One Hundred And One Sleepless Nights

I will kill him. I will actually kill him. Where is he? Where the hell is he? I know he's going through a lot, but come on! He missed Alex's party! Now I've missed Alex's party too to save his drunken, depressed ass. And who do I have as my sidekick? Leah the unhelpful.
"Where would he go?" I asked her.
"How am I supposed to know?" Leah sighed dramatically.
"You've been the one teaching him tongue lessons." I snapped.
"Don't get angry." she rolled her eyes. Now I remember why I used to hate her.
"He could be anywhere! He could be at the bottom of the Golden Gate Bridge!"
"The Golden Gate. Really?"
"He's an alcoholic. I can't believe he's an alcoholic." I feel like crying. Oh wait, I did cry. At Alan's. In the car. Just a moment ago.
"He's not. He just has dependency problems." she reasoned.
"That's fancy talk for an alcoholic," I huffed. "Why didn't you tell me, Leah?" I asked desperately.
"He didn't want me to. He didn't want you thinking bad about him. Besides, you have so much going on."
"I would have listened!" I exclaimed angrily.
"Well I did!" she shot back. "Maybe in your head I was just fucking him, but Alan means something to me. So just stop, Zee!" Leah yelled.
"I-" I looked down. "I'm sorry, Leah."
"Look, we should split up. You go to yours and I'll try and get in touch with his dad. If he starts sobering up the first place he'll go is to yours or Austin's." Leah explained.
"Okay." I eventually nodded.
Leah gave me a small smile and headed back to her car. I frowned for a minute until I went back to my car. I got inside and started driving to my apartment. I parked up and went inside.
When I opened the door I looked cautiously inside. Alan has his key. But he's never even used it. I walked anxiously into the sitting room and to the kitchen. I was searching. Eventually I went into my bedroom. I gasped and swallowed hard. Alan was lying in my bed on top of the covers, shivering and shaking. His eye were all bloodshot and he looked sickly pale.
My plan was always to shout. But I couldn't. Looking at him now, how pathetic and ill he looked... There was no way I could be angry at him.
I went over to him and sat down next to him. I touched Alan's arm and he went to back away from me. "It's okay," I soothed. "It's only me." I said.
"I-" he tried but he was shaking too bad.
"Shut up and let me hug you," I said. I leant down and wrapped my arms around him. Alan relaxed into my arms. I sighed and held him close to me. I pulled away and Alan lay again, his head in my lap. I ran my fingers gently through his hair and kept hold of one of his hands. I could feel him shaking. "Are you sobering up?" I asked.
"How-?"
"Leah." I said simply.
"Is she mad?" he rushed.
"No," I smiled. "So, when was your last drink?"
"Last night." he muttered.
"How you feeling?" I asked.
"I can't do it, Zee." Alan gasped.
"You can," I muttered. "You need help, Al'. You have a problem."
"I do not have a problem!" Alan snapped. If he could get up I'm pretty sure he'd be storming out of my apartment.
"Okay, shhh," I sighed. "I know you don't." I lied.
"Don't tell anyone."
"I won't." I lied again.
"Okay." he sniffed.
"Have some sleep. I'll be just in the sitting room." I said. I set Alan's head down and got up. I headed out and looked back at him. His eyes were already closing.
I walked into the sitting room and picked up my phone. I sat down and waited for her to answer. "Hello?" Polly asked.
"Hi. It's Zandra." I said.
"Oh, um is everything okay?" she asked nervously. Oh no, I hope she isn't going to start crying again.
"Yeah. Is the party over?"
"It finished an hour ago. Alex is playing, it's okay." she assured me.
"Would you look after Alex for me? There's an emergency here." I tried.
"Of course." she agreed.
"Can you tell everyone to come to mine?" I asked.
"Sure. Is it about Alan?" I don't know who told her, but she sounds sympathetic.
"Yeah." I muttered.
"I'll tell everyone." Polly told me and I nodded but realised she couldn't see me.
"Thanks." I mumbled.
