I was on the bathroom floor crying my eyes out like I did every morning at 3am, it was around this time I had to lock myself in a room before I did something I would regret. The night mares though, they were getting worse. All since Sammy died I couldn't function. I missed my mum so much I wanted her back. I always wonder what things would of been like if she hadn't succeed with her suicide. I let out another cry. I was alone in the apartment,great. Once again my boyfriend Vic the only reason I'm still alive was out with his band and a couple of friends. After Sammy died I wouldn't go out and Vic never trusted me alone so he moved in.

Being alone in the house never felt right anymore I couldn't help that fact I knew that Vic wasn't always goign to be there for me especially because the band and I will end up pushing him away like I do with everyone. I loved that Vic cared but it annoyed me, he always says things like I can cope with me at 3am when I shut down or that he can handle it when I shut him out. I know he couldn't and I didn't want to hurt him either. The thing is I don't think he's prepared as he thinks he is, myself destruct mode doesn't know convenience. When he said like he could handle it though I usually replied with things like just wait you'll get tired of me because I'm also tired of me too, which is the truth.

I used to be happy. Thats when we moved though, I got bullied alot. My father got into a drug habbit and eventually overdoesed. My mum turned abusive after that. Sammy and I ran away a few years ago, but now she's dead. The only person I could completely trust and shes fucking dead, I gave up completely when she died. I hated myself and just wanted to die at the precise moment. Lets be serious who would actually miss me? Wouldn't I be doing everyone a favour.

I walked into Sammy's old room, well I suppose it is still her room. It was probably one of my worse ideas after all it would just remind me of her and in this state was I stupid? And with no one else in the apartment? her bed still there, the blood still on the walls, her not in the corner telling me how sorry she was. Nothing had been touched everything was the way she left it, they way I wanted it to be left.

i was just so tired of everything though. My body ached a lot, way too much. I was used to pain not like this though;my head felt like it had been stuffed with cotton. It was like I was being suffocated, which I guess I wanted. I should like to lie down and sleep for days but I knew I would just wake up in the same sick world I was in before I went to sleep where I lost my beloved sister, I couldnt sleep though not here in her room so with ever little last bit of energy I had I walked shakily towards my room still crying. I was too tired to undress myself and change. I just lied across the bed. The room like it was swirling, taking me into a deep trance. Then I was asleep, another nightmare.

-two hours later

Vic's Pov

"Charz I'm home baby girl." I shouted in hope she would still be awake, I knew she didn't like to go to sleep alone. I tossed my keys on the coffee table and walked towards the bathroom after shouting 'Charz' a couple more times. I was rea;;y starting to love living with her. Sure we had our moments when we would fight but I always went back to her. No matter what she did I came back. I knew why she fought with me and I knew it was mainly to do with her background, she was broken and I needed to fix her. I loved her with all my heart, if I lost her i would lose myself in the process. I need her. I trust her. I love her. I was totally smitten by her she was on my mind daily.

Still getting no reply by the time I reached the bathroom I walked in a switched the light. There she was, my precious little princess. She was covered in blood, cuts, surrounded by pills and shattered glass saying 'make it stop'. Sadly I have been in the same situation with her before she did it one week after her sisters passing. It was the exact same situation but this time she was conscious and hadn't swallowed the pills...yet.

"Charz baby...look at me." I was completely sickened with myself. Why the fuck did I leave her, I knew she had nightmares, I knew she needed me yet I leave her. I was shocked though at the same time she seemed so happy lately.

" Maybe I do wish I was dead too." Okay I had no idead where that came from. I swear to God if someone put her up to this I will....I hope God looks away, this time.

"Darling, common look at me. Lets get you cleaned up." She still hadn't looked up at me. " Baby you don't mean you wish you were dead. You don't mean it you-you can't. You-I can't lose you. I-I need you Charz. I won't let you leave. I-I won't let you leave me." The truth is I did need her and if I walked in any later I might have not had her with me now.

"Give me one good reason why I shouldn't kill myself, right her right now." To hear her say those words really hurt me I loved her with all my heart and she knew that. I f you went she would take my heart with her.

"I could give you hundreds." I tried to smile and pull her close but with every touch she still resisted,

"NO-NO GET OUT! YOU CAN DO BETTER THAN ME! YOU DON'T MEANT IT! WHY....WHY I-I CAN'T...you deserve someone pretty, funny, not someone like me. I'M A FUCKING WRECK!" I wanted to hug her and hold her for hours in my arms and tell her everything would be okay but the thing is...were they?

Notes

My first fan fiction on here....shiuld a do a few more chapters?