A Fool's Revenge.

~Two weeks earlier.~
It’s been a little over three months and I’m not gonna lie, I’ve been a rollercoaster of emotional craziness. I’ve had up days and the super down low ones but I’ve survived till now.

See it my way, all my really close friends are gone. I love my coworkers but when it comes to opening up to them, I can’t. I’m surprised I still have a job after the stunt I pulled a few days ago.

Long story short, some dumb bitch and her boyfriend came in and started making snarky remarks about how depressing I was, I lost it and punch the girl in the face. Dave wasn’t too happy so he sent me home for the rest of the week. Now here I sit on the cold tile floor of my bathroom; a slice away from cracking. I’ve kept myself from it for so long, longer than I ever expected to.

I haven’t heard from Mike in two weeks, any of them, and I’m crumbling without as much as a simple text. Chris and the other guys left not long after Mike did, Austin came to see me a couple weeks ago and I knew he would call soon to see how I was. I had grown attached to having Chris, Balz, Ricky or Austin here to talk to but now that there all gone I have no one. It all stays bottled up because I feel too bad calling them just to whine about how lonely I am.

I started to cry and ran the blade along my hips. I quickly tossed the piece of metal across the room after I honestly realized the damage I had done. I’ll never be able to hide it from Mike when he comes home. I got up slowly with wobbly legs and limped over to the sink. I ran a small face towel under cold water and held it to my gushing hip.

~Now~

I sat in the couch, vaguely watching TV and drinking tea. The violent vibrating from my phone against the coffee table startled me. It was a blocked number so I hesitantly picked it up.

“Hello?” I said and the voice on the other side laughed.

“Jay, it’s just me chill.” Josh laughed and I scoffed which just made him laugh more.

“I just wanted to say, I’m flying up tomorrow and was wondering if I could stay with you while I’m in Cali. It’s okay if you say no..”

“Josh, you honestly think I wouldn’t let you stay with me? You know me better than that.” I chuckled slightly.

“Yeah, I knew you wouldn’t say no. I guess I’ll see you sometime tomorrow. I have an early-ish flight so I should probably get some sleep seeing as it’s already half past eleven. Knowing you, you’re watching the news and drinking that night time tea that helps your sleep.” He chuckled and I rolled my eyes. They all knew my routine.

“I really need to change things up.” I mumbled and he laughed again. “I’ll see you tomorrow.”

“Night, Jay. Oh wait! Before you hang up, have you heard from the guys?” Damn, I was hoping he wouldn’t ask.

“No. None of them.” I mumbled as finished off my tea and shut the TV off.

“I’m sure one of them will call you soon. I’ll see you tomorrow okay?”
Yeah, night Josh.” I sighed and hung up before I got the unbearable lecture that I knew was bound to come tomorrow.

I slowly walked up to my lonely room and as I slid into my chilly bed an idea popped into my head. I would definitely act on it when Josh got here because I’m terrible with decision making.

*NEXT DAY*

I woke up to the same thing as I always did on a Friday morning; Law & Order: SVU. I turned my TV off and hopped in the shower and got ready. I made it quick and dressed super comfy because I wouldn’t be doing much today.

I made myself breakfast- late lunch actually because it was almost two in the afternoon. Not soon after I sat down with my plate of pancakes the doorbell rang. I don’t think that doorbell has been used since I moved back here from Santa Barbara. I chuckled at the thought as I opened the door.

“I’m baaaack.” Josh chuckled and scooped me up in a big hug. Honestly, I needed a good one.
I didn’t say anything just smiled and ushered him in. I took two of the pancakes off of my plate and put them on a separate one for him. He sat across from me at the table with an analytical look strewn on his face.

“What’s going on?” he asked hesitantly and I looked up from my half eaten short stack of pancakes. I simply shook my head as if nothing was wrong and subliminally rubbed the barely healed lines on my right hip.

“How’s the response to the album so far?” I said in hopes to change the subject. I could tell he wasn’t having it though.

“Good… C’mon, it’s just us here. You can tell me what’s going on. Shit, Jay, I came here and cried to you. Tell me what’s going on. I know it’s about Mike. You do this every time he leaves.” He rambled and I felt bad. I told myself I wouldn’t shut everyone out again this time but I guess I did anyways.

Old habits die hard, I guess.

“I’m just all alone in this house. I have nothing here to do. I’ve gone to see Mike’s family a few times but that was about it. I got kicked out of the tat shop for a week because I got upset and punched some girl who was making comments with her boyfriend so I don’t even have work to occupy me.” I said lowly. I was ashamed that I punched the girl; I did apologize to her in the end.

“Is that all?” he already knew. I nodded my head and even though he didn’t believe me he dropped it for now.

“How’s the girlfriend situation?” I asked after a long awkward silence of eating our pancakes. I picked up our plates and rinsed them off in the sink and turned around to see his bashfully smiling down at the table.

