Amazing.

I slowly wake up to the sound of the wind outside of my home. I looked at my bedside clock: 2:00AM

Regretting to have woken up, I got up anyway.

it's been two weeks sense that dinner and nothing has been right between Darren and I.

I don't know what I should do. He's just been shutting me out and he won't let me help him and it just hurts so much. I just feel so useless.

as I finished stretching I stood up and walked out onto my balcony. I leaned into the cool autumn breeze and it struck me again. How can you live without the one thing you love? How can you live every day without knowing if they're okay?

All of it got to me and I fell to my knees. I cried so hard.

I sat there on that balcony the rest of the morning. I watched the sun come up in shades of red orange and yellow. It was so beautiful. But no beauty would ever amount to him. He is the most Amazing person that I have ever met. He is my life.

my alarm went off snapping me out of my thoughts.
I arose and headed towards my closet to seek out the outfit for today. I would really rather end it all but it's just not that simple.

There's a part of me that would end it all now. And then the other part is telling me that if I did it now then I would be letting him down. And my past has taught me to never let people down. It could mean the worse.

As I pulled my sweatshirt on I heard a knock on my door. Though I know it's not him, every time someone knocks on the door, calls or texts me, I just pray that it's him. I need it to be him.

my mom walks in and sits on my bed.
"so sense your dad and I are going out what do you plan on doing?" She asked filing her nails.

Sometimes I feel that I was never really the girly girl that my mother always wanted me to be.

"umm maybe I'll go to the mall and then like watch a movie with some friends or something"
I said mostly lying.

"oh, well that sounds cool. Will Darren be with you?"
She asked looking up from her nails.

"actually I'm not sure, we haven't spoken in awhile"
I said trying to drop the subject.
my mom took a hint and didn't ask anything else.

after shuffling around on the bed awhile she finally stood up.

"well then I guess I'll leave you to it"
She walked up to me and kissed my forehead.
"we'll be in somewhere around midnight. I trust you can be back at a reasonable time?"

"oh yeah, of course. No problem" I said walking around my room.

"ok sweetheart, I'll see you later. I love you"
She said heading towards the door.

"me too"
I said basically lost in thoughts.

Notes

Hey I'm so so so so so so so sorry it took this long. I feel like such a failure to you guys. I really hope you still like this story.