I was quiet and still as Mike slept, his blunt still burning the ash tray. I stubbed it out softly, preserving whatever little bit was left. I looked at my face in the mirror, I looked like shit but that didn’t matter to me. I search for the small baggy in Mike’s jacket pocket and rolled up a dollar bill tightly. I dumped a small amount of powder onto the counter and I used Mike’s ATM card to line it up. I snorted the line in one breath, rubbing my nose as it began to go numb. I crawled into the shower, washing my hair, the feeling of the water dripping onto across my back, down my flat stomach was brilliant. It felt like some kind of light massage, the lukewarm water lulling me into a completely different realm.

I got out of the shower, the sunshine finally peaking over the bottom of the apartment window. I dressed and did my hair, even throwing a little bit of make-up over my hollowed out eyes. I could hear Mike coughing; I looked at myself and returned to his room. He was attached to a bong, the water bubbling, he cleared the bong, looking proudly at me.

“Hi my king,” I smiled and sat in his lap.
“You smell beautiful,” He buried his face in my neck.
“I’m sorry about last night,” He touched the bruises on my neck.
“I’m sorry for being an asshole,” He kissed the bruises softly.
“I love you, asshole,” I kissed his cheek softly.
“I love you, my queen.”
“So what are we going to do today?” He questioned.
“You have two days left before you leave me here to die,” I said dramatically.

Mike’s door opened, and Vic stood there angrily.

“Yes?” His brother questioned.
“You fucking missed band practice yesterday,” Vic growled.
“I knew I had something to do last night,” He said airily.
“If you weren’t so fucking strung out, you’d know this shit Mike!” Vic was fuming.
“Vic,” I said softly, touching his arm.
“Don’t Brook, do not,” He warned snatching away from my touch.
“Vic, come on, take it easy on him,” I whispered.
“Take it easy on him?! You two waltz around San Diego blown out of your mind, finding anyway to get high, stay high, and fuck each other! Unlike you he has obligations, Brooklyn!”

I couldn’t feel the sting I would’ve felt when I wasn’t high.

“He loves his fans,” I defended him.
“I never said he didn’t love his fans. I said he has responsibility, we have two more days to perfect the set list for this tour, and he’s out gallivanting around San Diego like he is a carefree teen!”

I looked at Mike; the shame was all over his face. He needed a line, or two, than he’d be truly carefree. Vic could tell I was blown; he scoffed at me, and gave Mike an ultimatum.

“Man the fuck up Mike, or we will find a replacement,” He grumbled and slammed the apartment door.

Mike was quiet; he was clearly upset with himself. And I sat next to him on the bed, slipping my hand in his.

“It was an honest mistake,” I said quietly.
“Honest or not, I have a band to report to, I can’t keep up with this. I need to find a balance,” He stood up.

He looked gorgeous, his long slender torso, tanned and inked. I hugged him from behind, feeling my cool face against his hot, embarrassed skin. He ran his hands along my arms, the callousing on his fingers lovingly scratching me. I placed a few small kisses on his back; he kissed my fingers before breaking loose and heading into the shower.

I felt morose. I wanted Mike to fulfill every achievement he was capable of. I knew the band was already huge; they would just get even larger. I knew he needed the band to survive, to feel like he truly was succeeding. I frowned at the small baggy he had set out on the counter, I lined up, snorting it quickly and wiping my face clean.

I was flying. Soaring. I felt invincible once again, and my face was going numb. I could see the huge smile plastered on my face as I closed the small baggy and dusted off the round mirror. The shower turned off and I could hear Mike humming softly as he got out of the shower, the door unlocking and he looked at me.

“I gotta get ready and go talk to Vic,” He walked passed me.

I hugged him from behind again, I could tell he was pissed at me.

“One line, you need it,” I said lowly.
“No I don’t, I have shit I have to do today,” He pushed me away.

I could feel a pain in my chest. Ripping through all my veins and slicing away my heart. I stood staring at him, I felt wounded. I could feel the pain shaking away my high, making me sober. He pulled on some boxer briefs and a pair of cut-offs, followed by a t-shirt he had altered himself. He used the towel to attempt to dry his hair, and then hung it up.

“Stop looking at me like that,” He cleaned his ears out.
“Mike,” I said sadly.
“What do you want to hear from me? Tell me so I can fucking tell you what you want to hear and I can get the fuck out of here.”
“I-,” I couldn’t form a sentence.

He looked at me expectantly, and I couldn’t say anything. He shook his head annoyed and walked out of the room. I heard Vic’s door open and them exchanging words quietly. That’s when I felt it. I felt like an elephant had sit atop my chest, and yet my heart was beating faster than I had ever felt in my entire life. I felt fuzzy and warm, still flying high. I blinked rapidly, trying to stop the black blinking I was experiencing. I shook my head, holding my chest. I was sure my chest was crushed in; it was getting harder to breathe. But through the excruciating pain in my chest, I felt extraordinarily high.

I reached for the nightstand, trying to balance myself, but I was falling. I heard the crash of the lamp, feeling pieces digging into my skin as I finally fell onto the floor. It felt like I would never stop falling, like I was falling through the air. The black flashes were getting longer, and I could hear feet pounding against the apartment floor. I was blind, I couldn’t see anymore. And I couldn’t keep trying to breathe, my chest was burning, my throat was on fire.

I could feel the water around me, soaking through my clothes. And I could hear fearful, straining, extremely afraid voices before I was deaf. I could still feel somebody shaking me, the water being absorbed into my skin. I could feel my body shaking, before finally there was nothing. There was no consciousness whatsoever.