I sat back on the couch and put my head in my hands. I rubbed my eyes and tried to calm down. I won't cry again. It's not happening. I'm not letting it happen. I started to fiddle with the hem of my shirt for something to do. If I don't keep my hands busy I might get mad and they might do something stupid, like go around Alan's neck.
I heard a knock at the door and went to answer. I didn't even really see the people there. I just went back to sit in the sitting room. "How is he?" Austin asked. It was only then I looked at them. Austin, Jemma, Vic, Mike, Laura, Jaime, Jess, Tony and his girlfriend, Phil, Aaron and Tino were all here.
"He's not good," I finally replied. "He's suffering. He needs help." I sighed.
"When was his last?" Jemma asked.
"Oh, you're taking to me now?" I mocked.
"I was always talking to you, Zee," she sighed. "I was angry, but I never stopped talking to you."
"Then where have you been?" I shot back.
Jemma looked to Austin and she shook her head. "I've been busy." she said simply.
"What's going on?" Alan asked. I spun around and looked at him guiltily. "We having a party." he tried to laugh but it came out false and distorted.
"I'm sorry, Al'." I rushed.
"You said you wouldn't!" he spat.
"They have to know. You need help." I said desperately.
"It's a secret. Everyone has secrets." Alan spat.
"No, they don't." Austin said.
"Jemma's pregnant!" Alan exclaimed. I sighed and waited for the questions. But all I could hear was a light crying. I turned and saw Jemma covering her face with her hands.
"Shhh..." Austin soothed. He wrapped his arms around her and she cried into his chest.
"Jemma?" I asked gently.
"Can I tell them?" Austin whispered in her ear. She nodded and Austin looked down to the floor. "She isn't pregnant anymore. We had a miscarriage not long after we got back." he admitted.
"Jemma, I'm sorry." I rushed.
"No," she shook her head. "It's okay."
"Why did you say that?" Mike demanded.
"God, Al'. Learn some sense of timing." Tino shook his head.
"This-" Jemma sniffed. "This isn't about me. We all came for Alan," she managed to get out. "We came to get him the help he needs."
"I'm not getting help!" Alan yelled. "I don't need it!"
"I think you do!" I shot back.
"I think it's none of your fucking business!"
"Please," I said, calmer again. I felt like I was begging him. "Just get help. For me. For your friends... and your family."
"I can't." Alan said thickly.
Then we heard a loud banging on my front door. Vic ran to get it and I saw Leah run through. She stopped when she saw Alan and gasped. She ignored all of us and went to Alan. She looked at him softly for a moment before she smacked him right around the head.
"Ow! Leah!" Alan exclaimed.
"How dare you just run away like that! You selfish, childish bastard!" Leah hissed.
"Babe-" he tried desperately.
"No, look at you! You're shaking! You're a mess! Why the hell are you running away?!"
"I'm sorry." he muttered.
"I don't want to hear it. Now sit down!" she snapped. I watched bemused as Alan took a seat on the couch. "What did you tell them?"
"They want me to get help. I don't want to get help. I don't need it." he rushed. Leah sighed and sat next to him. She took his hand and smiled.
"I know I said we could do it. I know I said it was all our secret and you've got it all yourself. But you need help," Leah told him gently and he shook his head. I've never seen her be so nice. It's a little terrifying actually. "I want to save you, babe."
"I- Leah." Alan sighed.
"We'll find you a nice place. It'll make you better. I'll be there too, I promise," Leah hurried to say. "Remember what you mean to me."
Alan sat there for what seemed like forever. Until he finally nodded. "I'll do it for my mom... and I'll do it for you, Leah."
"Thank you." she said and smiled sadly, wrapping her arms around him.

Notes

Hey. What did you think? Lots going on. Everything with Polly. Jemma losing the baby. Alan and Leah. Oh and an intervention. Favourite line? Thank you everyone for the lovely messages. I'm not too happy with this chapter, but I felt like I had to give you something. I hope you're all okay! xo