Saturday morning, 7:21 A.M…

I deserve this.

I deserve this pain and this torture.

I deserve this enslavement.

Everything I’ve done wrong reinforces that I deserve this agony.

I am worthless.

I am weak.

I cannot fight.

I cannot speak.

I cannot.

I.

Am.

Nothing.

I woke up in tears, just like I had fallen asleep. The blankets tangled around me, pinning my arms at my side, just like Ryan did last night. With eyes that felt like they would never open again, I was surrounded in eternal darkness. Each breath was torture. Struggling, I twisted in the blankets.

“Little One?” A voice echoed to me. I heard cackling laughter over it. A hand reached out and touched my cheek.

“DON’T TOUCH ME!” I yelped back in fear. Colliding with the top of the bunk, my eyes snapped open. It felt like I was ripping glue off. I huddled in the far corner of the bunk. Looking at Ricky’s confused face, I shivered.

Oh yeah, I was here.

“I-I’m s-s-sorry, s-s-si….”I couldn’t even finish my sentence. Ricky sat up in his bunk. The blankets were a mess in the bed and I was tucked in the corner. With my knees close to my chest, I struggled to fall from this steep anxiety attack.

“Rory, you’re safe.” Ricky soothed. I looked into those icy blue eyes and drowned.

“I’m sorry, Master. Please don’t punish me.” I whispered to him. I rested my head back against the side of the bunk as he frowned in sorrow.

“Horror, is everything alright?” Balz asked. Ricky looked out.

“Just go away.” Ricky growled. Balz growled back and stalked off. Ricky must’ve still been sore from last night.

Although I knew that I was worse.

“Come here, Little One.” Ricky cooed to me. Although I wished to disappear into the wall of the moving vehicle, I knew that if I didn’t do what he wanted, I would be punished.

Again.

So I crawled towards him. It felt so unusual, like I was wearing a second skin with his clothes on. This new form felt heavy with guilt and dirtiness.

“You’re safe now. I won’t let him hurt you.” Ricky promised over and over. He held me against his chest as I shook like a leaf in the fall.

He wouldn’t hurt me…He wouldn’t hurt me….He wouldn’t hurt me…

Would he?

“I-it’s o-okay, M-master. I deserved i-it.” I stuttered out. Isn’t that what Oli had told me? One day during a lesson, I was learning all the proper responses.

He told me that I deserved every punishment inflicted on me. I deserved every beating. I should respond with that answer because it was true.

“No, you didn’t, sweetheart.” He told me softly. I shook my head and he sighed. It was obvious he didn’t want to argue right now.

“You deserve it…” Death cackled in my ear.

“Come on, let’s get breakfast.” Ricky suggested. I nodded, although my stomach was too twisted to consume food. Besides, I didn’t want to face Ryan. I didn’t want to face any of them. As much as I wanted to ask Ricky to stay in his bunk, he wouldn’t let me leave his side.

Bad things might happen if I am not with him.

Ricky crawled out of the bunk and held out his hand for me to take. Ducking my head over the ledge, I stood up and collapsed. Whimpering from the needles of pain between my thighs and ankle, I bit my lip to keep from screaming in pain.

Ryan had done a number on me.

“Are you okay?” Ricky asked me. I nodded weakly and attempted to get back up. I barely made it two steps before falling again. Every time I put weight on my muscles, I could feel liquid fire course through my body.

“Master, I can’t stand.” I whispered and ducked my head in shame. I was supposed to be better than this. I wasn’t supposed to be this helpless.

“It’s okay, Little One. Here, let me help.” He murmured. His arms scooped me up and carried me to the front lounge. There was Chris and Balz sitting while Vinny drove. Ghost and Ryan must still be asleep.

“Drama queen.” Chris rolled his eyes. Ricky growled and flipped him off.

“She’s hurt, badly.” Ricky informed him. Chris went back to typing something on a laptop and sipping coffee. The man set me down on the empty couch let me lean against the arm. He sat at right next to me.

“She’ll live through it.” Chris retorted without looking up. Ricky looked ticked but didn’t say anything. I continued to feel more and more helpless. The silver collar around my neck jingle as I pushed a piece of hair out of my eyes.

The car kept driving on in silence. I thought of what day it was. I think it was early October. My sister would be on fall break right now. She was a freshman in high school. Her vacation would be spent out in Montana at some ranch.

Wait, we were headed into the heart of that state.

I swallowed a hard lump in my throat. I had completely forgotten about my little sister! Then it occurred to me…

The MIW boys didn’t know about her. If they found out…well I couldn’t imagine what would happen. As long as they didn’t know, she would be safe.

I was eighteen. She was fifteen. She had to stay safe. She couldn’t protect herself when she was so young. Well, anything younger than I was little to me. Anyways, I had to keep her out of this deadly market.

“Oh, look who’s up.” Ryan muttered. He had dark bags under his eyes as he stumbled out of his bunk and towards the front of the bus. Ricky’s scowl deepened.

“Shut up, Ry.” Rick growled.

“What, did you have round two last night?” He smirked. I ducked my head further into my chest. Ricky leapt up.

“Shut. Up.” Ricky snarled. Chris stepped between the two.

“Easy now, Horror. Go up to with Vin.” Chris suggested to Ryan. The man rolled his eyes but went to sit in the passenger seat. Balz raised an eyebrow in surprise at how easy Ryan went.

“Why the hell did you ever let him do that?” Ricky muttered to Chris. The singer shook his head.

“We went over this last night…”

“I told you the story! She didn’t deserve to be punished for getting water.” Ricky raised his voice a notch. Chris patted his shoulder and went to sit back down. I let out a tiny sigh of relief. At least Ricky hadn’t spilled our secret.

He came back and sat next to me again. Conflict had been avoided yet again.

“Hey, Rory.” Ghost murmured as he emerged, sleep-eyed, from his bunk. I smiled a little. I don’t think he was too bad, but then again…

“Hello, sir.” I responded quietly. Ghost went and sat down, attempting to detangle his hair in the process. Ricky absentmindedly traced random patterns up and down my left leg.

“Chris, can she please sleep with me again?” Ricky asked softly. Chris shook his head.

“We’re sticking to the schedule, Rick.” Chris shook his head. Wait, schedule!?

My brain started to click into play again. Oh right, sleeping schedule. The days, what were the days? With a weary mind, I tried to find the pattern that I had been used to. It went Ghost, Chris, Balz, Vinny, Ricky, and then…Ryan.

It could start on any man, but it always ended up with Ryan right after Ricky.

“You deserve it…” Death cackled in my ear.

“Hehe, don’t deny it.” Ryan laughed from upfront. Ricky dug his nail into my skin and I yelped a little. He looked at me apologetically. An apology formed on his lips.

“Please, just one night.” Ricky begged. I nodded in agreement. Chris shot me a look to be still and I looked back down at my folded hands.

“No. End of story.” Chris responded, eyes glued to his laptop screen as he stretched out on the couch. Ricky pulled me closer to him. I involuntarily shivered as his lips brushed the tip of my ear. His cold breath brushed my skin.

“I’m so sorry.” He murmured. I nodded faintly, just enough for him to notice. He squeezed my hand gently and kissed the tip of my ear. When he released me, I fell back against the couch’s plush surface.

This would be a rough night.

Notes