Fight Back

Date: 27th February 2015. Weight: 5st 6lbs. Stage: Five. Estimated time of survival: One week.

It's coming soon. I can feel it. Everything is getting harder and harder. My left lung collapsed a few days after I woke up properly. The right is close to going too. It's getting hard to breathe. I have to take gaps when I talk in between sentences. I know that the only thing to go after my lungs is my heart. But that's okay. It's time for my story to end.
There's just a few things I need to do first. I need to finish my list. That's my only wish right now. I need to finish it. The list was sitting above my bed, pinned to the wall. I've asked to see everyone. It's the only way I'll finish it. When there's too many people around my bed I get flustered and confused. It's easier if I see them one by one, I'm less likely to space out.
"Helena..." I looked up and saw Hope. I smiled and she sat down. I played with the tube in my hand and waited for her to speak. "I don't know what to say." she sighed.
"I'll probably... argue with you anyway." I said and she laughed.
"Why didn't you tell me?"
"I didn't know... what to say. I tried," I told her. "But I didn't... want to hurt you... or get hurt."
"Hurting me would be better than me finding out like this." she sighed.
"Are you angry?" I asked her. She shook her head and smiled.
"How can I be? I'm sad. But I'm not angry."
"Why sad?"
"You're my best friend!" Hope gasped. "I used to tell you everything. You're still my best friend, I just don't want to lose you." she whispered. At the end her voice broke. I looked and saw she was crying.
"I'm sorry... I didn't tell you."
"I'm sorry too, I could have helped you." she cried.
"I didn't want... people to just go... Not like Alex... It was easier to... just push them away." I explained.
"I know, but you never pushed me away. I've always been watching you, Helena. I'll... I don't know what to do. I'll really miss you." she rushed.
"You're my best friend." I told her. Hope took my hand and kissed me on the cheek. I felt her tears roll onto my face and she wiped them away.
"I forgive you, Helena." she said weakly. I nodded and Hope let go of my hand. She wiped her eyes and sighed. "I'm going to go clean myself up." I nodded and she went out of my room.

Later that day someone else knocked my door and walked inside. I saw Phil and smiled gently. He came to sit down and took my hand. "Rumour has it I'm on some list." he laughed.
"Rumours are true." I replied. "How long?" I asked.
"Not long," he told me. "Are you scared?" Phil asked.
"No." I shook my head.
"You were before."
"Something changed." I explained.
"Fucking hell," Phil said under his breath. "How have you accepted it and I haven't?"
"Because you love me?" I offered.
"Probably," he nodded. "I'll miss you so much, Pippa."
"To the moon... and back?"
"To the moon and back." he confirmed.
"I love you." I told him.
"I love you too." he said, his voice choked. His eyes were full.
"You can cry." I told him.
"Men don't cry."
"You can cry." I repeated.
"Thanks." Phil laughed and tears rolled down his cheeks. "There's something I need to tell you." he said.
"What?"
"We had a breakthrough last month. I didn't want to say anything because you hadn't come to terms with it. But we're almost certain that there's going to be an injection available. It'd be administered daily. But that would slow down and control the blood cells. It would neutralise everything for suffers in stage one and two. It wouldn't work for any later, unfortunately." Phil explained slowly.
"There's a cure?" I grinned.
"We think so," he nodded. "Are you not upset?"
"No," I laughed. "Sasha can have it... She won't die."
"That's right." he smiled.
"Phil... I know I have a... few days left... if I'm lucky." I said and he nodded sadly. "I didn't know when... I'd get time alone... with you."
"Whenever you want it." he said seriously.
"No, everyone will want... to be with me... I know I'm not... quite dead yet. But... I wanted to say... goodbye properly to you."
"Please, don't do this, Pippa." he sobbed.
"I can't go without goodbye... just like I can't go... without your permission."
"I'm not strong enough to give it to you."
"I don't want to... just go. We need... goodbye... You need closure." I explained.
"You're dying and you're thinking about me."
"I have to. You're... my favourite person." I told him.
"You're mine." he replied.
"So goodbye." I gasped.
"Goodbye, Pippa." he bit down hard on his lip.
"One thing." I said.
"Anything."
"There's Alex's journals... they're in my room... under my bed... Give them to Sasha."
"I promise." Phil said.
"And... look after her." I said. Phil didn't reply, he just took me into his arms.

