Something Else
There's A Class For This
"I’m just mad because I’m still the same Mike. The same lowball, never going to be good enough Mike. And that’s fine because you’re happy Bonnie. You’re the happiest I’ve ever seen you and I could never, ever, ever, get in the way of that. But I do want you in my life, I want to be your friend. What do you say?”
There he was, sitting in front of me, doe-eyed and honest. He’s said all of this before; he’s given me this story. Why was this the first time I was listening? I wasn’t sure, but I couldn’t help myself from staring deep into his dark brown pools and letting his words sink into me. Every other time he shot this spiel my way, I was around others and Steven was nearby. This was the first time he said it to me and we were alone.
Once he was done, he sat there across from me, silent but knowing that I was taking it all in. He cleared his throat and took my hand from across the table; the roughness of his calloused hands caused by years of drumming, rubbing mine gently. The touch gutted me deeply. I knew that Mike loved me still; there was no explanation for it, though. Why me? Why now? I kept asking myself that question but to no avail. I hated that.
We came from two different worlds; worlds that never mixed. It was fire and gasoline, water and oil; it wasn’t meant to be. Everything happens for a reason, and that’s always what I told myself. There was reason Mike and I met. There was a reason we fell hard and fell fast. There was a reason Steven and I would become friends again. There was a reason that my mind was confused that fateful day of 12/14. There was a reason that Mike and I broke up, and that Steven and I got back together. It all meant something.
I just never found out what exactly.
After many moments of silence, I nodded. “Friends.”
———————
Later that night, I found myself standing outside of a door that I hadn’t been at in a long while. My stomach was in knots and I wasn’t exactly sure what I was doing. My courage to knock on the door was dwindling down as the seconds passed, but I had to do this. I had to figure out why I had grown feelings for him in the first place. I had to find out if they were still there before my life changed forever. I had to find out if I’d been lying to myself.
I gave the wooden door three rapid knocks, waiting a moment before it opened up revealing the stature of the lowball drummer that fell in love with me, shock apparent on his facial expression. “B-Bonnie? What are you doing here?” He opened the door more, letting me inside and I glanced around. Last I heard, he lived by himself now. He had everything nice and tidy, save for a couple of clothing items tossed on the ground. In the living room, Mike had multiple picture frames that held gorgeous photos of him and his blonde girlfriend, Alysha. They seemed to compliment each other very well; all punked out and full of life. I liked that.
“I needed to talk to you about something.” I turned on my heel to face him but truth was, he was facing me. He had stepped closed and now we were almost nose to nose. On the inside, I was shaking. I gulped silently, internally trying to steady my breathing. “Why did you fall in love with me?”
“Because,” He began, moving fallen hair behind my ear and tracing my lips with his eyes, before looking back at me. “You’ve always been different.” He lowered himself and took hold of my chin, kissing me gently. It was the first time we’d kissed since December of last year. It was earth-shattering. I told myself I was going to resist. Turns out, I’m not as strong as I thought I was.
I caved. I let him kiss me and touch me and weaken me. I let his tongue wrestle with mine and I let him take me to his bedroom. He let me take off his shirt, and I let him take off mine. We let each other take advantage of the haziness of our lives on each other. And the truth was, nobody won. The only one that won was guilt. And, it was dripping off of me.
Afterward, I sat on his bed, trying to puzzle together what the hell had just happened. I was in my bra and had my shirt in my hands. Mike had slowly crept up behind me; his lips tracing my shoulder blade and neck with his lips. A moment later, the ringtone of his phone blared loudly, causing the both of us to jump up in fright. He moved away from me and groaned, answering it and greeting the other person on the line with, “Hey baby.” And that was it for me. I put on my shirt and skirt before grabbing my shoes and walking out of his tainted bedroom.
I was feeling physically sick. Not once in my life had I ever cheated on somebody and here I was, cheating on Steven. He had done nothing but love me and give up everything on my behalf and I repaid him by sleeping with my ex-boyfriend. I wasn’t even sure what had gotten into me today. How the fuck was I going to tell Steven? My heart broke as the seconds passed. “Where are you going?” Mike’s voice boomed from his room and it inched toward me.
