One Hundred And One Sleepless Nights

I'd considered staying in Mexico. Leah and I had it all planned. She was changing her name to Leo, I was Zandro. We were going to pose as a lesbian couple just married selling hand woven ponchos to pay the rent. But Leo missed Alan so we had to come home. I think getting away helped me clear my head though. I needed alone time to think everything through. I felt light and everything was clear inside.
But that was of course all blown out of the window as I returned. I knew Jack was at mine because I spotted his car. I cautiously opened up and poked my head around the door. Jack was sitting on my couch eating my food. Shit. I anxiously walked towards him and he turned to look at me.
"Hi." I said sheepishly.
"Hey." Jack replied, he didn't smile. He didn't frown. He just looked kinda sad really.
"You okay?" I asked nervously as I took a seat next to him.
"Where were you?" he asked, ignoring my question.
"Mexico." I said casually.
"Mexico?" he asked with raised eyebrows.
"Yeah, I went with Leah." I explained.
"You're not normal." he shook his head.
"Look, Jack I-"
But he stopped me. "I know, Zee." Jack said simply.
"You don't."
"I do." he shrugged.
"I love you." I said thickly.
"Even if you don't chose Vic I can't be with you." he said. From the look on his face he's been trying to ready himself for those words for a long time. He's decided.
"I love you, Jack." I repeated.
"You should be with the person you want, not who you need." he told me evenly, standing up. I sighed and stood up too. I ran in front of his as he went to leave.
"Please don't do this," I begged. "I love you, Jack."
"Stop," Jack said firmly. "Just stop, babe. I just want you to be happy."
"I'm happy with you." I rushed.
"You're not though," he sighed. "You're using me, don't deny it. You're not happy, you're just using me so you're not sad all of the time. There's a huge difference between happiness and not feeling sad anymore."
"You'll make me happy though!" I said desperately.
"You haven't been happy for months. Why can't you just admit it?"
"Because something won't let me!" I gasped.
"The only time I saw you happy was when you were with Vic and Alex. All together. Do you know what it's like to know how you look happy and to not be able to give you that happiness?"
"I'm sorry." I rushed.
Jack smiled sadly and took my hand. He slid off my engagement ring and held it in his hand. He tucked it in his pocket and held my face gently in his hands. He leant in and pressed one last, quick, soft kiss to my lips. I kissed back, wanting more. But it didn't come. He turned and left me. I guess I'm single.
I could have ran straight to Vic. I could do it. But I didn't. Instead I headed to my kitchen and grabbed a bottle of beer, uncapping it and drinking straight from the bottle.
I was slowly drinking through everything I had. The bottle of beer had gone and I was halfway through a bottle of wine. I heard someone knock the door and I stumbled over. I opened it and saw Kellin. I didn't say anything, I just let him come in. I went back to the couch and grabbed the bottle, Kellin watched me drink from it, looking anxious.
"You're drinking from the bottle." he noted.
"And you're talking out of your ass." I retorted.
"What happened?" he asked gently.
"What are you doing here?" I asked.
"I heard you were back. I wanted to come and see how you are with everything that has happened."
"Oh," I looked up. "Thanks then."
"So, what happened?" he asked again.
"Jack left me." I said deadpan. Kellin opened his arms for me and I hugged him. He held me for a while and rubbed circles into my back. I felt him press a kiss to my hair and sighed.
"You know I never actually liked you two being together." Kellin eventually admitted.
"Why didn't you say so?" I pulled away.
"Because you liked him." he shrugged.
"I could have saved myself from all this bullshit." I shook my head.
"Don't be sad it happened, be sad it never worked out. Then grow and get over it," she said, not meanly but sweetly. "I think you know what you've got to do." he added.
"I'm not sure." I sighed.
"The only time you and Vic argued was when you weren't together," Kellin said. I sat back and thought. That's true. "He's my friend sure. But Vic is an asshole. I'll be the first to admit it. He's a huge asshole, but he's a good person too. He means well, he just fucks up all of the damn time." he said.
"I don't know what to do." I said desperately.
"Do you love Vic?" he asked me simply.
"Yeah." I replied easily.
"Stop worrying about what might happen then, Zee. Just find out. Do it."
"Really?" I asked.
"Do it." he repeated.
"Okay." I nodded.
I got up and started to gather my things. I grabbed my bag and headed downstairs. I couldn't take my car. Instead I walked, I wanted to be sure this was the right thing to do first. I walked for what seemed like ages. Eventually though I came to a stop. I was outside Vivian's. It was dark outside now. But I went to the door. I knocked and waited anxiously. I just wanted to do it.
She answered the door and widened her eyes when she saw me. "Is everything okay?" Vivian asked.
"I need to see Vic." I rushed.
"It's late. He's upstairs in his old room." she said but she didn't stand back to let me through.
"Please." I tried.
"You picked Jack." she stated.
"Jack and I just broke up." I said flatly.
Vivian let me through and I hurried upstairs. I went to Vic's old bedroom and opened the door. I saw Vic sat cross-legged on his bed. I closed the door behind myself and Vic looked up. He widened his eyes and hurried to stand up.
"What's wrong?" Vic asked. "Alex is okay, she's sleeping."
"Jack just broke up with me." I rushed.
"He did?" Vic asked and I nodded.
"He said even if I choose him he doesn't want me. I don't blame him."
"Zee-" Vic tried and came to wrap his arms around me.
"No, don't touch me!" I snapped, stepping back. "Now you listen to me and better listen good. Okay?" I said.
"Okay."
"I love you, Vic. And I mean I really want-to-be-with-you-forever-holding-hands-in-the-nursing-home love you." I told him. Vic's eyes brightened and he grinned at me.
"I love you too, Zee." Vic said warmly. He went to pull me to him again but I stopped him.
"I'm not finished," I snapped. "I love you but I don't know if I can be with you."
"Why not?" Vic's face dropped.
"We'll have to set some ground rules."
"Ground rules." Vic echoed.
"Yeah. Like no lies. We have to tell each other everything." I said.
"Of course." Vic rushed.
"No cheating. You cheat on me even one time and we are never happening again."
"Deal."
"You can't put the band before me. I'm important too."
"Definitely. The most important thing."
"No, Alex is. If she doesn't want us to be together or doesn't like it we need to break up."
"She has the most say." Vic nodded eagerly.
"And flowers at least once a month. Chocolates every fortnight. Hot sex every week."
"Only once a week?" Vic teased.
"I said hot. It might be hot for you every time but you're not the one who never gets to finish." I shot back.
"Talk about boosting my confidence."
"I do my best." I shrugged.
"So, can I kiss you?" Vic asked hopefully. "Can we be together?"
"Yes." I grinned.
Vic pulled me to him and put his hands on my waist. He picked me up and my arms went around his neck. He dropped me and crushed his lips onto mine. He held me tighter and pulled his lips away. He buried his face into the crook of my neck and nuzzled me. I pulled his head up and saw Vic grinning. Then as he pressed a kiss to my forehead I couldn't help but grin back.

Notes

Hey everyone! Oh gosh get ready for the long ass note. Not as long as the next and final one, but pretty long. What did you think of my story? Are you happy she's with Vic? Are you sad her and Jack are over? It's ending. How do you feel now it's over? I'm feeling awful! But I know it's time to end. I will be posting the final epilogue tomorrow. I just want to say a huge thank you to everyone and the feedback I've gotten. I'll say a real thank you tomorrow. Now stay lovely and comment! Tell me what you think xo