The pact

I’ve known it for longer. I just didn’t want to know I guess. I had put the thought far away, so I couldn’t reach it. I was in denial. Something like this couldn’t have happened. But it has.
It all happened on March eighth 2001. Four days before my seventeenth birthday.
I had met up with Vic in my room that day. We were studying. We hadn’t done that in weeks. Mostly when we met up we just hung out, sometimes at home and sometimes we went out. At times we would meet up with Tony and Jaime.
But tomorrow we had a big history test and, well if I sucked at something, it was history. I just couldn’t memorize it. Maybe it was because of all the teachers I had had for history. Most of them were utterly boring.
I was sitting on my bed with my book on my legs and I was reading it out loud. I think it was about the civil war or something. Like I said, I don’t remember those things.
Vic was spinning around in my desk chair. He didn’t look like he was paying attention either. We had been trying to get it this in our head for two hours and it just didn’t work.
I can tell you, it’s rather depressing to spent two hours trying to memorize something you’re not interested in.
“While not all Southerners saw themselves as fighting to preserve slavery, most of the officers and over a third of the rank and file in Lee's army had close family ties to slavery. To Northerners, in contrast, the motivation was primarily to preserve the Union, not to abolish slavery. Abraham Lincoln consistently made-“ I read until Vic interrupted me.
“Can we have a break?’’ He asked. “Two hours of this is too much for anyone. I think I’m gonna dream about dates of battles tonight.’’
I chuckled and lied the book down next to me. “Yeah I think we deserve a short break.’’
“We deserve a golden medal.” He said looking up to the ceiling as he was still spinning around in my chair.
“Ugh. Drama queen.” I rolled my eyes.
He stopped spinning and shot me semi-angry look. “I’m NOT a drama queen.” He accentuated ‘not’.
“Yes you are.” I said laughing at him.
“It’s an American thing.”
“No it’s a Vic thing.”
He laughed and threw the pillow that was on his chair to my face. “Well, you are the one friends with a drama queen.”
“I never said I didn’t like it.” I said smiling at him. He smiled back and looked at me with his chocolate coloured eyes. As I felt the usual flashes of butterflies in my stomach, I decided to look away.
“I’m gonna get something to drink for the both of us.” I said and I walked out of the room without looking at him. I walked down the stairs and saw that my mom and dad were sitting in the living room. Like always I ignored them and walked past them to the fridge. I took two cans of coke out of the fridge and was about to walk back up again when my mom started talking to me. “Nan called.” She was reading a book and she wasn’t looking up from it while she was talking to me.
I raised an eyebrow. “so?’’ Nan called all the time. I didn’t see why she had to tell me.
“She asked if we wanted to come back to England to visit her this summer.” She said monotonously. She licked her finger and flicked a page.
I got really excited. I really wanted to go back to England to see my grandma and Casey. I loved America more than England, but my heart would always belong there. It’s hard to explain. ‘’So are we going?’’ I asked happily.
She just nodded and I squeaked of excitement. A smile grew on my face as I thought about my grandma’s chocolate cookies and hanging out at the skateboarding park with Casey.
“She said you could bring someone.’’ My mom said. My mind immediately shot to Vic. I talked a lot about England with him and it would be so nice to show him where I grew up.
“I told her you’d bring Jessie.” My mom said, still not looking up from her book.
My heart sank as I thought about Jessie and what she did to me. “Mom, I don’t talk a lot to Jessie anymore…I thought about bringing Vic.”
Then my mom put down her book and looked at me. ‘’Definitely not. If you want to ruin your life by hanging out with this kind of people, go ahead. But you’re not bringing that goth to nan.”
I rolled my eyes. “Mom he is not a goth and I’m not bringing Jessie. She’s being mean to me.”
I saw the annoyance in my mother’s eyes grow. “Well you probably said something wrong, Luna. Go apologize to hear. I’m sure she will forgive you.”
Now I got angry. I made my hands into fists. “Firstly, I did, she didn’t forgive me. Secondly, I don’t want to hang out with her anymore, mother. She calls me a slut in the hallways of school and she always pushes me into the lockers when I walk by.”
She rolled her eyes and sighed. “I highly doubt that. She is such a sweet, neat girl. She would never do that.” She took up her book again, like I wasn’t worth paying attention to. It annoyed me. She just didn’t care!
I started screaming. “Mom! Are you really so vain to trust a random girl above your own daughter?! I’m telling you that I get bullied and you’re practically saying that it’s my own fault!” My temperature was rising and I could feel tears burning in my eyes. Why did I still care so much about what she thought?
Now my mom exploded too. She stood up and looked at me. “It is your fault!’’ Her words burned in my mind and I knew that these words would haunt me. It had happened before. “If you wouldn’t dress that way and hung out with those alternative, drug addicted kids, you wouldn’t be bullied! When are you gonna see that I want to help you! I know best!”
