Dirty Little Secret

Victor's P.O.V.

Kellin's been calling me for over an hour. I have 44 missed calls from him. I want to answer but I can't knowing he's still with that girl. No matter how much he tells me she doesn't mean anything, I just won't believe it. I wish I could believe him, I just can't. I can't trust anyone...not anymore.

We shouldn't even be together...it was a mistake, I have too many problems to deal with on my own that not him or anyone else but I and my parents know about. And it's staying that way. No one can ever know, and I won't feel right being with Kellin if I'm keeping something from him anyway.

Kellin called again, I still didn't answer. But this time he left a voice mail, so I played it.

"Victor, I'm sorry...I shouldn't of said what I said. I understand if you can't trust me, just give me another chance. I...I just broke up with Kate....for you. I want to be with you, Victor. Just you. I swear if you don't call me back, I'm going to your house. I really like you, babe...call me back."

He's done with Kate? I can't believe this. He actually broke up with her. Fuck. I can't stay with him though...

After about twenty minutes or so there was a knock at my door. I stood up and walked over not wanting to talk to anyone right now. I opened the door and saw Kellin. I didn't even realize it was raining outside until I noticed how wet he was from the rain. His eyes were red.

"Victor, I'm sorry..."

"You broke up with Kate?..."

"Yes. I told her I met someone...Victor, I'm falling really hard for you...you've made me feel more than I have with anyone. It hasn't even been that long since I've met you but everyday I feel like I'm walking on clouds because of you. You're amazing, kind, sincere, fun, and I just want you to give me another chance. It's just me and you now...I know you don't trust me now, so let's start fresh? I'll tell you all of my secrets, you tell me yours and they'll just be our secrets now. I don't know why you're so afraid of trusting me but I swear I'll find a way to gain your trust." Kellin spoke. He was still standing in the pouring rain. He was actually crying right now...

"C-Come in..." I spoke. He stepped in. I don't care if he's dragging water into the house. That's the least of my worries. I just want to hold him and tell him everything's okay, and that we're okay...but he needs to know some things before he decides if he can handle being with a sick person.

"Kellin..." I took both his hands in my own. "I only have one secret to tell...but you need to tell me all of yours first."

"Okay...just don't...don't freak out or let this change the way you see me..." Kellin spoke softly. I'm actually afraid he'll see me differently after I tell him mine.

"I won't. I promise." I assured him. He squeezed my hands tighter before speaking.

"I used to self harm...I stopped a few months ago but I thought since I can't cut anymore...what's the harm in finding a better way to numb the pain? So I..."

"What is it, Kellin?" I asked, softly. I can't believe he used to hurt himself..

"I'm uh...apparently I'm an alcoholic now? I don't think I am. I just drink often...it's not a problem,but my mom keeps bugging me about it. You're okay with it, r-right? I'm not doing anything bad. It's just a drink." Kellin answered. My heart twisted just a little. I know someone with the same problem...

"Kellin.." I whispered, pulling him into a hug. His wet clothes soaked through mine within seconds. Kellin started crying softly onto my shoulder.

"Anything else, babe?" I asked, whispering in his ear, still holding him in my arms.

"B-babe?..." He asked. I smiled a little, nodding my head. "There's only one more thing...but I'll tell you that later. Now you tell me your secret."

I pulled away from Kellin and looked up at him. Fuck. Should I really?...I have to.

"Kellin, it's not easy for me to say...I'm fucked up real bad."

"Everyone's fucked up." Kellin spoke, holding my hands. I sighed.

"No, not like me. I'm fucked up in the head, Kellin." I watched as Kellin's face grew worried. "I was...I have paranoid schizophrenia. I'm on anti-psychotics...they've been working really well, my doctor says I'm improving." I spoke. I didn't want to look at Kellin. He's gonna hate me, he's not gonna want me anymore.

"Victor, look at me." Kellin whispered. He moved my face up with his hands to look at him then pressed his lips against mine. I didn't expect this, but I loved it. I wrapped my arms around his waist as we stumbled onto my couch.

"Victor. This doesn't change anything." Kellin spoke. He was on top of me now. His wet clothes were bothering me, so I pulled his shirt off.

"I like where this is going." Kellin smirked.

"I do too." I whispered back. I latched my lips onto his neck and sucked softly, earning a moan from Kellin. When I looked at him his face was red. Typical, blushy, little Kellin. I love this boy.

Notes

Smut in the next chapter c: I hope you liked this one c:

did you expect what happened? cx

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