Sometimes I Sit and Wonder, Sometimes I Feel like Letting Go.

Tony's P.O.V.

Right now I'm at lunch, and its Tuesday. I'm eating my salad, when everyone first noticed all I ate was salads, or meatless sandwiches they gave me dirty looks. I always brushed it off, because this is the food I like, and its low in calories.

Mike was silently eating beside me, we was holding hands under the table. Mike was still weary about showing affection at school, even though everyone knew we was a couple. Abby told me it was because Mike was scared I might get bullied. I don't think I will though, nothings happened since Mike told Ronnie off.

I finish my salad and get up to throw the trash away. Mike got up too, and walked beside me. I'm not mad or anything, it's actually really sweet that he cares so much. I've never had anyone care so much, except for maybe Abby. I just wonder if he feels the why he acts, surely this can't all be an act. I really hope it's not. I love Mikey so damn much, and I would die if something happened between us.

When Mike and I get back to the table I say I have to go to the bathroom. Mike gives me a questioning glance, but I say I'll be fine, and head on.

Once I'm in the bathroom I do everything I have to do. But when I walk out none other then the very infamous Ronnie Radke pinned me to the wall, and had a grip around my throat. I didn't try fighting because that only makes It worse. I waiting for the first blow, but it never came instead he said.

"Where's your little fag boyfriend? Why isn't he hear to save your ugly ass? Maybe it's because he doesn't love you." While he was saying that some spit got on my face. But all I can really think about is, it's probably true. Mike probably doesn't love me, and this is all some sick game.

"T... that's not true." I stutter out, because the grip he has on my throat is getting tighter.

"Oh but I think it is. Who could ever love someone like you? You're a fat, ugly, fag. You aren't good for anything, why don't you just end it?" He spat, and I wanted to cry so bad.

"Y.. you would be glade I.. if I ended it, w... wouldn't you? B... but once the guilt s... settles in, it will e... eat you alive." I managed to choke out. The edges of my vision was starting to blur.

"I don't feel guilt. Go kill yourself fat ass fag. Mike wouldn't even care." He said with his teeth clenched, and then dropped me. I fell to the floor with a 'thud.' I gasped for air, and was trying not to cry.

There was only thing running through my mind 'What id Ronnie was right? What if Mike doesn't like me?' That thought only made me want to cry more. I got up, and pulled myself together, but as I was walking to the cafeteria the bell rang. So I just switched routes, and went to my next class.

For the rest of the day I was trying not to cry, Mike asked a few times what was wrong but I wouldn't answer. All I wanted to do was go home and cry like a little baby, and that's exactly what I am.

The bell finally rang, and I told Abby I was going to walk ahead. She nodded, and said she would tell Mike for me.

As soon as I was outside, I ran all the way home, and didn't stop. Once I got home I made a beeline to my room, slammed the door, and lost it. I was bawling my eyes out, and had the urge for the blade.

But I promised I wouldn't do it anymore. I've been clean for months, and this would be bad. But I needed to release. Mike wouldn't care, Mike doesn't care about me. Who could?

I rummaged under my bed for the tiny chest I keep them in. Finally I found it, and found the perfect blade. I brought the cold, shiny metal to my wrist and cut.

One, for how ugly I am.

Two, for how fat I am.

Three, because I'm a fuck up.

Four, for Mike not caring.

Five, for doing this again.

Six, because I want to give up.

Seven, because I'm stupid for thinking Mike could love me.

Eight, because I let myself fall for Mike,

Nine, because I can't save myself.

And Ten, for everything I've ever done wrong.

I made ten perfect cuts across my wrist. I was still crying hard, and I felt this wasn't enough. The release wasn't enough, I need more. I brought the blade to my wrist again, but my bedroom door slammed open.

Notes

Cliff hanger Monday everybody!! Hope you all like this. And I just want you to know the self harming is not the answer. It's not, so don't do it. Please?

I hope y'all have a lovely day/night!!! <3