“So turning the lights on wouldn’t help?” I asked, a note of panic fluttering thought my chest.

“No.” The doctor sighed. I clutched at the blankets desperately.

“I can’t watch Iron Man!?”

“No.”

“No more The Office!?”

“No, Willow.”

“BUT WHAT ABOUT THE BIG BANG THEORY!?!?” I wailed. The doctor grabbed my hand. Now that I knew I really couldn’t see, I was officially left in the dark.

Ha ha ha, now shut up about the puns.

“Ms. Caston, please calm down a minute. There is more to this if you’ll let me explain.” The doctor said. I kept trying to pinch my skin, anything to wake me up. It seemed like nothing was working.

“Waaaait…okay now explain.” I took a big breath, trying to calm my frazzled nerves. I couldn’t see the outside. It seemed like the edges of my vision were blurry, but I couldn’t really make out a thing.

“So it appears that your ability to talk came back when you hit your head yesterday. The growth had been fairly recent, but hadn’t been ‘activated’ until your head was injured. We’ve concluded that when your brain sensed it was damaged, it sent out chemicals and other healing agents to inspect and assess the damage and also seemed to activate the new part of the brain. That’s how you can talk…” The doctor began. I heard pages flipping as he looked through his clipboard. I could only guess based on noises.

“But what about my vision?”

“That’s the flip side of the coin. The part of your brain that had been damaged and possibly permanently traumatized was the vision section of your brain, the one that takes the things you see and creates the images in your head. This has rendered you completely blind.” He sighed. I just groaned.

“No, this can’t be happening.” I moaned. There was a brief pause of wordless air that blew through the room. Outside in the hallway, I could hear nurses bustling about, doing their daily business.

“We do have some potentially good news…” He began. There was another loud shuffling of papers as he scanned notes. The monitor next to me beeped methodically.

“Please, anything I can get.” I whispered, desperate for his announcement. Please tell me Jaime was outside, please tell me Autumn was currently beating that asshat who hit me, please, anything…

“Since your brain seemed to have repaired the speech part of your brain, we might see an improvement in the vision part as well. If your brain can repair your ability to speak, it might repair your ability to see!” The doctor became excited at this, as if he discovered the cure for cancer. I smiled a little bit. My jaw hurt, well, my body hurt overall, but I managed to smile.

Sometimes, that was all you can do.

“So I might still see?”

“Possibly. It’s not a for sure thing, but with time to heal and rest, there is a possibility your vision will come back after years, months, maybe even weeks.” The doctor patted my arm, as if he was reassuring me that he was still in the room.

I wouldn’t count on weeks, but at least this wouldn’t be a forever thing. Jaime and the others would help me through this. We were a big family. We can do this together.

I think the doctor was saying something, but I was just smiling and nodding. I didn’t really hear what he had to say. I was so focused on being able to finally speak to Jaime that I tuned out on the other words.

“There’s a young man in the lobby for you. He’s seen you every day. Would you like me to get him?” He asked. I nodded, even though it hurt. I heard a door slowly close and footsteps leave my sterile room. I dared not to move, for fear of bumping into stuff or knocking over life-sustaining (and expensive) equipment.

There was another soft clamor of steps as two people came back to my room. The hinges on the door wailed as it was pushed open.

“She’s in here. Please be kind of quiet. Her head will still be sensitive.” The doctor softly asked him. The other man silently answered as the door shut us in for some private time.

“Willow? Are you awake?” He asked me. Well, it was kind of obvious I was awake since I had my eyes open, even though I couldn’t see anything. I took a moment to soak up where the voice had been. My eyes flickered over to where I thought he was seated.

“Jaime?” I asked softly. A hand reached out and grabbed mine. I flinched at the touch. He drew away. I frowned.

“Yes, darling. I’m right here.” He softly cooed to me.

“Where are you?” I asked again.

“Here, dear.” He responded patiently. Okay, these few months until I got my vision back would be a lot harder than I first thought.