In the corner of my eyes I saw my dad stand up and walk out of the room. He always did that when me and my mom argued. He couldn’t handle it. I didn’t blame him for it, but at the other hand, I wanted him to stand up for me. I felt so small when I argued with my mom and I just needed my strong father to be there. But at this moment, I was so mad at her that I didn’t feel small anymore. It was like I was possessed by someone who could stand up for herself.
“You know nothing mother.” I said with disgust in my voice. “You say you know what will make me happy in the long run, but in reality you make me feel miserable. You only think about yourself. You want everyone around you to be exactly who you want them to be. You don’t care about me, you don’t care about dad. We just fit inside your perfectly little picture of a perfect family. So much for mother daughter love, you don’t care that I get beaten up in school. You have never cared about everyone. You just use us and I’m sick of it. I’m sick of trying to fit inside your dream picture. Go find another doll to dress, you selfish bitch!” I couldn’t believe I had said that. This was everything I ever wanted to say to her.
I didn’t have time to think about it though. Because seconds later something happened which I thought would never happen.
I felt a burning sensation on my left cheek. The force of her hand pushed me back and I fell on the ground. I moved my hand to the left side of my face as I realised she had just hit me. But that was not even what scared me the most. Shivers went down my spine as I looked up to my mom. She didn’t look shocked, she didn’t regret it.
“Y-you.” I chocked on my words. “You just h-hit m-me. You hit your own daughter.”
For a moment she was silent, her face emotionless. Then she bowed down and she brought her face closer to mine until her face was only a few inches away from me. I could feel her breath on my face as she said: “You’re not my daughter anymore.” Her words echoed in my mind and I knew that I would never forget them. “You’re a stranger. I don’t recognize anything of myself in you.”
I wanted to cry, but something was blocking my eyelids. I wanted to move, but my muscles were frozen. I wanted to say something, but my mind was filled with my mother’s words.
A wave of sadness came over me. An Intense sadness had never felt before. I suddenly felt like I was not worth anything. What kind of person was I if even my own mother didn’t want me anymore?
I didn’t even move when she pulled up her hand to hit me again. It didn’t matter anymore, my life was crumbling down now anyways. I closed my eyes and waited for the impact of her hand…But it never came.
As I slowly opened my eyes I saw Vic holding my mother’s wrist. Why didn’t I see him coming down here? I suddenly felt ashamed. I didn’t want Vic to know about this. I didn’t want anyone to know about this.
My mom looked at him with a look of anger mixed with shame, but anger won in the end. Her eyes looked like they were filled with fire. She gave him the look she always gave to me, but he didn’t look scared. Vic just stared back, equally angry. It was a weird scene. My mom was at least a foot taller than Vic, but he looked at least as threatening.
“Let go of me! Or I’ll call the police!’’ my mother screamed at Vic. He didn’t flinch. How did he get so brave?
“Yeah good idea.” He said calmly. “When they get here I can tell them how I saw you hit your own daughter.”
He let go of her, throwing her wrist away. He walked over to me and helped me to stand up. He laid his hands on my shoulders and looked inside my eyes. There was compassion visible in it now, but anger still burned in them too. “Are you okay?” he asked.
I shook my head. I was trembling all over.
“Get away from her, stupid boy.” My mom said and Vic turned around to face her again.
“Not until she is safe.” He said and my heart started beating faster. He took my hand and he led me towards the front door.
“You’re not going anywhere!” My mom screamed at us. “I can’t let you go to the police. That wouldn’t be fair. She is my daughter and I decide what to do with her. She deserved to be hit!”
I felt Vic’s hand tighten around mine. I looked up at him. His eyes narrowed and he bit his under lip, like he was holding something back. Then he turned around to my mom and let go of my hand.
“She doesn’t deserve that! She deserves to be happy more than anyone!” He screamed at my mom. He pointed his index finger to her while he was talking. “Maybe she was adopted, because I don’t see any resembles! She helps people and she cares. To be honest, I don’t know how she turned out to be the amazing person she is with such an awful mother! I will protect her with my life, even if that means hurting you. If you touch her one more time, I’ll swear, you won’t see sunlight anymore.”
I had never seen Vic like this before. Even not when I was fighting with Mike. He was breathing heavily from the adrenaline and his hands were fists.
My mom was quiet for a moment and then she started laughing. “You don’t know anything about the world, boy. The world is not about being nice, it’s about taking what is yours and living like you want to.”
Vic calmed down a little. “It’s about both. But in the life I want, the people I care about still like me, and I accomplish that by not hitting them in the face. By the way, you don’t just take what is yours. You don’t own people.” He turned around again took my hand and dragged me outside the house. I heard the door fall shut as we started walking away from my house. The house in which I would never feel safe again.
