“God dammit Victor! I can’t fucking do this anymore. This constant back and forth of you not knowing what you fucking want! I can’t do it anymore! Either you want me in your life completely or not at all. No more of dragging me around like a god damn rag doll because that’s not what I am! I’m a human being just like you who has feelings just like you do! So just make up your god damn mind already and let me know before I decide for you!”

Vic never did let me know his response to my outburst that day seven years ago. For three years he could never officially commit to calling me his girlfriend. So in that moment, I made the decision for him. I did what I needed to do to better myself. But the only way I could do it successfully was to leave San Diego. So I did. I ran from my problems as every girl does best when given the opportunity to do so. I was presented with a job opportunity in South Carolina that I couldn’t refuse. I was dispatching for EMS and police in Charleston, they were a huge fan of my EMS background which is what had landed me the job. At the time I was working as a paramedic in San Clemente and the stress from my relationship, or lack there of even was beginning to be too much to deal with. The only thing I would want to do after a long shift at work would be to come home and hang out with Vic on the couch but even that was too much to ask for from him sometimes. So I left. The only root I was leaving in San Diego was my big brother Austin and my dad. They fought me about it for a while, but eventually stopped once they realized I wasn’t staying. It wasn’t healthy for me to stay and continue to torture myself with the knowledge that I wasn’t good enough to make Vic settle down by seeing him every day.

But it’s been seven years. Seven rather long years and San Diego was calling me home. South Carolina is great, but I’m a California girl as cliché as it sounds. It had been some time since I had last seen my brother, seeing him when he came out here while he was on tour just wasn’t the same. He was in tour mode, all he wanted to do was party which I don’t blame him, but I did have a big girl job.

Austin had no idea I was coming home. I was conspiring with my dad, since I’d be moving in with him while I searched for a place of my own having already landed a job back home doing exactly what I was doing here, just at home. And soon enough, I’d be back out on the road doing all the things I loved most. Seeing all the guys again when they’re not in their tour mode, being out on the road saving lives and not just congratulating those who do. I’m still unsure of how things will go once I see Vic again, because I know its not a matter of if, its when. Where you find my best friend Mike, you get Vic too. The three of us were a package deal, it was always a good time when we were all together.

I was finishing up packing all my stuff, I knew Austin wouldn’t be home for about another week, which gave me plenty of time to get settled in and used to the adjustment of being back at home when I’ve been on my own for so long now. Most of my furniture had been put into storage for the time being closer to home so it would be ready to go once I found a place of my own. Dad was more than excited for me to come home and be staying with him for a while, but chances are I’d be spending more time at Austin’s so I could avoid the possibility of seeing Vic when he was home seeing as my dad lived right across the street from the Pierce the Veil boys.
All of my stuff was finally packed up and shipped out to California, now it was just time for me to say good bye to the memories I had made here in South Carolina, the good ones and the not so good ones that I couldn’t shake from my mind just yet. But hopefully going home and being with the people that mean the most to me could help change that.

Notes