The pact

I screamed at the top of my lungs but she didn’t do anything. She just kept staring at me from a few feet away from me. A cold dead stare that sent shivers down my spine. How could she just look at me?
My fingers felt painful, but I kept holding on to the rough stone surface. My feet felt like they were made of stone, but I kept fighting to hang on to the edge of the cliff I was hanging on to. My muscles felt weak and they started to hurt, but all my instincts told me to do everything I could to stay alive.
I wanted to look down, to see how deep it was, but I knew that was probably not the best idea. Panic took over my body and I let out a loud scream to get it out of me, but the panic kept rushing through my veins.
I looked over to her, staring at me. “Help me!” I screamed at her. “please. Mom”
At first I thought that mom wasn’t going to do anything and would just keep staring at me. Then a smile suddenly covered her face. Her smile turned into laughter. She held her stomach as she threw back her head.
My fingers were slowly giving in and I felt them slide closer to the edge. Tears started streaming over my face. I let out a groan as I tried everything I could to hold on.
My mom stopped laughing and the emotionless cold stare appeared on her face again. If I wouldn’t be hanging from a cliff, I would’ve been afraid that she would kill me.
She started to walk closer to me and eventually kneeled down before me, while she did this she kept staring at me.
She reached out her hand and put her index finger and thumb on both sides of my face to squish my cheeks together. A nasty grin covered her face.
She let go of my face and took both my hands to lift me up a bit. Relieve washed over me. I should’ve known she wouldn’t let me die. Whatever happened, I was still her daughter.
But she kept me far away from her, so I was still hanging above the deep abyss. I looked up to her with a confused face. She just smiled her nasty grin. “Don’t call me mom.” She said barely moving her lips. “You’re not my daughter anymore.”
Even though I had more serious problems to worry about, the words still repeated in my head, giving me a feeling like I had been stabbed with a knife at every word.
She let out a short chuckle as she let go of my hands. I let out a scream as I fell down, the darkness coming closer. The fall seemed to last forever but eventually my vision got blurry and everything got dark.