I found my purse and dug inside of it for my keys, anxiety hitting me like a freight train. “I-I gotta go. This was a mistake. Literally, this was the stupidest thing I’ve ever done. I got to go.” I said hurriedly, walking out of his house and fast-walking to my car. I heard his footsteps following me and I heard him calling my name. His long tattooed arm pulled me back and twirled me into him.
“Why?”
“Mike, no. This wasn’t supposed to happen.”
Immediately, he got mad. It was almost a little scary how upset he’d gotten. “Then why the fuck did you come out here, Bonnie? You drove two hours down here for what— to not talk to me? To not be with me? To not make love to me?”
I got defensive. I couldn’t believe he threw around those words! “Make love?! Are you serious? That wasn’t making love and you fucking know it. That was two extremely fucked up people who just cheated on two people that love them! That was sex, Mike. That was sex.”
He rolled his eyes. “I don’t fucking care about them. I care about us and I care about you. I’m really tired of these back and forth bullshit moment you give me.” He let go of my arm and was breathing heavier as he got angrier. “I’m over this shit, Bonnie. I’m over all the drama that you crave for in your life. You know what this was about? You did this because you’re scared. You’re scared of moving on with your life; leaving California, leaving the comforts of your stupid apartment, leaving your dad’s security. You’re scared of moving on with Steven so you just use me; like you always do. Stop being a little bitch and face reality. Grow up, Bonnie. I’m fucking over your shit, and I’m fucking over you.” He spat out before turning away and walking back inside his house; slamming the door.
I stood outside my car, tears rolling down my cheeks. I blinked hard before getting inside and sitting there for a second; not knowing what to do next. I wasn’t too sure where to go. The only thing that seemed clear to me was that I was a complete asshole and a cheater. I turned on my car and drove off, hoping to leave this here in San Diego; but I couldn’t do that. I couldn’t just accept what I had done and not say anything. I wasn’t like Mike in that sense; I cared too much.
I grabbed my number and dialed the number of the only person I could talk too about this. It rang once, and it rang again only for it to pick up and a cheery voice on the other end greeted me.
"Steven, I have to tell you something."
There he was, sitting in front of me, doe-eyed and honest. He’s said all of this before; he’s given me this story. Why was this the first time I was listening? I wasn’t sure, but I couldn’t help myself from staring deep into his dark brown pools and letting his words sink into me. Every other time he shot this spiel my way, I was around others and Steven was nearby. This was the first time he said it to me and we were alone.
Once he was done, he sat there across from me, silent but knowing that I was taking it all in. He cleared his throat and took my hand from across the table; the roughness of his calloused hands caused by years of drumming, rubbing mine gently. The touch gutted me deeply. I knew that Mike loved me still; there was no explanation for it, though. Why me? Why now? I kept asking myself that question but to no avail. I hated that.
We came from two different worlds; worlds that never mixed. It was fire and gasoline, water and oil; it wasn’t meant to be. Everything happens for a reason, and that’s always what I told myself. There was reason Mike and I met. There was a reason we fell hard and fell fast. There was a reason Steven and I would become friends again. There was a reason that my mind was confused that fateful day of 12/14. There was a reason that Mike and I broke up, and that Steven and I got back together. It all meant something.
I just never found out what exactly.
After many moments of silence, I nodded. “Friends.”
———————
Later that night, I found myself standing outside of a door that I hadn’t been at in a long while. My stomach was in knots and I wasn’t exactly sure what I was doing. My courage to knock on the door was dwindling down as the seconds passed, but I had to do this. I had to figure out why I had grown feelings for him in the first place. I had to find out if they were still there before my life changed forever. I had to find out if I’d been lying to myself.
I gave the wooden door three rapid knocks, waiting a moment before it opened up revealing the stature of the lowball drummer that fell in love with me, shock apparent on his facial expression. “B-Bonnie? What are you doing here?” He opened the door more, letting me inside and I glanced around. Last I heard, he lived by himself now. He had everything nice and tidy, save for a couple of clothing items tossed on the ground. In the living room, Mike had multiple picture frames that held gorgeous photos of him and his blonde girlfriend, Alysha. They seemed to compliment each other very well; all punked out and full of life. I liked that.