The next day my mom walked into my room. I urged her to sit down and she almost looked scared. I smiled at her and she relaxed a little. "How are you feeling?" she asked.
"I've been better." I said.
"Are you comfortable?" she asked and I nodded.
"I don't want... to go with grudges." I explained. "I'm sorry for... all I put you... through."
"It's okay, baby." she gasped. "I'm sorry too. I should have been there, not in London."
"No." I stopped her. "Do what makes... you happy."
"Do you mean that?" she asked.
"Life should be lived." I told her.
"You're so strong."
"Don't feel like... you need to grieve here... Go to London... Evelyn will help Sasha."
"Okay." she nodded.
"I forgive you." I told her.
"Thank you, sweetheart." Mom muttered.
Then the door opened and I looked up. I saw Evelyn and Dad. They went to go but I stopped them. I squeezed Mom's hand and she kissed my head before she got up to leave. "Sit down." I told them.
"Is everything okay?" Dad asked.
"There's something I want." I said.
"What is it?" Evelyn asked.
"To say sorry... I was thinking a lot... But it's no excuse... I'm sorry for being horrible... When we should have... been happy... with our time."
"That's okay." Dad told me.
"No, I'm sorry." I said again.
"I forgive you." Dad told me.
"And Evelyn I'm sorry... I was horrible... But you cared."
"It's okay, Helena. Don't worry about it now. It's over, I love you still."
"I love you too... you were a better mom... You are my mother." I said and she broke down.
"And you're my daughter. I love you, Helena." she cried. Dad wrapped his arm around her.
"I love you too, Dad." I said.
"I love you with all my heart, Helena." he replied.
"I wrote a letter... for the baby." I said. I reached under my covers and handed it to Dad.
"Thank you." he told me.
"We'll name her after you!" Evelyn said.
"It's a girl?" I asked. They nodded and I frowned. "Don't remind yourselves... of my pain... Call her Fadia... it means Savior.. Let her be yours." I said. They both nodded and I sighed. "It's not time yet... But I need to say... goodbye."
"No." Dad shook his head.
"Please, goodbye." I repeated. Dad kissed my hand and I could tell, he wasn't ready, even if I was. "Get Sasha." I said.
"Okay." Dad nodded. He helped Evelyn up and they left.
The door opened and I saw Sasha. She walked slowly inside and I struggled to move over. I patted the bed and she lay down next to me. She took my hand and I stroked the back of hers.
"I'll miss you lots." she said.
"Why? You get my room." I teased.
"Shut up." she muttered.
"I'm joking." I said.
"But I'm not. I'll miss you, Helena." she said sincerely.
"It's okay. But... don't forget to live." I stared at the ceiling. I heard noise coming from beside me. "Are you crying?" I asked.
"Yeah." Sasha admitted.
"That's okay." I told her.
"I'm going to die like you! I don't want you to go and I don't want to go!"
"Shhh..." I soothed. "You're not going to." I said.
"What?"
"There's a cure... Don't tell anyone yet... but you won't die... Phil has a cure."
"But what about you? I still don't want you to die."
"It's too late... but it's okay... I'm ready." I told her.
"But I'm not." she sobbed.
"That's okay, Sasha." I whispered. "But try to... be strong... I know you can." I told her.
"Not without you."
"Don't flatter me... You're stronger than me... Darling." I breathed.

That afternoon Mike lay by me. He wrapped his arms around me and I rested my head on his chest. He stroked my hair out of my eyes and pressed soft kisses to my neck. "I left flowers on Alex's grave."
"......Thank you......." I told him.
"It's getting worse." he noted.
"........I'm going........" I said.
"Not yet, baby."
".......why?......."
"I haven't married you yet." he said softly. "I don't want you to go."
"I'm........ ready."
"How do you know?"
"It's....... my........ time." I admitted.
"No, baby. Don't do this to me." Mike sighed.
I tilted my head to the side and frowned. Mike was following my eyes. Someone else had walked into my room. He approached the bed and took my hand. I gasped and he smiled warmly at me. I questioned the beautiful man with my eyes and he nodded.
"........Alex." I gasped.
"He isn't here. Just me." Mike told me.
"Get........ the........ others." I begged. Mike frowned but gently set me down. He ran from the room. I looked at Alex and he smiled. "Are....... you....... alive?" I asked.
"No, I came for you. You don't have to go on your own, Hel'." Alex told me.
People came into my room and Alex went to stand by the wall. Evelyn, Dad, Sasha and my mom stood on one side of the bed. While Phil, Hope and Mike stood on the other. "I........ want........ to........ go." I told them. "Can........ I........ Alex?" I asked.
"You can." Alex told me.
"Don't go." Mike begged. He leant down to kiss my lips. "I love you, stay with me."
"No." I muttered.
"Phillip?" Evelyn asked.
"Her heart..." he muttered through tears. "She has so many pauses between her breaths. There's nothing I can do."
"Is she going?" Dad asked sadly.
"I'm sorry." Phil breathed. "She's too weak. Her hearts going." I explained.
"Bye." I whispered.
"No!" Sasha screamed. Dad held her and she cried into his torso.
"I'm........ okay........ so........ you........ should........ be......... too." I told them. "You........ will....... be." Mike pressed one last kiss onto my dying lips and Hope squeezed my fragile hand. I looked to Phil and begged him with my eyes.
"It's okay, Pippa," he sobbed. "I'll be okay. You can go now. It's okay." Phil cried hysterically. I nodded and rested my head back on my pillow. I took a breath and everyone waited for me to take another. But I didn't. Throughout the room the sound of me flatlining could be heard. It was over. I was gone.

I could feel arms around me. I buried my face into their chest. When I looked up Alex was holding me. I took a deep breath and he smiled. I looked around and saw nothing. Just white light. It was everywhere around me. I couldn't quite work out what I was standing on.
"I can stand." I muttered.
"It's over, Hel'," Alex told me. "You're better again."
"I am?" I asked and he nodded. "I can talk properly." I said.
"You're better." he said. I looked ahead and in the distance I could see tiny, golden, shining lights. I squinted my eyes and Alex took my hand. "I came to take you." he said. We started walking and it occurred to me, I wasn't horrifically thin anymore.
"What happens to Phil and Mike and the others?" I asked.
"They'll be okay."
"How do you know?"
"They're living, Helena. Just like they're supposed to. Let them live." Alex told me gently.
As we walked towards the tiny specks of gold I knew he was right. Down there is for the living. It should be that way. They don't need me to be there. I know they won't forget me. My story may have ended today but I'm not gone. My book is closed, but I still hold pages and chapters in other peoples stories. That is a thing of beauty. I have affected so many people, and that makes life worth while for me. I died young, yes. But I died accepting. I died free of hate. I died loved.

Notes

Hey everyone! Final chapter! Am I doing a sequel? Sadly no. But this story is something I've connected with so much. Please comment and tell me what you think! I'd love to hear from all of you. Would you like to see any of the other characters have their story told? I know some of you won't agree with the ending but I like it. Pippa has closure and has accreted her fate, like she should. Please check out my other stories and thank you so so much for all the support! Feel free to message me on here or on my tumblr. I love you! :)