One Hundred And One Sleepless Nights

There's nothing like a good crisis to distract from and prevent a nervous breakdown. And have I been given a crisis. Austin called me at the crack of midday. I was of course in bed and incredibly hungover from a night to drinking, over eating and crying while watching Pride and Prejudice. Austin sounded absolutely frantic on the phone.
When I answered the phone I was a mix of groggy and pissed off. "Hello?" I grumbled.
"Zee, I need you!" Austin exclaimed.
"What is it? If no ones dead then I'm not interested."
"Someone might be dead!"
"Who?" I asked, sitting up more.
"Alan."
"What?" I asked, nearly dropping the phone.
"You have to check on him. He's not answering his door. His phone too."
"Can't you check on him?" I yawned.
"I'm here. He won't open the door."
"He's probably sleeping." I reasoned.
"No, I spoke to his neighbour. The last time he was seen he was carrying in bags and bags of beer and spirits and everything."
"Maybe he was having a party." I tried, but I was anxiously biting on my bottom lip.
"Zee." Austin whined.
"Okay, okay, I'm coming." I said.
I hung up and went to get ready. Then after I grabbed my car keys and hurried out. I drove across town and to where Alan's apartment block was. I parked up outside and went inside. I started walking up to his apartment and sighed when I saw Austin standing outside Alan's.
"Still won't open up?" I asked and Austin shook his head.
"I'm going to get some coffee. I've been here since this morning." Austin explained. I nodded and took Austin's space by the door. As he walked away I knocked.
"Al', it's Zee!" I called. Nothing. "Open the door!" I added. Still nothing. "Can you at least knock or something. I've got some things I need to get off my chest and I don't want to be talking to myself." I said. Maybe this will work. I heard a loud knock on the door from inside. I took a seat at the door and rested my back up against it. "Before I tell you anything can you tell me what's wrong?" I asked.
"It's nothing." I eventually heard.
"Doesn't sound like nothing." I reasoned.
"It's nothing." Alan repeated.
"So guess what happened," I said. "You heard Vic wanted to take me to court. He did. My lawyer was badass, you should have seen it. But it wasn't good enough. Vic's lawyer slayed me up there. You know I hooked up on New Years? It was with Jack Barakat. They brought him up and said how I'm not honest with Alex. They said I'm unreliable. Basically they called me a shit mother. So they took her away. Vic came to get her and she's with him for two months now. I thought my heart was going to break... She was crying so hard, Al'. There's nothing I could do." I said. I was keeping the sob inside of me, making my voice thick and heavy.
"Do you get to see her?" Alan asked.
"When Vic lets me." I muttered.
"I don't know what to say... That's bullshit." Alan sighed.
"I know," I mumbled. "The worst part is I still love him. He loves me back, Alan. We just both wish we didn't love the other."
"What are you going to do?" he asked.
"I don't know," I answered honestly. "There's not a lot I can do... About any of it."
We fell into a silence. I didn't want to break it. I thought Alan didn't either. "Mom's sick." he finally told me.
"What's wrong with her?" I eventually asked.
"She's been sick a few months now."
"Why didn't you tell me?" I sighed.
"I didn't tell anyone really."
"No one?"
"Well, I told this girl. We've been going out kinda'. She's been here a lot and been here helping me." Alan told me.
"What's wrong with your mom?" I asked.
"After being in and out of hospital she finally got a diagnosis."
"Go on." I urged.
"Cancer," he said. "She's got stomach cancer, Zandra. Fuck." he growled roughly.
"Open the door for me." I said gently and I fell back. I turned and saw Alan in front of me, his eyes red. I could tell he'd been crying. I got to my feet and wrapped my arms around him. He buried his face into my neck and sobbed. I held him tighter as he cried. "Shhh." I soothed.
"Zee?" Austin asked. I turned and saw him just walking inside. He closed the door behind himself and came over cautiously.
"Can I tell him?" I asked Alan and he nodded against me. "Mama Ashby is sick." I explained.
"What's wrong?" Austin asked urgently.
"She has a touch of stomach cancer, nothing she can't handle." I said gently. Austin didn't reply, instead he came over and wrapped his lanky arms around the both of us. We stood for a while in one huge group hug. Until Alan raised his head and we broke away. Alan wiped his eyes and sniffed loud.
"Thanks guys." Alan sighed.
"Don't be silly." I told him.
"Let's have fun. Come to Diamond's birthday party." Austin urged.
"Who's Diamond?" Alan asked.
"She sounds like a stripper." I added.
"There is no Diamond. We wanted to cheer Zee up."
"I don't want cheering up." I told him.
"I know." Austin nodded.
"I don't want a party." I added.
"Oh, I know."
"Will that stop you?" I asked.
"No," Austin grinned. "Don't care."

