My entire world came crashing down as soon as I explained my story of infidelity to Steven. I could immediately hear the hurt in his voice, the breaking of his heart. He was silent for a long time, and it felt like I had ruined the greatest thing that could have happened to me. I ruined something incredibly real and incredibly loving because of a moment of weakness. I wasn’t even angry at Mike because it wasn’t his fault, he was fucking right. I was terrified of what the future held; and my only way to deal with it was to make it come tumbling down. And I regretted every second of it. Steven could never forgive me. I could never forgive me.

Weeks had passed and no word from Steven since I told him. When I told Nicole and Cam, they were beyond disappointed with me and even they had kept their distance a little bit; but were still there for me, of course. Mike blocked me on all social media and he blocked my number. My dad got word and all he could do was give me a look of sadness. I had let everybody down. I didn’t think that one action could cause so many reactions and ruin just about everything.

My time in LA was running short and I had packed all of my things in Los Angeles, slowing shipping them off to New York a little at a time. At first, they were supposed to go to Steven’s apartment— where we would begin our life together, but now they were going to my family’s apartment; where Nicole, Cam, and I would share a two-bedroom together. It all broke my heart. I wish I could redo everything, start over. But, life doesn’t work that way.

I decided to take a break from the madness of my life and take a lone walk down Melrose Avenue; one of my last times being here as a resident. I window shopped, got some coffee, and found myself enjoying the people of California and realizing how special we are. I was alone for the first time in a really, really long time. And, it was strange. But, it wasn’t so bad. It was scary, though. And, I’m not so good when it comes to being scared— its flight or fight; and I’m notorious for fleeing.

“Bonnie? Is that you?” A soft voice came from behind me. I turned around to face the ivory-toned woman, who had dark black hair coming just below her chin. She wasn’t wearing a lot of makeup; light pink cheeks, and neutral eyemakup and some mascara. She was gorgeous, and she had a small smile on her pink-glossed lips.

I nodded, “Sophia!” I gave the Nasty Gal founder and CEO a hug; remembering when just a year ago, I was styling her photoshoot.

She returned the hug and smiled at me, “How are you doing?” We began talking as we walked to a nearby coffee spot, us diving into the many aspects of our lives. She was awe-inspiring and a key role model in my life. She came from nothing and made it something. I always wanted to make the kind of mark. I told her all about Vogue and how moving to New York was terrifying for me and for everyone else in my life. At that, she asked me a question that I never forgot; one that took me a long time to answer. “Let me ask you this: Bonnie, when was the last time you made a decision for yourself— one where you didn’t think of how it was going to affect others and what others would say to it?”

I chewed on my lips, thoroughly scanning through all of my biggest decisions over the last year in particular, not being able to find an answer to the question; a rather simple question at that. I shook my head, “I can’t remember, honestly.”

“That’s what you need to do. Forget Nicole, forget your family, forget Steven. What does moving to New York mean to you? What does it mean to Bonnie?” The look in her moon-sized hazel eyes was genuine, she could sense my frustration, she could sense my aching heart.

I took a deep breath, my eyes watering a bit. “It means doing something that I’ve always dreamed of. It means being hands on in the world and the market that changed my life; fashion. It means being on my own for once, something I’ve never had to do before. It means loving myself and my dreams again. It means changing the business, making my mark. That’s what it means…that’s what it means to me.”

She smiled, rubbing my shoulder with her hand. “Then go to New York, and change the fucking business, baby. You’ve got what it takes and if nobody sees that in you— tell them Sophia Amoruso does. Tell them she sees that spark. That’s enough to keep you going.”

After our two-hour long conversation, I left feeling inspired. Her words alone revived me and I needed that. I’ve been needing that. I went home to my apartment, ordered Chinese takeout and poured myself a cup of wine. I showered and did a face mask and painted my toes and nails, even did a lip scrub. I was revamping; getting back to Bonnie. And, all of that meant something to me, something special.

---

After some days had passed, I had worn a more genuine smile around town and it was noticeable. Lora said I was glowing; I mentioned it was probably the new mask I had been doing once a week. I’d also been exfoliating with a new face wash. It was all going hand in hand together it seemed. Nicole even noticed, and she said I looked like I was on a mission; and truth is, I was.

I found myself on my daily walk on Melrose Avenue, really looking into this beautiful vintage Chanel bag that’d been calling my name for weeks now. Nothing more than a retail therapy, but I had to just keep dreaming; New York rent wasn’t just going to pay itself. Maybe I’d been gawking for too long because soon, someone was standing beside me, hands in their pockets.

“Wow. She’s beautiful, ain’t she?” They said, and I turned to my left, revealing the body of Mr. Steven Bohn; in the flesh. I must’ve gasped his name or something, as if he were a ghost, making him smile half-heartedly. It kinda felt like he had since he was ignoring me; but it was all within reason, of course. “Hey, Bonnie.” He said, his sights resting on my facial features, taking it all in. I had lightened my hair since the last time we saw one another; I was going for a magenta pink in the coming weeks before Vogue.

“Hey.” Soft-spoken were the words that came out of me, trying not to seem weak but at the same time, feeling like I could cry on the spot.

He gestured his head to walk with him and I did so, my bag on my arm and the iced coffee in my hand. I was looking down at my all-white Converse and the distressed blue jeans that were folded a couple of times to show my ankles, suddenly feeling like I should have followed my gut and dressed a little better today; but then thinking back to what Sophia told me and realizing that I made that decision for myself; and that’s all that mattered.

“How’ve you been?” He asked, looking over at me as we walked down Melrose and window-shopped.