While we were walking I felt numb. The words of my mother still echoed in my head. I never wanted to cut myself more than in that moment. Part of me wanted to run away from Vic and take out my little silver blade, but the other part of me didn’t want to leave the safe feeling Vic gave me.
I didn’t really see where we were going. I saw flashes of cars and houses, but I didn’t pay attention to them. Everything was blurry and my head didn’t give me any space to think about anything.
I don’t know for how long we were walking. It didn’t matter, but I wanted to sit down, because my legs were shaking and I was afraid I was going to fall down.
A few minutes later Vic placed a hand on my back and led me to a bench. I sat down, without knowing if there was anyone around. Honestly, I didn’t care.
Vic’s hand stayed on my back and he started patting it up and down. That was the only thing I noticed about my surroundings.
I was silent, it was like something blocked my throat. I wanted Vic to say something. Anything. But he didn’t and the silence pushed me over the edge of insanity.
The voices in my head were killing me as also the realisation of what had happened set in. It suddenly became so noisy in my head, like a thousand people were talking to me and they weren’t saying nice things. I wanted them to stop, but they didn’t and panic started to fill up my body. My breathing started to speed up. I tried to control it, but it was like I didn’t have the control over my lungs anymore. I started hyperventilating. I felt Vic hold my shoulders, but my vision was blurry. I heard him saying things like ‘what’s happening?’ and ‘are you okay?’ I couldn’t make out the other things he said.
I knew I was having a panic attack. I had had one before back in England the day I had lost all my friends. But this one was heavier. I honestly thought I was going to die.
I held my arms across my chest in an attempt to control my breathing, but it only made it worse, so I let them down alongside my body again.
My head suddenly felt very heavy and just at the moment I thought I was going to pass out, I felt a hand under my chin. I felt Vic moving my face towards him. I didn’t realise what was happening until I felt his lips crash on mine. Out of shock I held my breath and my body relaxed. I closed my eyes and pushed my lips closer to his.
Time seemed to freeze as we sat there. It was probably only a few seconds, but it felt like hours. The voices in my head faded away into distant whispers.
We slowly pulled away and I felt his lips brush against mine as I opened my eyes. Vic had opened them too and he looked just as shocked as I was.
His hand let go of my chin and he moved his head further away from me. He didn’t take his eyes of mine when he did this.
I realised my panic attack was gone. For some reason his lips were the cure for my hyperventilating lungs.
I wanted to say something, but didn’t remember how to speak. “W-why did you do that?’’ I finally managed to say. I would’ve looked away if I could have. My eyes were locked to his.
“I-I was watching television the other day and there was this boy having a panic attack and this girl was there and she kissed him and his panic attack stopped. She told him that holding your breath helps against a panic attack and when you kiss you hold your breath. I told you to hold your breath, but it was like you couldn’t hear me. I wanted to do something before you passed out or something. So I decided to kiss you.” He said and he turned red.
For some reason I was disappointed that he kissed me for that reason. I wanted him to kiss me because he was attracted to me. No, it didn’t matter why. I just wanted to kiss him again.
“oh.” I just said and I broke the longest eye contact I had ever had with anyone. “Thank you.” I looked down at my hands that were folded into each other.
‘’You’re welcome.” He said.
There was no denying at this point now. I was falling for him and it scared the living shit out of me. I wanted to pull myself back up, but there were no places to hold on to. I just kept falling.
The way he stood up against my mother today. The way he had been there for me all this time. The way he had never judged me for anything. The way he made me laugh when no one else could.
It made me lose control of my thoughts, but in a good way. I normally hated the feeling of losing control, but this felt good.
My head was screaming at me not to fall, but my heart had already won the battle. All these years I had built a wall around my heart and no one could enter it. I shook off everyone who cared about me, but Vic had beaten it down completely without even trying. He had settled in my heart and he had tied himself to it, so he couldn’t leave. How could a person have so much control over me?

Notes

heeyeyeyeyeyeeyey guys!!

Soo...I made them kiss. So yeah...I wanted the kiss to be accidently, so it would get awkward XD. But I'm unoriginal so I stole the idea for the kiss from the show 'teen wolf'. If you haven't watched it, go watch it >:(

Soo a few days ago I posted an authors note asking you guys if I should stop writing this fanfic...And your comments brought me to tears. I didn't think you guys liked this story that much! To be honest, I had a really bad day when I posted that A/N and I just felt bad about myself and my writing, so that's why I thought of quitting. But I'm not going anywhere now :)
I feel like I haven't told you guys this, but I love you <3 thanks for reading and commenting and being awesome and reading my long ass notes.


xxxxx
Nicky