It was 2 in the morning, and I was still working in the articles.
tbe sucky thing about this one is that it talks about how soliders leave their family and all that. I had a military dad. It hurt so much.
"You should go to sleep." Penny said as she set down a cup of raspberry tea. "It's really late."
"I'm not tired." I yawned. "I need to finish this."
"Okay." She kisse the top of my head walks to the bedroom. Inve I heard the door close I moved the papers, and put my head on the table. Slowly letting tears roll down my face. I put the song Starving for Friends by Slaves, on high. This song hits like a fuckig bullet in my chest and it made me think Soo much of him throughout the whole song.

I didnt know i still had a soft part for that man. I didn't want to. I wanted to hate him with all my might, but I can't. I just want him to call me and I want to hear his voice, no matter what he said. He could say; "I fucking hate you. Go die for all I care."
I would be happy.

Die. death. Oh how good does that sound right now.
It's just one of those days that maybe death is the solution to my problems. Maybe I wouldn't be feeling so much regret and guilt or sadness. I'm just another kid that can't let go of the past, no matter how hard I actually tired.
I lift myself off the chair and walked to the bathroom. I closed the door softly and sank to the ground.
"Why?" I cried. "Why did you leave me?" I asked no one. "I missed you. I miss you. I hate you. I hate me." I repeated. And repeated.

you deserve this.

worthless fucker.

he didn't love you and never will.

even if you gave him a chance, he'll still hate you.

I mean look at you! He's ashamed!!

i stood up and looked at the mirror. My eyes red from the crying and my nose pink from the sniffing. maybe the voices in my head were right. I tippy toed and grabbed a familiar object. Something I've grown a relationship with for the past years. I closed my eyes as it slid across my wrists, making my skin rip. Like I always wanted. To rip myself open, and let my black soul die. Because that's what I had. A black soul.
No love.
no happiness.
just hate and sadness.

How darker could I get?

---

"Alia." I opened my eyes and see Penny looking down at me. "You okay?"
"not really.. Why?"
"I found you asleep in the bathroom."
"Oh.. Sorry. I was pretty tired." I said and let myself up from the bed.
"Did you finish?"
"I did half. Can you take it and tell her I wasn't feeling well?"
"sure." She kisses my forehead. "Breakfast is in the kitchen. I'll be back early. if you leave, leave a note okay?"
"yes mom." I said, she smiled.
"Good. Bye Ali."
"bye Penny." She waves and leaves the bathroom. I waited for the front door to be shut, before i screamed.

All this anger was getting me tired.
all this sadness made me cry.
I had no happiness.
maybe I wasn't made for happiness.


Im the defect of this world.

Alia Micelle.... Fuentes. A nineteen year old girl, useless for the world. Black hearted bitch, who is just starving for some love, yet she doesn't accept if when it's offered.



Oh. That bastard.

Notes