I woke up covered in sweat, almost jumping out of bed. The first few seconds I still felt like I was falling. My breathing was still heavily. I tried to calm myself down, to prevent myself from having another panic attack.
I went with a hand through my hair. It was wet and greasy. I was still panting too fast, but I started to calm down a little as I tried to tell myself it was all a dream. It had seemed so real though. I hadn’t had a dream like this forever. It was intense and I could feel the emotions I would’ve felt if it had really happened.
I looked at my hands, half expecting them to be covered with blood from holding on to the cliff. Instead they were clammy and wet from the sweating.
My breathing had slowed down completely and I slowly came back to earth. It was all a dream. None of it had happened. I wasn’t dead.
My mom had betrayed me though… Reality didn’t really hit me. It was almost like the scene in the living room had never happened. It probably was because I had never thought my mom could be capable of such a thing. She had turned into a completely different person. Normally she was just annoying and grumpy. A few hours ago she had looked dangerous and insane. And it wasn’t a good type of insane.
I sighed and looked at the silver clock that hang on the wall on the other side of the room. Five am. It was no use of going to sleep again. I was still in that phase after a bad dream in which you don’t dare to go to sleep and I had to stand up for school in two hours anyway.
I lifted up the bed sheets and swung my legs of the matrass. My legs bungling from the edge of the bed made me think of the dream I had just had and I shook my head in an attempt to shake it off.
I was just trying to think of what to do when my stomach started grumbling. I could probably go downstairs without waking my parents up. I really needed a midnight snacks. I jumped on my feet and started to walk to the stairs. As I was walking down, I was thinking about how much I wanted one of Mrs. Fuentes’ taco’s right now. Damn, that would be good right now. Mexican food had the ability to cheer you up no matter how down you felt. And I felt very down.
I walked into the kitchen and walked straight to the fridge. I opened it to see that it only had a few things in it. A few leftovers from last night’s diner (salad) and two tomato’s. I silently cursed my mom’s obsession with healthy food. I closed the door of the fridge and opened a cabinet. I found the chocolate chip cookies my mom always bought for if guests came over. I grabbed the box it and opened it. We never had guests anyway, my parents didn’t really have friends here. I think my dad was just like me scared to introduce people to my mom and my mom was, well…my mom. No one really liked her.
As I brought one of the cookies to my mouth I stood on my tiptoes to see if there was something else in the cabinet. I saw a bottle of wine.
No Luna. You can’t drink on a school’s night. I thought to myself. I hadn’t drank since that time I got completely drunk and I was planning on keeping it that way, as it didn’t end that well.
But it did make me feel better…I had felt terrible that night and as soon as I started drinking I had felt slightly better. I needed that feeling of dizzy happiness right now. My emotions were getting to much for my head and my heart to handle. It was probably going to be out of my system by the time I had to go to school anyway. Right?
I knew it was a bad idea, but I still stretched out my hand and grabbed the half full bottle. I closed the cabinet and looked around me to find wine glasses. Where did my parents keep those things? Ah well, fuck it. I took the cork of the bottle and took a sip of the fluid. I had never had wine before, but I hadn’t decided if I liked it or not. It was bitter, but not necessarily in a bad way. I put the bottle to my lips again and took a bigger gulp of the wine.
Ugh, I didn’t feel anything. I didn’t need to be drunk, I just needed to feel the happiness the tequila had gave me. Then I suddenly remembered that wine had a way lower alcohol percentage as tequila. It also was the second instead of the first time I had been drinking, so I probably needed to drink more to feel something.
I put the bottle to my mouth again and threw my head back so I could put the bottle vertically. I suddenly realised that I was really thirsty and I gulped down all the fluid that was still in the bottle. I took it from my lips as I realised it was empty. I had just drunk an entire bottle of wine. My mom was definitely going to notice that her wine was gone. Maybe she would think my dad did it or something. I threw the empty bottle in the trashcan.
Suddenly I felt really lightheaded and I knew the alcohol was setting in. The corners of my vision became blurry. I looked through the window, the street lamps seemed to move in a weird way. It was actually really pretty.
A feeling of happiness washed over me as I realised that all the things I had worried about were not really that serious. Everything would be alright.
I chuckled. Stupid me. Why did I worry so much? Life was beautiful! Things were going to be alright!
I danced around a little as I silently sung ‘dream on’ by Aerosmith. “sing with me, sing for the years, sing for the laughter, sing for the tears.” I ran a finger over my cheek, imitating a tear at the last part. I chuckled at myself. Sometimes I was so funny.
Wow. I must’ve been really drunk, I never laughed at my own jokes. And definitely at shitty things like this one.
The rest of the night I watched sappy soaps on the TV. I laughed out loud at the jokes. I didn’t even seem to realise anymore that my parents were still sleeping. I just wanted to make the most of the short time I still felt happy. I hadn’t felt truly happy in days. I knew the sadness was going to blow up in my face as soon as the alcohol would be out of my veins, but I didn’t really seemed to realise it. I didn’t want to think about it either.
A few minutes before seven o’clock I went upstairs. I knew my parents’ alarm would go off at seven. As I walked into my room, I realised I couldn’t walk straight. It scared me, because I had school at eight. What if I was still drunk by that time? I couldn’t be drunk at school! People would laugh at me more than they already did. I just gave them another reason to make fun of me. And what would Vic think of me? Would he be disappointed if I showed up drunk at school? Or would he just laugh?
I started panicking at the thought of Vic being mad at me. I knew the alcohol was getting in my head, but I still cared a lot about what he thought of me.
Then I suddenly realised that the school had a strict no-alcohol policy. They suspended everyone who drunk anyway. I had even heard about people being expelled.
I paced up and down the room as I went through the possibilities. They wouldn’t expel me, right? This was my first time, they would probably give me a warning or suspend me. But what if they didn’t? My mom would, maybe even literally, kill me if I got expelled.
Thoughts raced through my head and I couldn’t handle it in my drunk state. I put my hands up to my temples and rubbed them, hoping that it would silence the thoughts, but it didn’t.
Eventually I just fell on my bed and broke down crying. I buried my head in the pillow and loud sobs escaped my lungs. It felt like I cried for hours, while in reality it was only a few minutes. It was still hard to stop though. Why did my life had to go this way? What did I do to bring this terror over me?

