It never ends

I'd recommend listening to the song while reading to get the feel of the chapter.

Oliver watched me for a while, probably wondering why I haven’t said anything yet, and/or why I was still dwelling on Anna. But I had a right to know. If everyone else knows, why shouldn’t I?
He didn’t argue, he just said “okay”. He looked as if he didn’t really mean it, but that he also didn’t feel like arguing any further.
I saw the regret in every move he made. But this was progress. Progress in him not keeping anymore secrets from me, him opening himself up to me. I didn’t want to push him, but I realized I had to, if I didn’t I would still be back at square one. Clueless.
Oliver took my hand and led me to the couch, he shut the TV off and sat in the chair left of me. He kept his face in his hands for a few seconds before releasing with a sigh.
He looked at me, sorrow filled his eyes. “Before I tell you, just know I’m sorry” I pressed my lips together.
“Just tell me” I said, trying not to rush him.
He looked as if he wanted to say something, but instead just ignored it.“ Before I came to the U.S, I went to another college, that’s where I first met Jace” The mention of Jace brought up another question in my mind, why was he back and how did he find Oliver? But now wasn’t the time to bring it up.
“I didn’t know how bad it was until I did it to you” His words were full of hesitation.
“It started with jace, we were at a party and he bet me to see how fast I could get a virgin in bed.” My chest began to swell. I came to the realization that was probably the only reason he even talked to me. May also be the only reason he kissed me first, I could never explain that to myself. It’s not like we had a whole lot in common, we probably wouldn’t even know each other if it wasn’t for Scarlett being my former room-mate. I wondered why I didn’t notice it earlier, or why I hadn’t questioned it.
Then I wouldn’t have met Oliver and gone through my first heartbreak. Although it hurt, I don’t regret meeting him at all.
I loved him.
Even if he wasn’t perfect.
I never expected him to be.

“I did, it went on for a while before Jace got bored, he wanted to make it more interesting. He wanted me to record it. He already had a girl in mind.” I sucked in a breath, I already thought taking a girls virginity for a bet was bad, but then to record it, I couldn’t even imagine.
“You can probably guess who the girl was. Anna, she was new, like you, completely innocent. Never saw any of it coming.” Oliver didn’t look at me when he spoke, his expression now blank.
“She didn’t suspect anything. I could feel her falling her falling in love with me, but I just didn’t feel that way, about her, about any of them. Now that I look back on it I was a complete asshole to her.” I was trying to picture it, he wasn’t exactly the nicest person to me either when we first met .His expression was completely neutral. “Soon after the video got leaked, I’m pretty sure it was Jace, but I didn’t say anything, by that time I had cut her out my life. I just left without a word. The college found out and she lost her scholarship.” I felt a bad feeling begin to build in my stomach, it didn’t sound like he was done, which meant there were worse things.
“A week later she came to me, wanting my help, her parents only let her go to college there because she had a scholarship. I said no. I don’t know where she is now”
There was something I was feeling, it wasn’t anger, wasn’t sadness…Sympathy. I didn’t know this girl. But I felt immensely bad for her. How could I not? How could he not? I couldn’t even imagine what it was like to fall in love with a guy, have him use you, and lose everything and have him not even care. How could he not care, and just leave her, in her time of need?
Oliver was watching me carefully.
“Say something skyler” he said, desperation thick and clear in his voice.
I shook my head, I didn’t know what to say. This was too much to take so late at night. He used her, just like he did me
“Why didn’t you help her?” my voice was soft.
Oliver shrugged. “I just didn’t care at the time”
“Why not” I felt my voice start to rise.
He hesitated. “I don’t know”
Out of nowhere I felt a hot tear fall down my cheek. How could someone be so heartless and cold? Ruin someone’s life and turn them away when they need help. I thought about how easily that could have been me, but I wasn’t across the world, and I didn’t have a scholarship to lose, I had it easy. Oliver saw and came up to me, he brought his hand up and tried to wipe it away, I turned away.
“Don’t cry” his voice was low.
“Why did you do it?”
“What?”
“Why did you do it to me?”
“Because you were an easy target. I knew this was hard for him to say, but it was even harder to listen “But then things got serious, I didn’t think I’d end up…” he trailed off, a few moments of silence went by. “I wanted to end the bet, but it was too late”.

The only reason he talked to me, associated with me, because I was easy. I wanted to deny it. But in a way, they were right. I felt my heart breaking with everything i was trying to reason with. Could I still love him after this? I didn't bother wiping anymore tears away.
Oliver sighed.“I’ll sleep on the couch if you want” his voice barely audible.
I shook my head. “No” As much as I wanted to think all this through and have it all sink in, and as much as being alone would help, having him away would separate us, leaving an awkward tension. That’s the last thing I want. I took his hand and led him back towards the bedroom. I can be mad later, we could talk further about this tomorrow. Neither of us said anything else as we got undressed and slid into bed; delving into a dreamless sleep

Notes

Song credit: Paramore.

Thanks for reading, It took some time to find the right song for this chapter, so extra thanks if you listened to it :).