“Oooh, Joshy has a girlfriend! Tell me about her!” I said playfully and a slight blush flooded over his cheeks.

“She’s amazing. She’s pretty much the girl version of me. Her name’s Ryan and she’s just perfect. ” He smiled sheepishly at the ground. I couldn’t help but smile at how happy he was. It actually makes me wonder if Mike ever looks like that when he talks about me to people.

“That’s good. I can’t wait to meet her.” I said with a bright smile. He just smiled and we stayed quiet for a little while.

“So are you gonna tell me?” he asked quietly as if someone was listening to us.

“Tell you what?” I inquired. He went to speak but stopped.

“That you hurt yourself. You’re lucky it’s me here and not Chris or Ricky because they would be pissed. You’re even luckier that it isn’t Devin standing here because it’d be way worse than anything Chris or Ricky could ever dish out.” He rambled a little then just shook his head and just looked at me with these sad disappointed eyes. I just let my head fall because honestly, I was disappointed in myself.

“I’m sorry.” Was all I could muster up though it didn’t fix what I did. What’s done is done and I’m hoping to keep the promise I made to myself that I will never resort to that again. He laughed sarcastically and I got scared.

“Ya know, I never expected it to get this bad when all of us left. Shit, you’re the strong one of all of us. And I mean ALL of us. I knew you would shut us off but I really never thought you would do something like this. I’m not gonna yell at you or tell you how reckless you were being but I will tell you that you need to talk to Mike about it. Whether it be when he calls or when he gets home. He’s gonna find out regardless.” He babbled and I sighed. I was gonna tell Mike the next time he called but he hasn’t.

I just nodded and he put on a small smile.

“C’mon. Let’s go do something to cheer both of us up.” I put on a small smile myself and felt a little better that that’s all he said of the matter. I went upstairs and put on some shorts and came back down.

“I have a place that we could go and I know how great you are with helping me pick things out. I’ll drive.” He looked at me a little scared but reluctantly walked out the door with me.

I drove around for a while looking for the building but soon enough it showed and a big smile grew on my face.

“San Diego animal shelter?” He read out loud as we got out of the car and I just nodded excitedly like a little kid.

We walked through the doors and all we heard was barking and howling along with some giggles thrown in there. I smiled as we walked up to the desk while josh just looked at me skeptically.

“Hi! What can I help you with?” the young girl at the front desk smiled.

“Well, I was hoping to take home someone to keep me company. My boyfriend is in a band and always touring and I’m all alone.” I smiled slightly. She looked at me inquisitively but smiled.

“Okay, I’m sure we have the perfect bestfriend to keep you company here! If you don’t mind me asking, what’s the name of your boyfriends’ band? I love checking out new music.” She smiled brightly like I used to when I found a new band to love.

“Pierce the Veil. They’re pretty good… “ I was going to say more but I saw her jaw drop and eyes bug. Josh and I just kind of smirked and chuckled at each other then looked back at her.

“I take it you’ve heard of them?” josh said with a laughed and she nodded.

“I love them! I didn’t get to see them a couple months ago but I’m saving up to see them when they come around again!” She sighed.

“Well, I’ll tell you what. If you help me find an adorable furry friend I’ll hook you up to meet them when they come around. I’m sure I can talk Mike into getting you on the guest list. If anything I’ll take you myself.” I chuckled thinking about how stubborn Mike is about the guest list.

“Oh my god! You would really do that for me?” She looked like she was about to burst into tears. So I just nodded.

“Wow, thank you so much! Now, uh, are you looking for a specific animal? Cat, dog?” She said with a still baffled look on her face.

“I was kind of hoping for both. I love both dogs and cats. More of a cat person though.” I chuckled as we walked through the back door.

“I am too. Cats are just so cuddly.”

“Do you have any kittens and puppies? My aunt always said that if you bring them up together then they are bestfriends for life.” I smiled. She nodded and made a sharp turn to where we heard a bunch of little yaps.

“These are some puppies that were born about a month ago. They’re pitbull’s I believe.” I smiled brightly as we walked into the room full of rambunctious pups. I looked around and found one that was lying in the far corner all by himself.

“Can I?” I asked as I pointed to the pup.

“Of course!” I stepped over the pen they had and picked him, or her, up.

“That’s Layla. She’s the runt of the litter.” The girl smiled down at the pup in my arms. I instantly fell in love. She was beyond perfect.

“I think I'm in love.” I said quietly and the girl nodded.

“She’s so perfect. You have another week till you can bring her home, is that okay?” she asked as she searched the little cages for her clipboard.

“Oh yeah. That’s fine.” I said in a baby voice down to the pretty little girl. I put her down and she scampered away to her little corner.

“You wanted to look at the kittens we had too, right?” she asked politely and I nodded. She lead us out of the puppy room and into another that was much quitter.

“I think they’re all asleep right now but these guys are old enough to take home today if you’re ready.” She whispered as she opened the door. As she assumed, the tiny little fur balls were passed out and I chuckled at one who was lying on his back with his paws in the air.

