Hold on till may*On hold*
Let the truth pour out
Jazlyn**
I was laying in a uncomfortable bed listening to the steady beep, and that's when I realized that I was in the hospital, that my Uncle didn't kill me....and then I felt something grab my hand sliding his/her thumb across my knuckles then I realized that it was Vic I listened closely to what he had to say.... "Jaz..I... I don't know why I never told you thins before but... I... I love you, and letting you go back was probably the most stupid thing I could have ever done, I'm so sorry this happened to you, I feel like its my fault, If you die I don't know what I would do..... when I saw you out side lat night in the bitter cold it... it broke my heart, I just.... god... please... don't... die..." at that moment I wanted to jump up and give him the worlds biggest hug but I couldn't move I was frozen but I love him to I don't want him thinking I don't, I heard a sniff "I have to go, stay strong" What no he cant leave, I don't know if it was on impulse or my hand had a spasm but it gripped on to Vic's, he squeezed and turned to face me again "c'mon Jaz open your eye's and we can go home" he whispered to me, I slowly started to open my eye's to see a crying Vic beside my bed with blood shot eye's "Jazlyn... Oh god your okay" he said relived "Vic.?" I asked sitting up quickly only for a shoot of pain to run through me causing me to tense up "Jaz you need to take it slow you got stitches" he said coming over and helping me back slowly then pressed the call button and with in two minutes a old nurse came in with curly grey hair and a wrinkled prune face "Hi sweetie do you remember what happened?" she asked kindly, I thought for a moment, and then I remembered, coming home in the morning getting a beer bottle smashed to my face, the mirror slicing me, Vic running in and telling me to hold on, and then I though I died, I didn't even realize it but I was having a panic attack because the nurse was trying to calm me down and Vic was rubbing my back "Jaz you need to calm down or your going to pass out" Vic whispered in my ear I took deep shaky breaths "that's it you're doing great, deep breaths" he said while he continued rubbing my back. After I calmed down Vic singed my release papers then went to gather my things from my house, I'm moving in with Vic.... I just hope my uncle don't kill me.
As we pulled up to the house I saw that my uncle was home.... Shit.... We climbed up through the window that leads to my room and started to pack my things, I was packing my bathroom for.... Certain reasons... As I was packing I came across my suicide letter I wrote 2 months ago
Dear who ever the fuck cares enough to read this: hey yeh well, I have no use to be on this planet anymore no one wants me hear, my beat friend left me and don't bother to text... but if he does end up reading this... well Vic... I don't know what to say besides... I... I love you when you left I couldn't take it I stayed strong for you after you left I turned to self harm, and I know I know it was stupid because of your past and I feel so selfish for doing this to you, adding this stress to your life, you have a band, and theirs another reason for me to do this, I fuck shit up and ruin peoples lives... Once again I... Love... You.... And to my.... Uncle? I guess I could call you that even though you aren't much of one you beat me and rape me so yeh I take the ''uncle'' part back Your one of the reasons I'm doing this, that and the bitches at school so yeh I guess you wont have your sex toy so yeh bye... Andy to Mum and Dad I will be with you soon I know you never approved of this and you would be very disappointed in me but that's what I am a disappointment, please If any one finds this don't look for me I'll be in this apt I rent out once a month it's on Jefferson apt 6 that's where I will die, so once again Uncle I hate you Vic I love you...
I started to cry as Vic walked in and he rushed right over, "hey Jaz whats wrong, look at me what happened?" I just shook my head "just a letter I read.." I replied flatly.. "well can I read it?" he asked furrowing his brows I shook my head "you'll see soon enough" I replied grabbing my bag and heading out my bathroom door, Just then I hear wood crack and there stood my pissed off drunk uncle "oh shit" I breathed out under my breath "YOU LITTLE BITCH WHAT DO YOU THINK YOU'RE DOING RUNNING AWAY FROM ME?!?" he asked angerly just then I felt a blow to my cheek and then pressure around my neck "g-get o-off -m-me" I choked, I was slipping further into darkness until he was ripped off me falling into the dresser and landing on the floor unconscious I was then lifted off the floor and carried out the door to Vic's car, I was gently placed in the front seat and the bags were thrown behind me, I heard the door beside me open and then close I felt a hand on my knee and heard Vic's soft voice "it's okay I'm getting you away from him, you're safe now" and that's when I fell asleep.
