One Hundred And One Sleepless Nights

I'd give anything to hear the verdict and for it to end. But of course it doesn't. Mr Hanley stands up resembling the devil or you know something just as terrifying like that time I went to Warped and Blood On The Dancefloor tried to hook up with me. All of them.
“You described Alexandria as happy. That's right?” he asked me.
"Yeah." I said easily.
"Would your daughter prefer her parents to be together?"
"Obviously," I frowned. "But Victor is engaged."
"And are you seeing anyone romantically?" he asked, rather bluntly.
"No." I snapped.
"Have you had any relationships since Alexandria's birth?"
"Just Victor."
"Why didn't that work out?
"Victor cheated on me while I was at home and he was touring. And he-"
"Yes?" Mr Hanley urged.
"He wanted to get married?"
"To you?"
I feel like saying, to who fucking else. "Yes me." I sighed.
"So the break up was partly your doing?"
"I suppose." I try not to roll my eyes.
"And that's the only person you've even involved with?"
"Yes it is." I folded my arms across my chest annoyed.
"What about New Years?" he asked innocently. Oh, Vic you complete asshole.
"That was a mistake." I said thickly.
"What happened that night?" Mr Hanley asked.
"I went to a night club. I was drunk. I went home with someone." I tried to sound casual.
"Do you go to nightclubs and get drunk often?"
"No it was a one time thing."
"What was the man's name?"
"Jack!" I finally got out. Don't ask for his last name. Don't ask for his last name.
"Jack who?"
"Jack Barakat!" I exclaimed. Wow, real smooth. There was shock going through the room. I'd admitted it. Vic was glaring at me.
"Did you tell your daughter about this?"
"No, who tells their children about their sex life?" I laughed sarcastically.
"So you regularly keep things from her." Mr Hanley nodded.
"No, I don't!" I argued.
"Are you still in contact with Mr Barakat?"
"Yes." I swallowed hard.
"Why haven't you introduced Alexandria to him?"
"He's just a friend, nothing more. I'm not going to introduce people into her life the second I meet them." I spat.
"But you're keeping things from her. I wouldn't call that happy, more ignorant." Mr Hanley said.
"I-" I tried but I couldn't get my words out. I didn't have any. I felt like crying. I loathe this man. I hate him more than I hate Princess Sophie. I know who her perfect match is.
“Miss Knight, it seems like you don't care enough for your daughter to meet the important people in your life. It almost seems selfish the amount of things you hide from her to keep her blissfully ignorant. While Mr Fuentes can offer a home both stable in means of finance but also when it comes to parental figures. Polly Amsel may not be married to Victor Fuentes yet but she is definitely going to be in the future and is already a huge part of Alexandria's life. You are offering a web of lies which will only grow over time as your daughter slowly grows more and more inquisitive. There needs to be change. Alexandria needs stability and honesty, not to be passed around family friends so her mother can masquerade off to night clubs and gentlemen's houses. I think I am not alone in thinking that the wise move would be to provide Alexandria with the constant love, affection and security of two loving people who are ready to raise a child together. Thank you everyone." Mr Hanley finished.
I can't breathe as I go to sit back down. I can't speak. I want to throw up. I want to pass out. I can't take all this in. I know it's over, God I know it.
“Having taken into consideration the facts that have been brought to our attention," the man at the front of the room told us. "It has been decided throughout this hearing after looking at notes we have taken that Alexandria Zandra Fuentes will be taken out of the custody of Zandra Knight and for the next two months sole custody will be awarded to Mr Victor Fuentes for a trial period only. After this time is up it will be reassessed through the means of another hearing." he said. Sole custody. They said sole. No. Please don't do this. Forget throw up, I want to break down. I want everything gone. "Miss Zandra Knight is entitled to visits with the permission of Mr Fuentes. Alexandria will live with Mr Fuentes and Miss Amsel. All appropiate parties will be called to the hearing. For now, hearing adjourned!"
That's when I broke. My head hit off of the desk and sobs wracked my chest. I can't put into words how it feels to lose your child. It is such a childlike pain, ironically. Like losing your parent at the supermarket. First you feel confident, you're okay. Then you realise what's happening and you panic, the panic is hot and thick and it's forcing it's way up your throat. Next is the sadness. I've never felt such sadness. I finally understand why people shoot up and smoke and cut and starve and fuck. They say there's no pain like losing a child. But what if the child is dying, what if they're being handed over to someone. To someone who disgusts you and you hate in the most purest form right now.
“We didn’t lose, Zandra," Richard told me as he rubbed my back soothingly. “They’re just going to see how Alex does living with Victor. It's short term. While they have her we can get working on material for next time."
"It's my fault!" I screamed. "You should have done it! I should have let you!" I cried hysterically.
"No," he shook his head. "I will get her back to you." he said firmly.
"Zee," Kate said. I turned around and flung my arms around her. I cried into her chest and she stroked my back. "It'll be okay. Shhh..." she soothed.
"Zandra," I heard behind me. I pulled away and wiped my eyes. Vic was standing in front of me. "I'm sorry." he told me.
I looked him up and down and then to Polly. I glared and shook my head. "Fuck you." I snarled.
"Please." he sighed and tried to place a hand on my shoulder.
"Leave me alone!" I pushed him away. "You have her now! Go be happy! Congratu-fucking-lations!" I hissed.

Notes

Hey! What have I done?! What did you think? The response for the last chapter was incredible! I love you guys so much! What will happen next? What do you want to happen? Tell me your favourite quote from this chapter! :)