she felt and I.. I was just in shock and I left." I said, disappointed in myself.

"Dude, we told you so many times that she loved you. Shit, you've told us that you liked her too! Why in the fuck would you just leave?" He asked.

"I just didn't know what to do! I've never had someone just confess their feelings to me!" I said and sighed, rubbing my face anxiously.

"You know what, just go home. We'll figure this out another day." He sighed and went back inside.

I went home and tried to think of what I can do and then felt betrayed. My three best friends took her side! I'm their band mate and their best friend! They should be here for me, not her!

**

The week has been rough, I've gotten back with Dani for no reason other than to piss people off and keep me occupied. She means nothing to me.

My friends told me it was a dumb thing to do and I know that, I just wanted something to take my mind off of the stupid things I've done.

I haven't talked to Skye but she seems okay, Jaime tells me she's fine. Dani is very protective... well obsessive of me. She's still the same clueless and oblivious girl.

**

"I can't do this, I can't not talk to her." I said to myself with a sigh as I sat on my bed. I had been crying, not that I would admit it to anyone. I broke my own heart in the mix of things.

She looked fine without me while I was sat here looking like a mess.

I had to do something about it. I grabbed my jacket and headed over to her house.

I sat on her porch steps trying to gain the courage to knock. She had only gotten home a half hour ago so I knew she was probably sat on her couch doing her homework. I wonder why she was so late today.

I finally decided to just do it. If she can confess, so can I.

I knocked and as soon as the door opened I walked in, no words towards her and stood in her kitchen staring out the window, trying to find the words to say to make this better between us.

"Hello? Tony?!" She yelled and I turned to face her, she looked pissed but confused as to why I was here.

"I fucked up." I said and she just looked at me, I probably looked horrible; bloodshot eyes, red runny nose.

"What?" she asked, probably still wondering why I'm even here. I walked over to sit on her couch and thought carefully about how to word this.

"I fucked up big time with you Skye. When you told me how you felt, I just didn't know what to say and I freaked out. I've never had someone do that, I didn't know how to react other than to leave and collect myself. I didn't know that you would hate me for it." I said in a rush. She looked at me as tears started to well up in my eyes. I didn't want to cry but I guess this is how she must have felt when she told me.

"Tony, you don't have to do this." She said, a croak in her voice made me want to continue. I wanted everything out there so we can figure out where to go next.

"No, I do. All of this has to be said." I took a deep breath and looked around the room to calm down.

"I've wanted to say this since we started hanging out. Over the past year or so of me coming over here after school to talk and even though it felt weird, I knew you were someone I could trust. I've known you've liked me for a long time, everyone always poked fun at you for keeping such a close eye on me, they never knew we were... close I guess. I always played it off as just a crush that would go away. When I was with Danielle... I never felt comfortable like I did with you. There was never a connection between her and I. Jaime, Mike and Vic always told me to just drop her and it wasn't until you had said something about her that I finally listened. I dropped her to give you a chance. I knew how sad you could get and I knew how lonely you were, that's why I invited you out to that concert. I wanted to make you happy, even if it was for just a night then I fucked it up. I always fuck good things up. I know Jaime told you to go for it and say something to me, he told me the same thing but I didn't have the balls to do it. So now here I am trying to make things right. I know this is probably stupid but Skye, I fucking love you and I can't stand that we aren't talking or hanging out. I miss you." I said, holding my breath until she answered.


"Tony... I don't know what to say. I mean, I'm happy that you've finally said something but this is a lot to take in." I could see some kind of panic in her eyes.

"What's wrong?" I asked instantly, she just shook her head.

"Listen, I think you should go and talk to Dani because she thinks you guys are together again. Explain whatever this is between us to her and then I'll give you an answer or something to all of this." It stung that she was being so cold towards me. I get that I broke her heart nearly three weeks ago but jesus fucking christ, can't I catch a break?

I nodded and got up to leave but she stopped me briefly.

"Tony, don't take this as a no. I still love you but you need to get Danielle off my back. She attacked me in the hallway today, she's nuts. She told me to stay away from you and if I don't she's gonna make my life hell." The fear in her eyes was enough to boil my blood.

"I'll take care of it. I'll see you tomorrow Skye." I said and left to talk to Dani. Who the fuck threatens somebody? She probably had her little friends with her to back her up.


Everything seems to be getting back to normal now.

Notes

this is the last one for tonight, I'll see you probably during the week, Have a great weekend guys!

Love you all <3
~Becca xx