I adjusted my sunglasses that were sitting on my nose and continued to looked ahead, “I’ve been okay. Not totally great, but, you know. And, you?”

He chuckled lightly, “The same. I’ve been trying to keep myself busy these last weeks, working a lot of hours, let out my frustrations in the gym…” When he said that, I smiled softly. I noticed immediately that he was looking bigger on the arms, and the buffness was looking great on him, I must say. “But, I decided to come down here for a week or so, work in the office with your dad.”

I nodded, stopping suddenly and looking at him, “You look great, Steven.”

“Thank you.” He looked at me, hurt apparent in his eyes, all because of me. Hurt in the same way just like I did it three years ago, but obviously in the worst way possible; cheating.

“Steven, I know this isn’t going to mean much, it probably won’t mean anything, but I’m so sorry. I really am. Nothing in the world will ever mask what I did, and I’m not going to forget that. I’m sorry.” A frown escaped the smile I’d been wearing, finally getting to say what I wanted to say since I told him. “I never wanted to hurt you. I don’t even know what I was thinking. I can’t blame it on anybody or anything else but myself. I love you, though. I love you so much, always and forever; nothing will change that.”

His eyes watered as he looked at me and he nodded, smiling softly as he wiped his eyes. “I know.” He was about to speak again but his phone rang, and he looked at the caller ID, sighed then answered it, clearing his throat before speaking to the person on the other line. “Hey Boss— yes, the client said that when they relocate to Manhattan. Mhmm, all is good. Alright, I’ll see you in a bit. Bye.” He hung up and looked at his phone for a second, me noticing that the lock screen was still a photo of he and I. My heart ached deeply. “I gotta go, there’s some big meeting today. It was nice seeing you, Bonnie.” He said sadly.

“It was nice seeing you too, Steven.” I said, whimpering on the inside to see him walk away. He turned around, waving off and walking in the other direction to my dad’s office. I just stood there, in the middle of the sidewalk, and watched him go. Unsure of what the future held for us, if there even was one.

---

That Saturday, after a day out on the town getting some last minute essentials for New York, I had went home and decided to admire my newly magenta-colored hair. It was curled and beautiful and I was feeling really good about myself today. I had only two more boxes of things to send off to New York and the next shipment would be myself and my luggage next week. My furniture was going with me and I was officially selling this apartment; all the memories staying here in Los Angeles. Even though I was sad about it, there were new memories to be made in New York, and that was awe-inspiring; that was my light at the end of the tunnel, the so-called ‘spark’ that Sophia mentioned.

I had ordered a pepperoni pizza and had bought some beers for myself and had a nice date with Netflix watching Friends, when there was knocking on my door. I got up from the loveseat couch that was staying here in LA, but going to my mother’s house, and walked over to the door. And there he was, in all of his glory, Steven. He leaned on the doorway and studied me, smiling softly. “You know, all week I’ve had your father in my ear telling me how upset he is with you…” He walked inside, passing me by as I shut the door.

“Is that so?” I rolled my eyes, knowing very well that my dad was incredibly hurt by my scandalous actions and was not wasting any time in telling me he disapproved. Like I’ve always said, he loves Steven just a teensy bit more than he loves me, but I had accepted that ages ago.

He nodded, “Yeah. I kept telling him that I didn’t want to talk about it, but he insisted that we dissect every moment of our relationship, starting with when we first met. I just about wanted to scream.” He chuckled a little looking at me dressed in a black chunky cardigan, gray sleeping shorts, and a black lounge shirt. “How do you put up with him?”

I shrugged, laughing softly. “He’s a Perez. I am him. So, of course I can put up with him.”
“That’s what I was saying. I told him that you are definitely his daughter— and he was a little confused by that. I told him that you were the most complicated person on the fucking planet, one that drove me absolutely insane and has more than anybody over the years; but I am what I am because of you. I always strived harder, because I wanted to be better for you. I wanted to be good enough.”

I stayed silent as he spoke, watching the movement of his lips and the honestly spewing from his voice box, but I kept quiet. I was going to let him speak for once. I was going to let him get his thoughts off of his chest; and the fact that my father was breathing down his neck about me the last week, I owed him that at least. After all, it was my fault and unfortunately; that was my father and his boss.

“And, after all of this, I don’t know if I ever will be, Bonnie.” His eyes began to water again, his voice getting quieter as he looked on at me. “For the last year, Mike’s always gotten in the way. I kept thinking that he would go away eventually and leave you alone, and let us live. And he wouldn’t. So, I underestimated him. When I first saw him, I thought there was no way he was good enough for you, but maybe he was because he meant a lot to you, he still does.” Tears swam down my face as he spoke, watching his vulnerability escape his body, and it killed me. “I have to ask you this one question, and the answer will be be the deciding factor on if I move on from you, or if I stay and fight.”

He stepped closer to me and took ahold of my hands, “Bonnie, it’s either Mike or me. If it’s me, that’s wonderful, but if it’s him, that’s fine, too. But I got to know— who do you want?”

Notes

And, the saga continues....

What did y'all think of this update? Everything is a little bit all over the place for our girl, Bonnie, but she seems inspired to get the spark going. She seems to be motivated after her entire world has fallen apart. Do you think it's going to last? How about the big question that Steven asked? Will she choose Steven, Mike, or surprise everyone and choose something else-- even more so, choose herself? We shall find out on the next installment of Something Else...

"When you've lost it all, that's when you finally realize that life is beautiful." - Nikki Sixx

Thanks for reading. :)

XO,
Amber