As much as I didn't want to come to Operation Diamond as I named it, I am actually having a pretty good time. There's a free bar! That makes it all the better. I know what everyone is thinking but I am not drunk.
I downed - another - drink and looked over to the doors. Jack walked in and spotted me. He smiled widely and started to make his way over. I don't know if Jack and I hooking up sunk in for everyone, but no one is approaching him yet.
"Zee, you look pretty." he told me brightly when he reached me.
"Thanks!" I smiled. "You look pretty too." Damn, Ladies and Gentlemen guy magnet right here.
"Thanks," he laughed. "I heard about the trial. Sorry, and sorry I couldn't be there."
"It's okay." I assured him. I reached over to get another drink. I got myself one and handed one to Jack. I found him staring at me and I frowned. "What?" I asked.
"Nothing." he shrugged and took the drink gratefully. "Seen Vic?" he asked.
"No," I rolled my eyes. "And if I never do it will be a day to soon."
"Okay," he laughed slightly. "Your hair is a mess." Jack chuckled and smoothed it back for me.
"Damn you're charming." I mocked.
"There has to be a reason we're friends."
"Sure, friend." I replied simply.
I took a step back and concentrated on my drink. Things between us seemed different. Jack was acting different. It was strange and new, but I didn't dislike it.
"Mommy!" I heard from across the room. I looked up and saw Alex running towards me. I got down on my knees and my face lit up. I smiled widely and engulfed her into my arms when she met me. I squeezed Alex tight and she giggled in my ear. "I missed you lots and lots and lots!" she exclaimed.
"I missed you too, Darling. I missed you so much," I told her. "Do you like it at Daddy's?" I asked.
"It smells funny and I miss Theo."
"What does it smell of?" Jack asked her. She looked up at him and frowned.
"Are you a stranger?" she asked.
"No, he's my friend. His name is Jack." I told her.
"It smells like Christmas all year round. But not the good kind, the kind at Nana Knight's house." Alex told us.
"That doesn't sound good," Jack laughed. He picked Alex up and placed her to sit on the bar. He reached in his pocket and got out a dollar bill. Alex's eyes lit up and she looked at me for permission. I nodded and she took it from him. "Now I don't want you spending it on your mom. Or on Vic or his girlfriend. Go get yourself some nice candy and annoy your dad." he told her.
"I can't have candy." Alex said simply.
"No candy!" Jack gasped.
"She's allergic to the adjectives. It's all junk." I explained.
"Okay, do you know what you do that'll annoy them just as much?" Jack asked excitedly and Alex shook her head innocently. "You put that in your money box and you go into the kitchen when no ones in there. You carefully swap all of the salt to sugar. Then when you see them getting angry you tell them you saw the other one doing it. Got it?" he explained.
"I think so." Alex grinned.
"Don't poison her." I laughed.
"Now, Alex how would you like to come with me and meet my band?" Jack asked.
"What names?" she asked.
"Rian, Zack and . . . Alex!"
"Like me?"
"Yeah, but you're prettier." he told me. Jack looked at me for permission and I nodded. Jack got down and pulled Alex up onto his shoulders. She grinned down at me and waved.
"I'm tall!" she called down to me.
"I can see." I laughed.
"This okay?" Jack asked.
"Go ahead." I smiled.
I watched as Jack started off into the crowd. I could see Alex above everyone else until she came to stop at a group. I saw Rian and Cassadee with Alex and his girlfriend who's name I can never remember and Zack with his girlfriend that I had yet to meet. They were crowding around Alex and smiling. She was being handed more money, lucky thing. Jack was passing it up to her. A smile tied my lips and I forced myself to look away before I died from all the cute. I don't do cute.
I looked around for people to talk to but everyone seemed pretty happy with who they were with. I spotted on old bar, much smaller than the one that was open tonight. It looked like the kind of place I would come to cry when I was pregnant. I went behind the bar and spotted the last person I wanted to see.
"Vic?" I asked.
"Hey Zee." he replied. He was sitting with his knees tucked up to his chest on the floor so no one could see him. I sat down and joined him.
"What you doing?" I asked carefully.
"Just getting away from the party." he explained.
"I saw Alex." I said.
"Yeah, she's missed you loads." Vic rushed.
"So." I said.
"So?" he urged.
"This is the kind of thing we'd come and do when I was pregnant." I couldn't help but say.
"Everything was easier and less fucked back then." Vic replied.
"It was fucked. It's just that different stuff was fucked."
"Your hormones were fucked." he reminded me.
"Now you're the one with the fucked hormones." I joked.
"I don't have hormones, I'm a man!"
"And a very manley one you must be to be sitting on the floor hiding at a party." I shot at him.
"I'm not hiding." he argued.
"Hmm sure you're not." I rolled my eyes.
"Zee, you know I never meant to hurt you," Vic suddenly said. "I want to be friends."
I sat for a while. What did I even want? I peeked out and saw Jack was now dancing with Alex on the dance floor. "I want to be friends too." I eventually told him.
"Why don't you hate me? You should." Vic said.
"Do you want me to hate you?" I asked seriously.
"No." Vic muttered.
"I hate what you've done, but I don't hate you," I explained. "Do you really want me to stop loving you?" I asked.
"No." Vic shook his head. I smiled gently and kissed his cheek. I saw him smile back. But I pulled away. No passion or making out. Just a simple kiss. Vic took my hand and I rested my head on his shoulder.
"What's going on?" we heard from above us. Not again. I looked up and saw Polly glaring at us both.
"Nothing." Vic rushed.
"Really nothing." I added.
"We're going home." Polly muttered and walked away. Vic looked down and sighed. He buried his hands deep inside his pockets and walked out from the bar. He took my hand one last time and squeezed before me walked away looking more mopey that a moping moper machine on moper pills.

Notes

Hey! What did you think? Favourite line? Mama Ashby has cancer :( will she be okay? I want to add that Alan Ashby's mother doesn't really to my knowledge, fiction remember! Who likes Jack? Everyone is starting to lay off Polly now and go for Vic. Who do you hate most? :)