The Life and Lies of The How-To Manual

The service was short. The cake was okay. The music was pretty good.

I watched as they lowered her casket into the ground. I felt terrible. I wanted to grow old and be next to her, not watch her be lowered before me. The viewing was short, the service was small. All Time Low, the boys, Autumn, and Willow’s Mom were all that made it. I felt bad that there should’ve been more to remember MD’s beauty, but it felt more personal with all the friends around her.

She would’ve wanted it like that.

She was beautiful as I said my last goodbyes. She looked so peaceful and serene. They had her in a nice little dress and her lightning vans, like usual. She never left home without them, and she would be buried in them. I had smiled through the tears at that. She would be looking at us and thinking, “Thank you for at least not forgetting my shoes!”

She was also buried with my lucky guitar pick, the one she always wore, the one I gave her. I saw it with my name facing up and smiled a little, wiping my nose away from the tears.

She looked stunning, even though she wasn’t standing by my side.

After they closed the casket, lowered it into the ground, and started to bury her again, I joined the rest of the boys underneath a little tent with some food and cake. I don’t know why cake was at a funeral, but Autumn had argued with Vic that even though Willow was dead, she would want us to at least have cake and try to be happy. I would whole heartedly agree with that statement.

No one spoke much. When we did, it was all in whispers. Autumn was leaning into Tony’s shoulder, her black dress swaying in the slight breeze that had picked up and died down as soon as it had arrived, as if someone called the wrong number on a phone and realized it before it could ring through.

“Good cake.” Mike muttered. Vic mumbled an agreement. Jack leaned on Alex’s shoulder, wiping at red eyes that he couldn’t hide. I couldn’t hide mine either. We all had these red rings that we shouldn’t be wearing until later in life.

The mound of earth sat lonely as the gravediggers left. Their cars rumbled off without a care in the world. A few service providers cleaned up the chairs that were left over. I turned my attention back to my cake, hoping to distract myself, but I just couldn’t.

“Where you going, Himes?” Tony asked as I walked past him. I could barely meet his eyes.

“I just need a moment.” I mumbled. I walked over to her grave, standing with my hands shoved deep in my pockets as I stood at the foot of her grave, reading the tombstone.

Willow Caston
A friend of many
The Mighty Ding to all
Gone, but has never left us

I felt like Autumn had added that last line after she gave us the whole ‘she’s gone, but she’s probably spitting at us every time it rains’ speech. I smiled a little. I’d have to watch my head every time it rains now.

I couldn’t help but think to the fond memories of her. She had the most beautiful blonde hair that framed her striking blue eyes. She could be so shy but once you really got to know her, she was the most outgoing person ever. She always wore purple lightning vans. Always. She had that pick of mine around her neck. She never left without it around her throat. She would wrinkle her nose up in the cutest way when she was frustrated or mad at me. All I had to do to make her forgive me was kiss her forehead and she would relax and melt for me. Willow cared about everyone and made a point to help anyone in need. She loved teasing Jack and arguing with Mike. She was the sweetest girl I ever knew and would ever be able to know.

I sniffed as I thought, the sadness rushing over me again. I bowed my head, masking my tears.

A car rumbled up to the cemetery parking lot. I didn’t turn around. I didn’t really care. It was probably somebody else coming to pay their respects to their own family members. The wind blew again, whistling through the trees.

Footsteps came up behind me. Two pairs. They stopped right behind me. I turned around to see who it was, wiping away a few more stray tears.

It was Willow’s two doctors, Dr. Cameron and Dr. Chase. They came to stand next to me, staring down at my girl’s grave.

“I’m so sorry about your loss.” Dr. Cameron murmured. I nodded.

“She was too young. She was barely twenty two. People shouldn’t die that young.” I mumbled dryly. Dr. Chase put a hand on my shoulder. I tried to plaster a weak smile to my face. It barely worked.

No one should die this close to Christmas either. The holidays wouldn’t be the same without her.

“We were with her last Friday, the night she passed away. You were her last visitor, right?” Cameron asked me. I nodded. I had been her last visitor, right?

“Yeah, what about it?”

“She woke up in the middle of the night. Cameron and I had been watching her to make sure she was doing all right. When she woke up, she wrote in this little book that she had with her. It looked pretty well worn. She wrote something on the very last pages of it before giving it to use. Her last instructions were to give this to you.” Chase produced the faded how-to manual from his coat pocket, holding it out to me. I stared at it, shaking my head.

“She said that?”

“She said to give it to you. We didn’t get a chance at the hospital, so we found you here. We didn’t look through it, don’t worry.” Chase reassured.

“Don’t worry, it’s okay.” I took the book in my trembling hands as the two bid me farewell and walked back to their car. I could only stare at the cover and not believe that I had a little piece of Willow back with me.

The last page, the last page.

I flipped through the book, going to the very last page. My words scanned the title, already starting to sob again. I bit my lip, keeping from bursting out. I noticed a little note down at the bottom of the page, just for me.

I read it once, twice, three times. I couldn’t stop crying, this time a little from happiness. The wind blew stronger and stronger. It whistled and sang through the cemetery.

I swear that I heard a voice, a voice so familiar, so distant, so heart breakingly lovely that I looked up at the sky, closing my eyes and listening to it. It’s not just a figment of my imagination, but reality that I cannot explain.

I listened to her sweet words from beyond the stars and smiled.

Stop crying, butt-queef. I love you.

Notes

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