I woke up in the same room as last time only this time everything that is mine was set up.... oh crap that means he went through my bathroom bag.... but wait I have a secret pocket where my razors are kept, I should be good.
I jumped down from the bed and exited the room double cheeking if I still had the note in my pocket... I might need that later, I stepped out not knowing where to go "Vic?" I called out "out hear" he called back "out where I'm lost... Help?" I called once again, and within 5 seconds he was standing at the corner of the hall way smiling at me with his gorgeous eye's "come on" he chuckled, I smiled like an idiot and followed him to the living room "so what movie do you want to watch tonight?" I though for a bit but apparently it was for too long because he already had the exorcist buffering already "Viiccc" I whined he gave me a questioning look "you know I hate scary movies" he just poked his tongue out at me "so do you want pizza tonight?" he asked I knew I would just throw it back up so why not "sure, bacon, pepperoni, sausage and double cheese" I grind, but my stomach was already churning.
We waited about half an hour and the pizza finally arrived and we dug in as Vic played the movie, I jumped a couple times and buried myself into Vic and he slightly laughed "I hope your laughing at the movie and not me" I exclaimed "I'm not laughing at you" he said with a serious face but I knew he was lying "you're lying" I said sitting up crossing my arms "I am not" he protested "Mhm okay" I said "I have to go to the bathroom" I said as I got up and headed to the bathroom, as soon as I got in there I hunched over the toilet and violently threw up all the pizza in my stomach, That's when I heard a knock at the door "Jaz are you okay?" Vic asked worried tone "ye-yeh" I mumbled and then the door opened and his face was in shock "Jaz... Tell me you don't" he said almost hurt "I-I can't cause I would be lying" I said softly... shit I didn't want him finding out... well that sucks.
"come on were going to talk about this" he said grabbing my hand and leading me to his bedroom, as soon as we get there he closes the door and turns to me "Jaz.. why?" he asked tears threatening to spill "because my life sucks, every one says I'm worthless" I say softly "no you're not" he told me "yes I am" he let out a loud sigh "DAMN IT JAZ WHY DO YOU SAY THIS SHIT?" he asked angerly "Because DO YOU KNOW WHAT IT'S LIKE TO FUCKING BE SHOT DOWN EVERY DAY OF YOUR LIFE TO HAVE PEOPLE CRITICIZE YOU ALL DAY AND LAUGH AT YOU, DO YOU GET CALLED FAT, DO YOU HAVE BI POLAR AND CANT CONTROL YOUR MOOD'S, I GO THROUGH THIS EVERY FUCKING DAY OF MY LIFE AND NO ONE KNOWS BUT NOW YOU DO SO JUST LAY OFF ME OKAY?" I screamed tears cascading down my cheeks "oh... Jaz I'm really sorry.. I I didn't know" he apologized "yeh there's allot you don't know about me" I said as I left the room.
Vic**
I felt so bad for the shit I said to her knowing that she's going through all that I saw tears rolling down her cheeks then she turned and left the room, as she walked out I saw... scars... no... not Jazlyn... she wouldn't do that, would she? I wanted to ask her but then I remembered how I was and that I was completely in-denial and that makes me want to help her more, I didn't want to believe that she was doing this to herself it killed me to know she was hurting that much to do this to her self.....
Jazlyn**
I ran to my room and locked myself in the bathroom,I took out my razor and began to make the fine little lines that seemed to take away all the pain.
1 for being a drama queen
2 for taking advantage of Vic
3 for being a fuck up
4 for yelling at Vic
5 for telling Vic why I purge
I felt woozy after all of that, I stumbled up and unlocked the door trying to find something to stop the bleeding then I heard talking... shitshitshitshit "hey Jaz can I talk to you?" he asked entering my room and then stopped dead in his tracks and then I felt really dizzy and fell but Vic ran and caught me he carried me to his bathroom and took out peroxide and cleaned me up, then bandaged my cuts kissing them better all this in silence.
After he was done he spoke "why didn't you come to me about this?" he asked hurt in his voice "because I didn't want to stress you out" I said quietly he looked up at me tears brimming his eye's "please, please if you ever feel like doing this to your self again come straight to me because I don't want to loose my best friend" he said giving me a hug, then carried me to his bed and curled up beside me... maybe life isn't so bad after all.