There was a gentle sucking in of air as he gasped. It seemed to hit him that I had asked him a question. I real, real, real question. Not just some fake, ‘I can’t use many words so interpret this like a tuba’ question, but a real one.

And then the shame hit me.

I was just some blind girl. I was another fool fumbling around in the dark. I would spill stuff on myself. I would be a pain in the ass to help. I would be more trouble than I was worth. The boys would be glad to help for the first week….and then they would grow tired of me. They wouldn’t always help me get the coffee. I wouldn’t be any fun anymore. I couldn’t see the TV and laugh at the actors on the screen. I couldn’t read a book or play bored games. No more hide and seek.

I was just a lump.

I was the lonely pickle at the bottom of the jar floating around in the pickle juice.

And no one liked the pickle juice.

“Willow…you can, you can talk….” He gasped quietly in amazement. I smiled faintly.

“Yeah, I can, Himes.” I told him sadly, swallowing the lump in my throat that had begun to form. I felt a note of anxiety spread through my body. My stupid anxiety was flaring up. I’ve always had to deal with it and it had been passed down through the family.

Thanks a lot, genetics.

“God, you have such a wonderful voice.” He whispered, grabbing my hand and pressing his lips to the back of it. I blushed and turned my head away. I assumed I was facing the window since a sudden blast of heat hit my cheeks.

“Jaime, I’m not that wonderful.” I shook my head, just enough so it didn’t hurt that bad.

“No, you’re perfect.”

“I’m a pain.” I whispered, thinking of all my setback. How was I going to get dressed in the morning? How would I pick out my clothes? I wouldn’t be able to drive my car!

What if this never went away?

“What? No you’re-“

“Jaime, I’m blind.” I stopped him mid-sentence. Those three words weighed heavily on him. It was enough to make him shut up long enough for me to swallow tears.

“Himes, I don’t know how I can do this. I’m just going to be a pain. The doctor said that this might go away, but there’s a good chance that it’s permanent. I’m so helpless. I won’t be able to do anything on my own. How can I drive? How can I watch Arrow with you? How can I do anything on my own? I’ll just be a pain around you guys since you have to help me do stuff until this goes away or I can learn to do it on my own.” I whispered, feeling sobs fall through my system. Jaime dropped my hand. I was afraid he had stood up and walked away, leaving me alone in my darkness.

I was so afraid. I was so lost without him there.

That’s when I felt two gentle hands grab my face, cupping my cheeks in his palms. His cool breath rolled over my face in waves. I felt his smile, even though I couldn’t see it.

“God, why do you have to be so perfect?” He whispered before pressing his lips into mine. I felt salty tears pour down my face but as he broke away, his thumb gently wiped them off. His hands carefully stroked my hair, a way of saying that he was here, and it was all going to be okay.

“Where are the others?” I sniffled. He laughed a little.

“Which ones?”

“Any. All.”

“Mike is yelling at Tony. Autumn is yelling at Mike for yelling at Tone. Vic is yelling he needs to pee, although we’re in the lot of the hospital.” He chuckled softly.

“What happened?” I asked curiously. He kissed the tip of my nose. I shivered a little bit.

“Tony locked the keys inside the bus-again.” Jaime sighed. I shook my head slowly. Oh, Turtle. What were we going to do with him?

“What about the ATL guys?”

“Well, Jack puked up a third lung a few hours ago since he ran fifteen miles in ten minutes, or maybe it was ten miles in fifteen minutes, just to see you. I think he fell asleep on the lobby couch now. Alex is probably cuddling with Jack. Rian and Zack are coloring.” Jaime softly chuckled. I rolled my eyes.

“A picture?”

“For you, of course.” He kissed my nose again and I held out my hand. He grabbed it.

“They’re sweet boys.”

“They are.” Jaime sighed. The door squeaked open. I heard my doctor asked for Jaime in the hall. Reluctantly, my guy went with him. I stared at whatever was ahead of me, waiting for him to get back.

Notes