An Alternate Ending

To say things were improving would be a complete lie. Oli didn’t change his attitude towards me at all and Lynn’s little dedication to him definitely gave him more reason to dislike me. But the strange thing was that him and Lynn were becoming close, even though I was becoming really good friends with her. I know she isn’t someone to back stab or be two faced, she’s way too genuine for that. It still pisses me off that he is running off to her even though she dedicated a song about someone who she hated, to him. Oh well, I guess that he really has no respect for himself.

I walked out of the bunk area and into the living room area, Oli was sitting playing xbox alone. I looked at him and I could either run away or sit down and claim my space. So I did. I sat down at the other end of the couch and began playing with my phone. I text Lynn and asked if she wanted to get some coffee in ten minutes. She replied saying yes and that she’d get me outside my bus.

I looked through my tweets and then put my phone away. The growing awkward silence between me and Oli was unbareable. I couldn’t stand feeling like this anymore. I pulled my phone out of my pocket again and seen I had been tagged in something on Facebook, it was a cat that kept saying “Yass”. I couldn’t stop laughing.

Oli looked over to me and raised an eyebrow. “What?” He asked. I looked up at him and shoved my phone in his face and he watched the video and laughed a bit. Not as much as me but it was still a laugh.

Once the laughter died down he went back to playing his game and I went back to looking at my phone. The awkwardness grow again and I huffed really loudly, bored of the feeling. I pushed myself up off the couch and walked through to the kitchen area and got myself a drink of water. After which I went back through, grabbing a hoody and going off the bus. Lynn was waiting for me. I pulled my cigarettes out of my pocket and lit one up, sticking it in my mouth and taking a long drag. “Can I bum one of those?” She asked, I didn’t know she even smoked but fuck it. I handed her one and my lighter.

“Where to?” I asked. She lit up the cigarette and handed me the lighter back

“All I remember from here was that there was a Starbucks around the corner” She pointed.

“Sounds good to me” I laughed. We walked slowly in the direction of the Starbucks. “So how is thing’s with you and Oli?” I asked Lynn, hoping she would be able to tell me if he had been saying anything about me.

“We’re alright, he is really flirty though isn’t he?” She laughed. I felt the jealous spark in me.

“Yeah, he is” I said taking a drag.

“Nothing I can do though, he doesn’t fend off rejection well” She shrugged.

“Just remember that every night we’ve been on this tour he has slept with a different girl, it has only been a week but that’s a lot” I reminded her.

“I know, I don’t think I would ever like him in a romantic way. I feel like if he ever tried anything with me, it’d be to get back at you” She sighed. I nodded, understanding what she meant.

“I get what you mean, if you did like him I wouldn’t be angry or anything like that” I explained. She looked at me and nodded.

“I don’t know, I just got out of a shitty relationship and so did he, with you who I now sorta consider a good friend. I wouldn’t wanna fuck that up” She threw the butt of her cigarette away and blew out the last bit of smoke.

“I’ve heard him fuck so many girls this week, my feelings for him are pretty much non-existent now” I lied. Throwing my cigarette away.

I seen the Starbucks sign come into view and smiled. “It’s on me today” Lynn said as she pulled the door open. “What you after?” She asked me.

“Just a decaf coffee” I told her, I went and sat in the nearest booth that was empty. After a few minutes Lynn came over with two coffees and two muffins.

“Thought I would treat us to some Starbucks muffins, they’re my favourite” She sounded like a kid at Christmas.

“I love them too so you made the right call” I laughed, sipping on my coffee.

“I think we need to have a bus party” Lynn announced. I looked at her and raised an eyebrow. “We used to have them because I was too young to go to clubs but yeah, just a party on one of our buses. Would be fun I think, just letting lose and having a nice time” She had a point, it would be much better than just sitting in the bus myself all the time editing pictures and listening to Oli’s whores moaning over dramatically.

“I think that might actually be a good idea, we could play some party games and get some of the crew involved” I suggested.
“Yes, and you could be the photographer” Lynn was getting really excited now.

