What had originally been me yearning for Stephanie and Cara's supoort turned into mush after arguing with Mike. All the desire I had to hang out with my two girlfriends had died with the phone line when Mike hung up on me. I tried to embrace the annoyance of small-talk and stuffed my face with junk food, hoping Steph would see passed the starvation lie and would leave knowing I'd be okay.

I was thinking about sneaking off into Mike's room and doing a couple lines just to be calm enough to deal with having company. Luckily Steph was getting tired, and Cara hitched a ride with her so they'd both be leaving together.

I nearly rushed them out of the apartment, locking the door heavily behind them and immediately stalked off toward the bathroom. All my untensils were still sitting the way I had left them underneath the bathroom sink and I immediately emptied the rest of the coke onto the round mirror. I let my nose do all the work and I smiled at myself, feeling the euphoria of the blow entering my system.

I was on cloud 9, feeling all my insecurities dwindle down the bathroom sink's drain. My face was pale and I felt light, almost airy as I danced over to Mike's bed. I fell back onto the bed, feeling the softness on my back, taking in the feelings against my skin.

I could hear my phone vibrating on the nightstand, I reached for it, sliding my finger slowly against the screen answering the call.

"Hi," I said cooly.
"I'm sorry I hung up on you," Mike's impatient voice was deep with concern.
"It's okay," I whispered, still feeling the softness of the bed against my back.
"Why are you whispering?" Mike questioned.
"I didn't even notice," I laughed lightly.
"You're really blown aren't you?" I could hear him gritting his teeth and I stayed silent.
"I'm out," I said simply.
"I'm not going to keep supporting these habits," He said angrily.
"You did this Mike, you wanted me this way. You made me this person," I giggled.

He was quiet, but I didn't care. Everything felt blissful. The words coming out of my mouth weren't making me think twice, I felt like nothing cared in the world but my high. I felt energized and happy after what had felt like a really rough day.

"I can't disagree because I'd be lying, but it takes something more than just me to create someone like you," He snarled.
"I love you," I said quietly.
"Bitch," He spat before the line went dead again.

Why couldn't he see I loved him? He was all I had in the world. I didn't have my family anymore, I didn't have a job, or a car, or even a house. All I had was Mike, he was all that kept my existence spinning. He was the reason I woke up in the morning, and the reason I chose to try and keep my pathetic life moving forward.

Life without him was a life I didn't want to live. It wasn't about unhappiness, completely. It was mostly about my soulmate, he was truly the happiness in my life, and the meaning behind who I was. Michael Christopher Fuentes wasn't just my boyfriend, he was my Earth, my heart, my brain. He was everything inside of me. Even my own worst enemy.

I could feel substance trickling down the side of my cheek as I stared at the plain white ceiling of Mike's bedroom. I wiped at my face, another nose bleed. I sat up quickly, rinsing my face off and bringing some toilet paper to my right nostril.

Nose-bleeds were becoming more and more common, the flesh was wearing to nothing inside my nose. But my body deteriorating wasn't something I was worrying about. My soul suffered if I didn't do Cocaine. I felt anxious, nervous, and frankly, dead, if I didn't do Coke.

My nose stopped bleeding and I washed my face one more, before heading into the living room to clean it from top to bottom. Every corner was dusted, every wall washed, the floor vacuumed three whole times. I trudged into the kitchen, scrubbing it from ceiling to floor with bleach cleaner.

Without the Coke, I was practically useless.