A Friday Night Like This

Vic

I walked into the door, guilt overcoming my stomach as I spoke nastily to Kellin. I sighed and composed myself.

'Vic, I don't want a memory from you.' Dr Mason started. 'You're struggling with something. And you don't want Kellin to know. Can you tell me what you're keeping from him?' She leant forward, holding my hand. I tugged down my sleeve, peering through my lashes at her.

'I would rather tell you a memory.' I said carefully, watching her eyes flicker around my face. She sighed, but gave in.

'Okay, Vic. Instead of a completely different memory, could you please continue on from Kellin's? I would like your viewpoint on it.' She quickly filled me in on the details and I nodded. I remembered that day clearly. It was the mark of our year anniversary as a couple.

'I remember.' I said. 'We sang the last bars of the song and Kellin came up and yelled something about seeing us in Melbourne... he kissed my cheek,' My hand rose up and touched the exact spot of its own accord, 'and...'

I watched him go off the stage, while our female, and some male, fans almost fainted.

'Everybody say thank you to my boy Kellin!' I yelled, hearing another uproar.

'Thanks for coming out!' I jogged off the stage and ran to Kellin, jumping on his back and kissing his neck.

'Get off me, deadweight.' He complained, staggering to the side.

'I am not heavy!' I protested, leaning on him to make my weight greater. We collapsed to the ground, the rest of the band members tripping over us as they came off stage. Soon, we were all sprawled on the ground, me laughing and everyone else complaining. Mike, who was on top of the pile, got up first, helping up Tony and leaving Jaime to fend for himself. Jaime had landed on me, so I guess Mike was just trying to make sure I was as uncomfy as possible. I scrabbled out from underneath the heavier man, pulling Kellin along with me.

'Thanks, Vic.' Jaime said, cracking his spine as he stood up. He walked off, running and leaping onto Mike's back. Luckily, Mike kept his equilibrium and manages to stay upright. He carried Jaime to the small shower block with Tony trying to trip him with his foot.

'Hey, Vic.' Kellin snapped his fingers in front of my face.

'Oh, sorry, babe.' I smiled at him, giving him a kiss.

Kellin stuck his tongue out. 'You're all sweaty!' He complained. I did the same,

'So are you!' We walked off to the showers together, me wrapping both of my arms around him.

'I don't even need a shower, Vic, I only did one song.' Kellin complained.

I looked up at him.

'Kells, you did a full set before that.'

'Oh, right.' We laughed at his poor memory and went on a few more metres in silence.

'Hey, Kells. Guess what day it is.' I said, pulling him closer to me, if it was even possible.

'I have no idea, baby.' Kellin said, dodging a stray fan who had managed to get backstage.

I stopped us and went on my tip toes to whisper in my ear. Yes, I realise I didn't need to, but I felt girly doing it.

'It's our one year anniversary.' I whispered, then I kissed his cheek.

'Really? How do you remember stuff like that?' Kellin asked, continuing to walk us to the showers.

I shrugged. 'It's a gift.' We reached the showers and saw Mike, Jaime and Tony standing awkwardly to one side as a deep voice sang "Firework" by Katy Perry.

'Hey, Austin! You're making the guys uncomfortable.' I said, getting into the shower next door and stripping off, Kellin following close behind. Austin's booming laugh came from over the divider.

'I know! Great, isn't it? Baby, I'm a fiiiiiiirreeework!' Austin started singing again, very off-key.

'Shut up, Austin. Just wash yourself, okay? The singing is for when we go on stage. A shower is not a performance.' I heard Alan say as I turned the hot water on. Kellin passed me shampoo as I tried to right the temperature. I had unknowingly picked the shower that has only boiling hot or freezing cold - no in between.

'Move over, you're rubbish at this.' Kellin pushed me out of the way and fiddled with the water taps. Warm water came shooting out.

'Thanks, babe. Much better.'

'Would you guys seriously shut up so I can pretend you're in different showers?' Mike yelled at us. 'And that includes you too, Austin and Alan!'

'I don't like your brother Vic, he's very homophobic. How do you put up with it?' Austin and I started up a conversation over the stall while Alan and Kellin laughed at us.

'I don't know. He and Tony get very close at times, so I don't see what his problem is.' I said this a bit louder so that both Tony and Mike could hear me over the five showers that were running.