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I was laying in a uncomfortable bed listening to the steady beep, and that's when I realized that I was in the hospital, that my Uncle didn't kill me....and then I felt something grab my hand sliding his/her thumb across my knuckles then I realized that it was Vic I listened closely to what he had to say.... "Jaz..I... I don't know why I never told you thins before but... I... I love you, and letting you go back was probably the most stupid thing I could have ever done, I'm so sorry this happened to you, I feel like its my fault, If you die I don't know what I would do..... when I saw you out side lat night in the bitter cold it... it broke my heart, I just.... god... please... don't... die..." at that moment I wanted to jump up and give him the worlds biggest hug but I couldn't move I was frozen but I love him to I don't want him thinking I don't, I heard a sniff "I have to go, stay strong" What no he cant leave, I don't know if it was on impulse or my hand had a spasm but it gripped on to Vic's, he squeezed and turned to face me again "c'mon Jaz open your eye's and we can go home" he whispered to me, I slowly started to open my eye's to see a crying Vic beside my bed with blood shot eye's "Jazlyn... Oh god your okay" he said relived "Vic.?" I asked sitting up quickly only for a shoot of pain to run through me causing me to tense up "Jaz you need to take it slow you got stitches" he said coming over and helping me back slowly then pressed the call button and with in two minutes a old nurse came in with curly grey hair and a wrinkled prune face "Hi sweetie do you remember what happened?" she asked kindly, I thought for a moment, and then I remembered, coming home in the morning getting a beer bottle smashed to my face, the mirror slicing me, Vic running in and telling me to hold on, and then I though I died, I didn't even realize it but I was having a panic attack because the nurse was trying to calm me down and Vic was rubbing my back "Jaz you need to calm down or your going to pass out" Vic whispered in my ear I took deep shaky breaths "that's it you're doing great, deep breaths" he said while he continued rubbing my back. After I calmed down Vic singed my release papers then went to gather my things from my house, I'm moving in with Vic.... I just hope my uncle don't kill me.
As we pulled up to the house I saw that my uncle was home.... Shit.... We climbed up through the window that leads to my room and started to pack my things, I was packing my bathroom for.... Certain reasons... As I was packing I came across my suicide letter I wrote 2 months ago
Dear who ever the fuck cares enough to read this: hey yeh well, I have no use to be on this planet anymore no one wants me hear, my beat friend left me and don't bother to text... but if he does end up reading this... well Vic... I don't know what to say besides... I... I love you when you left I couldn't take it I stayed strong for you after you left I turned to self harm, and I know I know it was stupid because of your past and I feel so selfish for doing this to you, adding this stress to your life, you have a band, and theirs another reason for me to do this, I fuck shit up and ruin peoples lives... Once again I... Love... You.... And to my.... Uncle? I guess I could call you that even though you aren't much of one you beat me and rape me so yeh I take the ''uncle'' part back Your one of the reasons I'm doing this, that and the bitches at school so yeh I guess you wont have your sex toy so yeh bye... Andy to Mum and Dad I will be with you soon I know you never approved of this and you would be very disappointed in me but that's what I am a disappointment, please If any one finds this don't look for me I'll be in this apt I rent out once a month it's on Jefferson apt 6 that's where I will die, so once again Uncle I hate you Vic I love you...
I started to cry as Vic walked in and he rushed right over, "hey Jaz whats wrong, look at me what happened?" I just shook my head "just a letter I read.." I replied flatly.. "well can I read it?" he asked furrowing his brows I shook my head "you'll see soon enough" I replied grabbing my bag and heading out my bathroom door, Just then I hear wood crack and there stood my pissed off drunk uncle "oh shit" I breathed out under my breath "YOU LITTLE BITCH WHAT DO YOU THINK YOU'RE DOING RUNNING AWAY FROM ME?!?" he asked angerly just then I felt a blow to my cheek and then pressure around my neck "g-get o-off -m-me" I choked, I was slipping further into darkness until he was ripped off me falling into the dresser and landing on the floor unconscious I was then lifted off the floor and carried out the door to Vic's car, I was gently placed in the front seat and the bags were thrown behind me, I heard the door beside me open and then close I felt a hand on my knee and heard Vic's soft voice "it's okay I'm getting you away from him, you're safe now" and that's when I fell asleep.
I woke up in the same room as last time only this time everything that is mine was set up.... oh crap that means he went through my bathroom bag.... but wait I have a secret pocket where my razors are kept, I should be good.