*

“Wow. You look awful.”
I didn’t look up at Vic as I sat down at my usual seat next to him in France class. “Thank you, Vic. I really needed that.” I said as I rubbed my hands over my greasy make-upless face. The crying had sobered me up a bit, but my head was now hurting like crazy.
“I’m sorry I didn’t mean it like that.” I heard Vic say from beside me, worry prominent in his voice. “Are you hungover?” From the corner of my eyes I saw him turn his face around so he could look at mine. Like he searched for prove on my face.
I bit my lip. I didn’t want him to know, though I really wanted to talk to him about it. I nodded my head, knowing that if I said anything I would break down crying again. I normally wasn’t a person to cry easily, but because of the hangover, a lack of sleep and the memory of my mom hitting me I was way more sensitive.
“Oh” Vic said. I knew it. He is disappointed. “I can kinda understand why you did that I suppose…”
I looked up to him in surprise. “You’re not disappointed?”
Vic let out a surprised chuckle. “No of course not. Would you be if I did the same?”
I thought about it and shook my head. I would understand it too. Of course I would think it was stupid of him to drink on a school night, but I would most likely just worry about him.
I sighed. This felt like a weight lifted of my shoulders. There were a lot of weights on them though, so my shoulders still had a lot to carry.
I suddenly felt Vic’s hand on my shoulder, squeezing it a little. “I actually already know the answer, but I’m still gonna ask it. Are you okay? You can talk to me about it if you want to. Just know that I’m here for you.”
Then the tears started to roll down my cheeks. I just couldn’t hold them back anymore. His sincere words had broken the wall I held up to keep me from crying. I was surprised I could still cry after the amount of tears I let out this morning. I was just so tired, not only in the physical way, but also mentally. It was like the actions of my mom had shook me off of my little cloud and reality was washing over me. Things like the things Jessie, Peter and Ryan had said suddenly started haunting my head too. Just like my fight with Mike. It wasn’t like I wasn’t sad about these things before. They just hit me in the face right now.
I heard muffled voices around me, but I really didn’t care. I just let it all out. There was no use in holding them back.
I suddenly felt two arms around my waist, pulling me out of my chair and on my feet. I noticed it was Vic. One hand left my waist, but the other one remained at its place. I laid my head on his shoulder and rested most of my weight on him. The crying had made me feel numb.
“I’ll take her outside for a little bit of fresh air.” Vic said to the teacher and he nodded. We started to walk out of the classroom. As I walked past Jessie’s seat I heard her say: “Ugh, cry baby. Try to walk under a bus while you at it.”
I tried to hold the tears back until we were out of the classroom, but I couldn’t hold them back and the sobs escaped my lungs. Now she was getting in my head to.
Me and Vic walked outside and he lead me to a low stone wall and we sat down on it. His hand stayed around my back the entire time and I was happy so. It was like it was the only thing keeping me together.
“So what happened?” Vic asked and I knew he was talking about last night. I bit my lip trying to hold it back, but I was too weak and I blurred it all out.
“I dreamed about my mom throwing me of a cliff and I started panicking. But I couldn’t go back to sleep so I walked downstairs to eat something and then I found a bottle of wine in the cabinet and I just couldn’t resist it. I gulped down half of the bottle and it felt so good, I felt so good, but then I started panicking because I didn’t want to show up at school drunk and then I started crying and I sobered up, but I got a hangover and everything is just too much.” I said all the words too fast and I hoped they still made sense.
I felt Vic’s hand leave my back to push my head to his shoulder. I gladly accepted the gesture and laid down at his shoulder. He started to stroke my hair. “I know it sounds cliché, but it’s gonna be okay, alright?” These simple words off him comforted me and allowed my lips to curl in a slight smile.
“Probably, I’m sorry for all the crying. I’m probably exaggerating.” I said and I let out a sigh.
“Firstly, it’s okay. You always have to put up with me being emotional, the least I can do is be there for you.”
I let out a chuckle. It kind of became an inside joke of us to make jokes about Vic being a drama queen, while in reality he hadn’t cried since the day he told me his background story. He was just a little less down to earth as I was, and yes a bit more emotional. But it was funny that he owned up to it and made fun of himself.
“Secondly, you’re not exaggerating. It’s not nothing what has happened, Luna. It’s not weird that you freaked out.”
He was still patting my hair and I leaned down a little to curl up against his chest. This was slightly awkward because of our kiss of yesterday, but I didn’t care. He made me feel safe and I needed that right now. I just needed to lay in his arms like this. “I don’t feel safe anymore, expect when I’m with you.” I felt blood rush to my cheeks. I wasn’t meant to say that last part. “My mom makes me feel unsafe.” I said hoping he hadn’t heard the part about him.
I heard him let out a breath. “Why don’t you stay over at my place for a while? I’m sure my mom wouldn’t mind. I don’t like it that you live with that woman in one house.”
I forced myself to sit up and I looked up at him. “I think that it would only make things worse.”
I saw him doubting my decision. “I don’t know…what if she does it again?”
I felt the panic build up in me again so I tried to make a joke out of it. “Then I just call you and you can yell at her again. Because damn boy, you’re good at yelling at people. You should be the coach of the football team, maybe we would finally win something then.”
He threw his head back in laughter. “Well, as you noticed, it runs in the family.” He said.
I thought about my fight with Mike and it was the first time I had laughed over it.
“But really. If it happens again, call me, call the police. You can’t just stay there.” His face was serious again.
“If I call the police I get either placed out of house, or my mom would get really angry at me. No, I think I’m just going to act like a really good kid. I just won’t give her any reason to do it again.” I sighed.
“Okay, but just be careful okay?” he said worry still prominent in his voice. I didn’t want him to worry about me, but I was still happy he cared enough about me to worry about me.
“I will, Vic.” I said as I laid my head back on his shoulder. “Please don’t worry about me.”

Notes

Heyyy guys,

Wow, this is quite a dramatic chapter. This chapter was meant to be an awkward upbeat chapter XD. I guess I just really like writing dramatic parts. Is this story too dramatic? Do you guys want more funny parts? Just tell me so, I rather have you guys say so if it is, than that you don't say it to protect my feelings. I just want this story to be really good :)

Okay so I wanted to write two chapters today and maybe even make a start on the three other stories I had in mind (a Jaime, a Tony and a Mike story!) but writing always takes up more time as I intent to XD

thank you guys for reading and commenting. You're guys are all so sweet. I love the little group of readers I have :) it's cosy and fun.

XXXX
Nicky

ps. Dramatic chapter coming up lol.