“I needed to talk to you about something.” I turned on my heel to face him but truth was, he was facing me. He had stepped closed and now we were almost nose to nose. On the inside, I was shaking. I gulped silently, internally trying to steady my breathing. “Why did you fall in love with me?”
“Because,” He began, moving fallen hair behind my ear and tracing my lips with his eyes, before looking back at me. “You’ve always been different.” He lowered himself and took hold of my chin, kissing me gently. It was the first time we’d kissed since December of last year. It was earth-shattering. I told myself I was going to resist. Turns out, I’m not as strong as I thought I was.
I caved. I let him kiss me and touch me and weaken me. I let his tongue wrestle with mine and I let him take me to his bedroom. He let me take off his shirt, and I let him take off mine. We let each other take advantage of the haziness of our lives on each other. And the truth was, nobody won. The only one that won was guilt. And, it was dripping off of me.
Afterward, I sat on his bed, trying to puzzle together what the hell had just happened. I was in my bra and had my shirt in my hands. Mike had slowly crept up behind me; his lips tracing my shoulder blade and neck with his lips. A moment later, the ringtone of his phone blared loudly, causing the both of us to jump up in fright. He moved away from me and groaned, answering it and greeting the other person on the line with, “Hey baby.” And that was it for me. I put on my shirt and skirt before grabbing my shoes and walking out of his tainted bedroom.
I was feeling physically sick. Not once in my life had I ever cheated on somebody and here I was, cheating on Steven. He had done nothing but love me and give up everything on my behalf and I repaid him by sleeping with my ex-boyfriend. I wasn’t even sure what had gotten into me today. How the fuck was I going to tell Steven? My heart broke as the seconds passed. “Where are you going?” Mike’s voice boomed from his room and it inched toward me.
I found my purse and dug inside of it for my keys, anxiety hitting me like a freight train. “I-I gotta go. This was a mistake. Literally, this was the stupidest thing I’ve ever done. I got to go.” I said hurriedly, walking out of his house and fast-walking to my car. I heard his footsteps following me and I heard him calling my name. His long tattooed arm pulled me back and twirled me into him.
“Why?”
“Mike, no. This wasn’t supposed to happen.”
Immediately, he got mad. It was almost a little scary how upset he’d gotten. “Then why the fuck did you come out here, Bonnie? You drove two hours down here for what— to not talk to me? To not be with me? To not make love to me?”
I got defensive. I couldn’t believe he threw around those words! “Make love?! Are you serious? That wasn’t making love and you fucking know it. That was two extremely fucked up people who just cheated on two people that love them! That was sex, Mike. That was sex.”
He rolled his eyes. “I don’t fucking care about them. I care about us and I care about you. I’m really tired of these back and forth bullshit moment you give me.” He let go of my arm and was breathing heavier as he got angrier. “I’m over this shit, Bonnie. I’m over all the drama that you crave for in your life. You know what this was about? You did this because you’re scared. You’re scared of moving on with your life; leaving California, leaving the comforts of your stupid apartment, leaving your dad’s security. You’re scared of moving on with Steven so you just use me; like you always do. Stop being a little bitch and face reality. Grow up, Bonnie. I’m fucking over your shit, and I’m fucking over you.” He spat out before turning away and walking back inside his house; slamming the door.
I stood outside my car, tears rolling down my cheeks. I blinked hard before getting inside and sitting there for a second; not knowing what to do next. I wasn’t too sure where to go. The only thing that seemed clear to me was that I was a complete asshole and a cheater. I turned on my car and drove off, hoping to leave this here in San Diego; but I couldn’t do that. I couldn’t just accept what I had done and not say anything. I wasn’t like Mike in that sense; I cared too much.
I grabbed my number and dialed the number of the only person I could talk too about this. It rang once, and it rang again only for it to pick up and a cheery voice on the other end greeted me.
"Steven, I have to tell you something."
Notes
A short baby.
What do you think? Anything could happen at this point.
XO,
Amber
@rebel_girl: I hope you enjoyed it :)
12/9/16