I jumped down from the bed and exited the room double cheeking if I still had the note in my pocket... I might need that later, I stepped out not knowing where to go "Vic?" I called out "out hear" he called back "out where I'm lost... Help?" I called once again, and within 5 seconds he was standing at the corner of the hall way smiling at me with his gorgeous eye's "come on" he chuckled, I smiled like an idiot and followed him to the living room "so what movie do you want to watch tonight?" I though for a bit but apparently it was for too long because he already had the exorcist buffering already "Viiccc" I whined he gave me a questioning look "you know I hate scary movies" he just poked his tongue out at me "so do you want pizza tonight?" he asked I knew I would just throw it back up so why not "sure, bacon, pepperoni, sausage and double cheese" I grind, but my stomach was already churning.
We waited about half an hour and the pizza finally arrived and we dug in as Vic played the movie, I jumped a couple times and buried myself into Vic and he slightly laughed "I hope your laughing at the movie and not me" I exclaimed "I'm not laughing at you" he said with a serious face but I knew he was lying "you're lying" I said sitting up crossing my arms "I am not" he protested "Mhm okay" I said "I have to go to the bathroom" I said as I got up and headed to the bathroom, as soon as I got in there I hunched over the toilet and violently threw up all the pizza in my stomach, That's when I heard a knock at the door "Jaz are you okay?" Vic asked worried tone "ye-yeh" I mumbled and then the door opened and his face was in shock "Jaz... Tell me you don't" he said almost hurt "I-I can't cause I would be lying" I said softly... shit I didn't want him finding out... well that sucks.
"come on were going to talk about this" he said grabbing my hand and leading me to his bedroom, as soon as we get there he closes the door and turns to me "Jaz.. why?" he asked tears threatening to spill "because my life sucks, every one says I'm worthless" I say softly "no you're not" he told me "yes I am" he let out a loud sigh "DAMN IT JAZ WHY DO YOU SAY THIS SHIT?" he asked angerly "Because DO YOU KNOW WHAT IT'S LIKE TO FUCKING BE SHOT DOWN EVERY DAY OF YOUR LIFE TO HAVE PEOPLE CRITICIZE YOU ALL DAY AND LAUGH AT YOU, DO YOU GET CALLED FAT, DO YOU HAVE BI POLAR AND CANT CONTROL YOUR MOOD'S, I GO THROUGH THIS EVERY FUCKING DAY OF MY LIFE AND NO ONE KNOWS BUT NOW YOU DO SO JUST LAY OFF ME OKAY?" I screamed tears cascading down my cheeks "oh... Jaz I'm really sorry.. I I didn't know" he apologized "yeh there's allot you don't know about me" I said as I left the room.
Vic**
I felt so bad for the shit I said to her knowing that she's going through all that I saw tears rolling down her cheeks then she turned and left the room, as she walked out I saw... scars... no... not Jazlyn... she wouldn't do that, would she? I wanted to ask her but then I remembered how I was and that I was completely in-denial and that makes me want to help her more, I didn't want to believe that she was doing this to herself it killed me to know she was hurting that much to do this to her self.....
Jazlyn**
I ran to my room and locked myself in the bathroom,I took out my razor and began to make the fine little lines that seemed to take away all the pain.
1 for being a drama queen
2 for taking advantage of Vic
3 for being a fuck up
4 for yelling at Vic
5 for telling Vic why I purge
I felt woozy after all of that, I stumbled up and unlocked the door trying to find something to stop the bleeding then I heard talking... shitshitshitshit "hey Jaz can I talk to you?" he asked entering my room and then stopped dead in his tracks and then I felt really dizzy and fell but Vic ran and caught me he carried me to his bathroom and took out peroxide and cleaned me up, then bandaged my cuts kissing them better all this in silence.
After he was done he spoke "why didn't you come to me about this?" he asked hurt in his voice "because I didn't want to stress you out" I said quietly he looked up at me tears brimming his eye's "please, please if you ever feel like doing this to your self again come straight to me because I don't want to loose my best friend" he said giving me a hug, then carried me to his bed and curled up beside me... maybe life isn't so bad after all.
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Notes
sorry for updateing so late my mum and I went to a friends house and I had to go and play with little kids.. but I updated like promissed
Ughhh so cute!
5/29/15