“I like this idea” I nodded. She took a bite of her muffin.

“This is honestly so good” She said through a mouthful of the delicious looking snack.

----

“I don’t even know what to wear” I whined at Lynn, she looked up at me from sitting in my bunk. She had been helping me decide an outfit for the bus party. We went out and bought booze, the guys were excited for the party. There would be around 20 of us coming to the party, not much but enough to have some fun.

“I think the dark blue velvet dress is perfect” Lynn said holding it up again. I cocked my head to the side and nodded. “It’ll look killer on you plus, I think Alex likes you” She wiggled her eyebrows at me.

“What?” I was shocked. “Are you sure it’s me you think he likes?” I laughed.

“Definitely, he keeps mentioning you” Lynn said pullingher phone out. “Do you think Casey will be around much at the party tonight? Are you with Casey? Say hi if you are” She read out from her phone. “I think he likes you”

“Well I’m flattered but dating isn’t really on the cards for me” I shrugged. Lynn furrowed her brows and sighed.

“Why, why not move on? You and Oli didn’t work out and he’s moved on, evidently. It’s time you do, and I’m saying this because I want you to learn that it’s not healthy to hold on this long. I also understand it’s not healthy to be living with your ex for six weeks after you break up, but let’s be rational here. If you honestly loved him, the way you say you did then wouldn’t you be doing whatever you could to get him back? Instead you’re just avoiding it all. I hate to see people like this” She said standing up off of my bunk. “Remember, it’s hard to find life in something that’s already died” She reminded me.

She’s right, I’m holding back in my life. I turned to her properly and picked the blue dress up. “You’re right, the blue dress is perfect” I smiled at her.

“I told you so” She grinned at me. I shoved her playfully and she rolled her eyes. “I think I’m gonna wear a dress too. I’m excited to just relax and listen to some good songs” She said stretching. It made me yawn which then made Lynn laugh.

“I’m gonna go start getting ready. I’ll see you in about an hour?” I asked. She nodded and saluted me before turning and walking out of the bunk area and off to her own bus.

----

I stood in the bathroom and straightened out my dress. It was actually a lot better on me than I remembered it being, but I obviously brought it with me for a reason. My hair was growing pretty quickly, it was almost at my waist now. The longest I’ve had it in about 10 years.

I looked at my tattoo covered arms and legs, the feeling of pride for my beautiful artwork being shown off tonight made me excited. I loved the tattoos, but just knowing that people could see them and enjoy them made me feel happy about having them. My make-up looked good and my hair was kinda wavy, making me smile. I haven’t smiled at myself for a long time.

My thoughts were dragged away when a loud banging on the bathroom door shook me outta them. I grabbed my bag and opened the door. I came face to face with Oli, he looked startled that I was here. “Sorry” He mumbled.

“It’s okay” I said as I slid past him. He nodded and walked into the bathroom and shut the door.

I hope he is feeling like he’s missing out on me, because I feel amazing tonight. Smiling to myself as I walked out into the front of the bus, everyone was sitting there. Well the Bring Me guys where. PVRIS must not be here yet. “You look nice Case” Jordan smiled at me.

“Awe thanks Jordan” I felt my cheeks flush a slight red colour. I haven’t felt good about myself in a long time if I’m honest. It’s nice to have a spot of confidence.

The bus doors opened and Lynn, Alex and Brian walked in. “Hey guys” Lynn cheered as she floated in. She was wearing a dress that was short at the front and long at the back, all black. She usually wore black, a bit like me.

“Hey” I said, walking over to her. She smiled at me and winked.

“Told you it was perfect” She whispered as she hugged me.

“Hey guys” I said, hugging Alex and then Brian.

“You look great!” Alex beamed at me. I could tell he was trying to flirt with me.

“Alright guys” I heard Oli say, obviously deciding to join us.

“I think we should start on the shots” Lynn grinned. Everyone agreed and we got the shot glasses out. Taking a few shots of tequila.