Tony stayed quiet, it was unusual for him to talk much around us fully clothed and dry so there was no chance he would talk when he was showering. Mike, on the other hand yelled out,

'What?!'

'You heard him.' Kellin added his two cents to the discussion. 'And I second it.'

'Tony and I have nothing going on!' Being his brother, I could tell from is tone of voice that he was trying hard to sound natural and not at all like he was lying. I rolled my eyes at his tense tone and a new voice joined in.

'Mike! What is your deal? We don't matter now? Is that it?' Mine and Kellin's jaws dropped as we heard one of the showers shut off and someone stomp angrily out of the shower room.

'Fuck.' Mike said, following Tony. 'Tony! I didn't mean it like that!'

I passed Kellin the conditioner and started soaping his back for him. We switched cleaning products and roles, me washing my hair and him soaping my back. Sometimes it was helpful having another person in the shower to help you. As we rinsed off, Jaime's voice joined in. Austin and Alan had gotten out just after Mike and Tony and Austin had continued singing as he got dressed. Alan was drying his hair and Jaime spoke as he put down the hair dryer.

'Well that was awkward.'

All four of us laughed and the rest of us vacated the shower stalls.

'You don't say?' I said, wrapping a towel around myself. Kellin grabbed his clothes and yanked them on, scurrying over to Alan and helping him dry his hair. I grabbed my hair dryer and started drying Kellin's for him. Alan just stood there awkwardly, trying to convince Kellin to give him back the dryer and that he was perfectly capable of drying his own hair.

'You should keep on drying it, Kellin. He can never reach the back.' Austin came over and pointed out the areas Alan had trouble reaching. Alan finally got his hair dryer back when Kellin was positive it was all dry and started drying mine. Jaime was alternating between passing me different articles of clothing and holding the hair dryer pointed at Kellin's head for me.

All hair dried and perfectly styled, I went to my bag and got a slip of paper with Kellin's name written on it. I passed it to him and he opened it. He quickly scanned through what it said, and he looked up at me, happiness etching over his gorgeous features. I winked at him.

'See you there and wear something nice.' I slapped his butt and walked towards the bus with Jaime. He knew what was going on but Alan and Austin had scurried over to Kellin as soon as I had left.

'What do I wear?' I asked Jaime about half an hour later, digging through the clothes I had packed.

'You're going for a picnic, Vic. Casual, but nice.' I made a face and started throwing clothes into Tony's bunk as I emptied my bag for the third time.

'Oh, move over.' Jaime shoved me out of the way and start rummaging through my bag.

'These... This... And choose between these two.'

Jaime had passed me my black skinny jeans, favourite grey beanie and given me two shirts to choose from. Technically, it was three, but two of the went together. An SD shirt, or a white singlet with a checked top. I opted for the singlet-and-check option. I got dressed and started buttoning up my shirt.

'Dude, what are you doing?' Jaime asked, grabbing my hands and moving them away. He then unbuttoned the shirt. 'Leave it like that. Very casual, very nice. Have you got your basket?' I nodded, pointing to the counter.

'All set.'

'Better get going then! Kellin is known for early arrivals.'

I slipped on my Vans and walked about a kilometer to a hill I had seen on the outskirts of town. I jogged up it, placing the basket on a relatively flat piece of land and grabbing the picnic blanket. I spread it under the single tree and found four rocks to weigh down the corners. I brought out our dinner and a bottle of red wine. I had brought crackers and dip, a toss salad with chicken and ham and two cupcakes with "Happy Anniversary" written on them in a curly script. I got a text from Kellin.

Where are you, babe?

I smiled and lit a candle. I could see him in the slowly setting sunlight.

Find the light.

He came over to me and wrapped his arms around my waist.

'Happy first anniversary, honey.' I said, kissing him.

'Same too you, Vic. Happy anniversary.' We sat down on the picnic blanket and watched the setting sun, looking at the clouds, having a glass of wine and the crackers and dip.

We stretched back and looked at the clouds. They were different shades of blue, purple, pink and orange thanks to the setting sun. I held Kellin in my arms and we continued talking, him taking sips of wine every now and then. We pointed out different shaped clouds. We found a bird, a guitar and Jesus. I then served our dinner and gave Kellin his cupcake.

'Honey, I can't eat this.'

'What? Why not?' I asked, instantly worrying. Did he have an allergy he had never told me and I had never noticed? Did he not like pink icing?

