I Introduce The Selfish Machine

We had been home from tour for only a few hours. As soon as we parked at Vic's house, Tony grabbed our stuff and drove back to my studio. We came in about 1 am, and then just fell asleep. I couldn't sleep though, so I woke up at 8:30. Tony was still asleep, and that was good. I needed to slip out without him noticing.
I got dressed in a black dress with white polka-dots and black Toms as quietly as I could, but Tony was in too deep of a sleep to be woken up. I didn't bother with the makeup, and I just brushed out my hair, grabbed my purse, and snuck softly out the front door.
I got in my car. I don't usually wear dresses, but today is a special day. Today is June 9th. It's special.
It took 30 minutes to arrive at my location. I got out of my car, letting the warm sun hit my bare arms and legs. I sat down on the grass and stared at my dad's tombstone.
I rubbed my hand on the strangely green grass. "Hey, dad." I said out loud. I knew I wouldn't get a response, but I needed to talk to him. I know he can hear me.
My eyes started to fill with tears. I searched in my purse until I found a tissue. I forced a smile. I know my dad can see it. "Happy birthday. I wish you were here today. I'm actually old enough to drink, we could have a beer together." The tears ran down my face faster than the water on a water slide. "I know how much you liked your beer." I reached in my purse, aka my bag of wonders, again and pulled out two bottles of Dos Equis. I leaned one against his tombstone and opened the other. I took a big drink of mine. "It still makes me laugh how you were the whitest man in America but loved Mexican beer and food. I miss you so much, dad. I've missed you so much more lately than I ever have. I still wear my charm bracelet everyday, I never go without it. I'm honestly surprise it hasn't broke yet." I paused, taking another drink of beer to avoid the water works. "I've added more charms on there, but only the ones that remind me of you. I saw this baseball charm and bought it right away. Remember, remember dad when I wanted to pay T-Ball but mom didn't want me to because it was a boy sport? You and mom talked for hours before she finally let me play. I was the only girl on the team, but I kicked all the boys asses." And, when I said that, I swear I heard my dad laugh. I smiled, not even trying to hold back the tears this time. "But, you were always there, at every game, cheering me on. You were always there for me, dad. You and I both know I was never the girliest girl, but I always dreamed of you walking me down the aisle on my wedding day. And now-" I started crying harder. "And now, you're gone, but I will always be proud of you, daddy. I will always be proud of my army father, who was killed doing the most honorable thing. At the end of everyday, I know I had the most kickass dad, and I spent as much time with you as God wanted, even though I wish it was a little more." I took another drink of my beer. "You were the only man I've ever loved, daddy. I wish you were here to meet Tony. You would love him, I mean, he's Mexican and you loved all things Mexican." I laughed, knowing my dad was somewhere laughing at that. "No, but Tony's great, daddy. He's so sweet, and so much more emotional than me. It's like Leanna and mom combined, like he's emotional. But, amazing. Daddy, I never thought I could ever love another man again but Tony's making me think differently. You'll always be the number one man in my heart, and I'm starting to feel things for Tony. Real feelings. I know, your heartless daugther is saying that. It's so weird! But daddy, I wanted to ask you, to make sure it was okay with you if I loved Tony. I know you're with me wherever I go, so you would know how awesome Tony is." The wind started to pick up a little bit. "Daddy, please just give me a sign, because I know you would never let me love anyone who would break my heart.
And at that moment, I felt something hit my leg. The wind had pushed a baseball from who knows where, and it ended up next to me. I picked the baseball up with my small hands and smiled. This was my dad saying it was okay.
"Thank you, Daddy. I love you." I said, and then I placed the baseball next to the bottle of beer.

Notes