“Who’s the runt of this litter? I asked quietly and she looked around before picking up two tiny ones.

“These are two litters so this one, Mittens, is the runt of the black and white ones. This one, Roxy, is the runt of the brindle batch.” I looked between the two and I gravitated more towards Mittens because Layla was brindle and something told me that he was perfect to take home.

“I think I’ll take the little man.” I smiled and she handed him over to me in which he responded by nuzzling into my neck. I just melted and I think stone cold Josh did too.

“Great! He’s a real lover. I promise you he won’t leave your side no matter what.” She chuckled. She grabbed his paper work and walked us back out to the front desk with a small box to put him in.

“Okay, I just need your signature here and here and the payment then he’s all yours.” She said with a smile then stumbled around and placed another clipboard next to Mittens’.

“I’ll also need a down payment for Layla so we can hold her for you.” She smiled brightly.
I gladly signed and paid for both animals. I glanced over at Josh who was hold Mittens and super quietly talking to the little one. I chuckled and handed the clipboards back to the girl.

“Hey, I never got your name.” I said as she turned around.

“It’s Alycia. Everyone just calls me Lyci though.” she smiled brightly.

“Well, Lyci, Just give your email or number and I’ll let you know when PTV are coming around again and I’ll get you on the list like I said.” The expression on her face made my day, just as she did for me. I got two new friends and she got a free pass to a concert. Win-win.

She put her name and number in my phone and handed me the papers for both of my animals all with the biggest smile on her face.

“Alright, well thank you for helping me find two amazing new friends. I’m sure my friend Josh is gonna have a ball with Mittens.” I chuckled and she looked at him, squinting her eyes.

“I know you. I just don’t know where from.” She said to Josh and I chuckled.

“Motionless in White.” He smiled. “I know, I look way different without the makeup and contacts.” He chuckled and she nodded her head.

“You guys are pretty good. I’ve heard you on Pandora before.” She smiled lightly.

“Thanks. Maybe this chick will bring you with her when we come around.” He smiled and nudged me and I just nodded.

“If you want to, of course.” I chuckled and she nodded furiously.

“Good, I always need a good concert buddy.” I smiled.

“Anytime, really.” She said in disbelief.

“Well, we have to go spoil this guy right here. I’ll talk to you later, Lyci. See you next week!” I smiled and looked down at Mittens.

“Alright. Have a good day guys!” she waved as we walked out the door and to my car.
We stayed quiet all through picking up stuff for Mittens at the pet store and grabbing a quick bite to eat until we got home.

“So, is this really gonna help you out while he’s gone?” he asked quietly without looking at me. I opened the door, kicked off my shoes and sat on the couch while Mittens ran around exploring.

“I think so. I hope so.” I mumbled and watched the two months old kitten walk around and sniff everything.

“I’m only staying for a little while but I just want to know that these two animals are going to help you not do what you did again.” I smiled a little at how caring he was being because I didn’t get to see that side that often. Maybe this new girl he met softened him up a bit.

“I’m hoping having them around will help me not resort to that too but I mean I can’t make promises. I’d like to believe that this is what I need to help me but sometimes that’s just not the case. I’m going to try hard if not harder than I did the last time not to cut myself for the duration of Mike being gone.” I stopped myself from rambling too much and he just sighed.

“I think I’m just gonna go to bed. I’ll see you in the morning, Jay.” He said sadly and walked upstairs.
I stayed downstairs setting up Mittens things like his food and water bowl and litter box. I let him eat and go to the bathroom before I took him upstairs with me.




I lay in bed just thinking about everything. Just pondering how much, if any, worse I could get without Mike here. I figured animals would keep me occupied for the remaining three months and I fell like its working but at the same time I’m a little cautious about it. I’m cautious about myself. I was scared of what Mike would say when I told him what happened, if he would ever call. Just as I thought about it, my phone rang and my heart skipped a beat when I saw his name.

I hesitated picking it up but I did before he hung up.

“Hey babe! Sorry I haven’t called or texted, it’s been crazy here. I’ll tell you about it tomorrow though. I know it’s a little late. I just wanted to check in before we started warming up. How are you?”

“It’s okay, I figured you were busy. I actually have something to tell you and I don’t know how you’ll take it. Well, actually I do but…”

“What is it, Jay?”





“I cut myself a couple weeks ago…”

Notes

I'm baaaaaaack! for now at least. I'm trying to get back into a routine of writing again after doing next to nothing all summer. What have you guys been up to?

I most likely won't update much during the beginning of September because I'm having surgery on the 8th and pre-op on the 2nd and follow up on the 9th and school.

Have any of you started school yet? and if not, when do you start? I start on wednesday((27th) :(

I hope you like this! I hope to get another chapter in before school starts!

Thanks for being so patient and still commenting/subscribing/voting<3
Love you guys xx
-Becca