“This stuff is vile” I cringed, hating the taste of it.

“That’s why you’re meant to suck the lime and lick the salt” Oli said obnoxiously. I just flipped him off and turned to Alex.

“So how are you Alex?” I asked. I know flirting in front of Oli isn’t mature but I really don’t care about his opinion right now.

----

The world around me was spinning. More bodies were on the bus than I first thought would be, more people kept joining, I don’t even think we know half of them. But my head spun nonetheless, and the more I tried to think sober, the more my head got heavy. “C’mere you. You’re drunk” I felt a pair of arms wrap around me.

“No, I’m happily intoxicated” I corrected. My eyes flew open when I felt my body being lifted off the floor of the bunk area. “Oi!!! put me down” I commanded.

“You need to sober up” The voice said. I couldn’t make out who it was. They just guided me towards the kitchen.

“What I need is another shot of Whiskey and about ten boxes of McDonald’s chips” I groaned. I learn the a laugh from behind me.

The person stood me up against what I assume to be the kitchen counter but as soon as they let me go, I slipped to the floor. “Fuck sake Casey, you’re pished” He laughed.

He picked me up and lifted me onto the counter. I opened my eyes again and the realisation hit me. It was Oli. I frowned and tried to lift my head up a bit but slammed it against a cupboard in the process. “Fuck!” I groaned as I clutched onto my head.

“You’re always a right mess when you’re drunk” He shook his head, the movement made my head feel funny and it wasn’t even me who was moving.

“You’re a right mess in general” I retorted childishly.

“Casey, why did you drink so much?” He asked, ignoring me childish manners.

“Why the Hell not?” I shrugged. “You do it all the time, but when I do it there’s something wrong?” I laughed bitterly.

“Who said there isn’t something wrong when I do it? Maybe that’s why I’m the only one staying sober enough to make sure you’re okay” He shot back. I rolled my eyes, his idea of being there for me was fucked up. One minute he’s banging any girl who’ll look his way while I sleep a mere metre away then the next he’s my hero.

“Oh now you care?” I laughed loudly. “But when you were fucking half of America right next to me it was all fucking fine and dandy” I shook my head. “You’re a joke” I mumbled, trying to jump off the counter. I lost my balance and fell onto the floor. I began laughing hysterically. Laughing so hard that it turned into tears.

Oli sat down next to me and sighed. “I’m sorry” He muttered, barely audiable. “I’m the worst kind of person, I ruin everything. I guess I was trying to punish you for not loving me enough when in the end it was my fault. I didn’t have the best reactions when you needed me. My life is a joke if I’m honest. And I’m not looking for pitty, I just want you to know I fully understand that it’s all my fault and that I’m sorry” He explained.

“I can’t do this, I can’t be here while you move on” I groaned.

“I’m not moving on, I’m being a dick to you” He turned his head to look at me.

“Why? I only said no for now. I just wanted you to work out that I was what you wanted” I bit my tongue, trying not to say anything that might cause a huge argument.

“I know. I’m an idiot. I’m not looking for redemption. I don’t deserve it, I just want you to feel less targeted. I care about you so much” He pushed some of my hair behind my ear.

I could feel him leaning in to me, our lips touching briefly before I pushed him back. “No! You don’t get to apologise then crawl back in. We can be friends at most. But that’s it Oli. That’s all it can ever be. Not until you prove to me that you only want me” I told him sternly.

He hung his head and nodded. “You’re right” He looked me dead in the eye. “I’m gonna do everything I can to prove that you’re everything I want. I will make you mines again, and this time I will never let you go” I’ve never seen Oli have a look like that in his eyes. He was so serious. The love and lust so evident that it hurt.

He stood up and held his hand out for me, I took it and he helped me to my bunk then went to his own. I slowly fell asleep to the sound of my friends partying, a part of me happy that Oli apologised but another part of me feared what lengths he’ll go to now he knows he has a chance. And he will go far.

Notes