'It's too beautiful, Vic.' He said, giving me a kiss. I smiled against his soft lips and whispered.

'It's just a cupcake.'

I watched as he bit into it, savouring the taste.

'This is delicious!' He gushed, quickly swallowing his mouthful and taking another chunk of it.

'Ow!' He complained rubbing his front tooth. I smiled to myself and took a small bite of my own. I put on a worried expression.

'What's wrong?' I reached forward and put my hand on his.

'I dunno. I bit down on something hard.' He looked up at me, suddenly suspicious. My acting skills weren't very good, so I ended up smiling. He picked at the crumbs around the metal encasing with his finger, licking the tiny pieces off as he went. He finally retrieved it, and he dropped it. It hit the ground in front of him and it opened itself.

He picked up the note and read it. I knew what it said, and smiled to myself.

'I love you.' Kellin read aloud, stunned. He flipped it over. 'Forever and always.' He just stared at it dumbfounded.

He suddenly jumped into my lap, engulfing me in a hug so big it could enclose the world. He kissed every inch of me he could reach from his position in my lap.

'I... love... you... too... baby.' He managed to spit out between kisses. I got annoyed at him not kissing my lips, so I turned my head and he brushed them. He then turned his attention to my mouth and kissed it softly, leaving me wanting more as he pulled away. He started trailing kisses along my jaw, getting to the side of my mouth and stopping. He leaned in gently and lightly touched my lips. I groaned.

'You're such a tease!' I rolled him over, so that we weren't on the picnic blanket anymore and I was on top of him. I kissed him passionately, and he tried flipping me over, but we ended up rolling down the hill, getting covered in grass stains. We suddenly came to a stop as a tangle of arms and legs...

'We walked back up the hill and cleared up the picnic, then went back to our buses. We were rolling out early the next morning so no sleepovers.' I whispered, wiping at my eyes with the tissues Dr Mason had given me about halfway through the retelling. 'I remember waking up and we were back to our normal lives. It was just a normal day, with our special night behind us. We were really tired but it didn't matter because we could sleep all day while we drove down to Melbourne.'

'Thank you, Vic. Is there anything you wanted to add?' Dr Mason asked, scribbling away.

'I miss those days. Our love was easy as breathing. No effort was needed, not until...' I suddenly shut up and rubbed my nose and eyes, hoping in vain to somehow get rid of the traces of my crying.

'Goodbye.' I said stiffly, racing out of the room and out to the reception. Kellin looked up and scurried after me.

'Home?' He asked.

'Yes please.' I said, still sniffling. I wrapped my arms around him and his body stiffened in surprise. I hadnt touched him purposely in weeks. He drove home, and I went into the garage and played my guitar, trying to get Kellin off my mind. Why was I doing this?

I played a familiar tune, and sang along softly.

"I breathe you in with smoke in the backyard lights,

We used to laugh until we choked into the wasted nights.

It was the best time of my life, but now I sleep alone,

So darling, don't, don't wake me up, 'cause my thrill is gone.

In the sunset turning red behind the smoke,

Forever and alone." My voice broke, and I swallowed back tears.

"You've gone and sewn me to this bed, the taste of you and me

Will never leave my lips again under the blinding rain.

I wanna hold your hand so tight I'm gonna break my wrist,

And when the vultures sing tonight I'm gonna join right in.

I'll sing along, oh

'cause I don't know any other song.

I'll sing along,

but I'm barely hanging on.

No, I'm barely hanging on.

By the time you're hearing this I'll already be gone,

and now there's nothing to do but scream at the drunken moon.

This isn't fair!

Don't you try to blame this on me.

My love for you was bulletproof but you're the one who shot me.

And god damn it, I can barely say your name,

So I'll try to write and fill the pen with blood from the sink.

Woah oh, oh oh.

But don't just say it, you should sing my name.

Pretend that it's a song 'cause forever it's yours,

And we can sing this on the way home.

I'll sing along

'cause I don't know any other song.

I'll sing along,

but I'm barely hanging on.

No, I'm barely hanging on.

By the time you're hearing this I'll already be gone,

And now there's nothing to do but tear my voice apart.

Nothing to do,

But scream at the drunken moon."

I wiped away the tears that had been streaming down my face. Why was I such a bad person? Could anything I touch be left pure, or would it always be tainted by the memory of me?

Notes