Fight Back

Date: 14th December 2014. Weight: 7st 7lbs. Stage: Four. Estimated time of survival: Three months.

I slumped over to the door. I had to try and look pretty. Whenever there is any kind of event like this I always wonder why girls feel the need to outdo each other. Plastering on fake tan won’t make you foreign. Giving yourself a mask of foundation and spider lashes isn’t going to make you pretty or desirable, you just look ridiculous. At most the boy you like will sleep with you then call out the wrong name during climax.
I walked out of the bathroom and towards my room. I had a towel clutched tightly around me. I closed the door and I went to my bed. I grabbed the underwear I had laid out. I put them on and cringed at my form in the mirror. I would rather be over weight than this. Whenever I looked at myself like this I always feel sick to my stomach. My bony legs, ugly collar bones and flat boyish chest.
I hated how I was and that I couldn't even tell anyone. I couldn’t let Hope in. If I let her in then I let her share my pain, and nobody deserves this. I left my room quickly and as I walked out of my house I felt pain. It was the kind of pain that makes me wish I could feel what I was thinking, because the pain makes you numb to your thoughts. It isn’t in one particular place either, it consumes you.
I walked across the street and shoved my hands into the pockets in my dress. There was a car parked not far away and I walked slowly towards it. I recognised the car to belong to a girl in the year below me. I ducked my head and saw a group of girls. My knuckles tapped on the window and it was pulled down, a waft of smoke escaped.
“Gabe’s party?” I asked.
“Yeah, why?” one girl asked. She was skinny and had obviously tried too hard this evening.
“Can I get a lift?”
“We don’t know you. You could be a rapist.” she said and earned giggles from her friends. I rolled my eyes – I hate teenage girls.
“Well, I’m straight so if I was a rapist you’d only be driving me to my victim."
“Can you drive us back? If you don’t drink loads.”
“Sure,” I shrugged. They opened the door for me and I got inside. Did they think I actually intended on driving them back? I can’t drive firstly, and according to Phil I’m too ill to learn.
Phil doesn’t know I’m going to this party, he’d give me a lecture and as my hours are numbered I couldn’t waste my time listening to the dangers of binge drinking and how important it is not to smoke anything someone gives me.
“Here!” the girl driving declared. I looked at a large house with big gates and a long drive. Gabe was obviously rolling in it. The girls started to pile out of the car and I followed. I could just hear the blaring of music. I walked up to the door and inside. There was a drinks table not far away and I picked up a bottle. I tipped the bottle back and started to drink deeply. Phil’s going to kill me.

The party was how every party should be. Like all the movies, accept it didn’t have anyone streaking. Yet. I still hadn’t seen Mike, he was probably with his whore.
I walked to get another drink then looked up. Rosie was across the hall and was glaring at me. Real I want you dead glaring too. “What is her problem?” I asked myself.
“She hates you, plain and simple,” a voice said in my ear. I turned and saw Mike grinning at me. He leaned forward so he was next to my ear. “Want to go sit down? I haven’t seen you all night."
“Yeah.” I nodded. As we walked I noticed that he’d gelled his hair so he looked like a hedgehog. But he’d been drinking and kept pulling idiot faces so he looked like a hedgehog on cannabis. Come to think of it, he probably was on cannabis. He was wearing skinny jeans and a t-shirt. I don’t know why I noticed these things, I just did.
We sat down on the window ledge and I leaned against his shoulder. He wrapped an arm around me and tapped my shoulder with his fingers in time to the music. “Where was you?” Mike asked.
“When?”
“You left the other day. Hope said you’re not-lover came and got you from class.”
“Oh, yeah, I had this family thing.” I shrugged.
“What thing?”
“My mom was in hospital. Phil got me and I had to go and see her.” I lied.
“I thought your mum lived in the UK?” he said.
“She does. That’s why I was gone for more than a day.”
“Is she okay?” he asked carefully.
“Sadly.” I muttered grimly.
“You don’t get on with your mom?”
“Who do I get on with,” I said. “So, why is your whore hating on me?” I asked casually.
“She isn’t.” he replied simply and I frowned.
“She is, you said it yourself.”
“No, I mean she isn’t my whore any more. I dumped her.” he admitted.
“You what?” I gasped.
“No matter how hot she is under her clothes I can’t be doing with her.”
“You’ve dealt with her this long, you’ve done better than most.” I noted. He didn’t say anything and stood up. I looked at him and he held a hand out to me. I took it and he led me along.
“I need to go outside." Mike muttered.
“Why?”
“I need something.”
"Like what?" I asked stupidly.
"A joint." I was right. He is on cannabis.
"I didn't know you spent your pocket money on that." I teased.
“I don't, it’s too expensive for me right now, what with my parents situation. But I do steal other peoples.” Mike reasoned. We walked under the cover of the building and saw a group of smokers nearby. Mike jogged over and came back a moment later holding a lit half smoked joint.
“How do you do it?” I asked.
“What?” he laughed and took a long drag.
“You just smile and laugh and people line up giving you beer and drugs and their virginity.”
“Don’t know about the last one." he smiled.
“Think about the girls that have been charmed of their innocence and get back to me with a number.” I joked.
“You’re still a bitch to me." he muttered and I frowned.
He held out the joint and offered it to me. For a brief moment I thought of Phil but then he was pushed from my mind. I’d be dead in a few months anyway.
I took it from him and brought it to my lips. Then I took a long drag, inhaling and then breathing out through my nose. I looked at Mike and he grinned sloppily back at me. I took another long drag and stepped close to Mike. I could feel burning in my lungs and throat. It was starting to get to my head.
Mike stepped towards me until we were nearly touching. With his thumb and finger he pinched the joint out of my mouth. He finished it off himself and threw it to the floor before crushed the remains with his heel. We were both full of alcohol and weed and I only knew one thing, I wanted him. I wrapped my arms around his neck and he pulled my waist into him hard. I was still getting bad pain and this hurt, but I didn’t care. Then for the second time in my life I kissed Mike, accept this time he didn’t do it because Jaime dared him to. Mike tasted of weed and beer. The kiss was like a need, real hunger. It was lust and wanting to do this for a while I guess but not knowing it or even having the balls to. He pulled away from me and went to my neck.
“Pippa.” Mike moaned.
Then I got it. Got what I was really doing and how fucked up it was. I was fucked up. The truth was I was dying and by doing this I would be putting Mike through all the shit of my death, my funeral. My family passed this on, they deserved it. But I liked Mike, really liked him. He didn’t deserve that.
So I ran. I pulled away from Mike and jogged out of the gates. I felt weak and like I may pass out. I failed in hailing a car which resulted in me nearly getting myself ran over. Then I walked back home. My night sucked.

Notes

Hey! What did you think? So Helena likes Mike! Who knew? What will happen? What do you want to happen? :)