Screams of Silence

Easy. That’s what life had been feeling like lately. Road trips to nowhere while singing off-key to the songs playing on the radio, lying down under the stars with the sound of lapping waves dull in the background, lazy mornings and chocolate chips pancakes. Life had been treating me so well that it seemed so selfish. It was so easy to smile. It was so easy to love her.

We spent the day in Disneyland--I was shocked that she had never been there--with Mike and his girlfriend. After all that time catching every ride and seeing every sight as we could, nothing felt better than sitting on the couch back home.

It amused me how commonplace this all felt. It was as if we had been together for years, when the reality was that we had only been ‘together together’ for almost two months. I couldn’t get enough of this feeling.

Tori snuggled into me, her head resting in the crook of my neck and shoulder. She smelt of candyfloss and sunshine. Her fingers were twisted in mine, ending the day with one of our favourite Disney movies. Every now and again I would glance at our entwined fingers, thinking about how lucky I had gotten to fall in love with my best friend. It was a dream come true.

“Hmm?” Tori piped, lifting her head up slightly to look up at me as I realised I gave my thoughts a voice.

I shook my head. “It’s nothing,” I replied. “This just feels like a dream I’ve had and now it’s come true.”

She smiled, pressing a kiss to my cheek. “You have such simple dreams, Tony. It’s nice.”

“Okay, well, the dream isn’t all complete but this is perfect as it is.”

Her thumb traced a pattern on the back of my hand. “What else do you dream about?”

I felt my cheeks heat up a little at the thought. “Some other things but they’re stupid.”

“Babe, your dreams aren’t stupid,” she said softly, snuggling deeper into my side. “Can I know? Unless you really don’t want to tell me, then that’s fine.”

I looked into her blue eyes which held the world--my world. “C’mere,” I said, pulling her so she could sit on my lap, and she did. My arms circled around her waist while I leaned my chin on her shoulder. She stroked my hair to the side a bit, running her fingers through it softly. “Of course I want to tell you about them.”

I heard the chuckle in her voice. “What does my little turtle dream about?”

I let out a sigh, a contemplative one. “Pierce the Veil selling out every show and all our albums going platinum. Starting up my own clothing line when being in a band starts to die down. Making my fans happy. Being with my family and friends, most importantly you...stuff like that,” I answered, shrugging a bit.

Tori nodded, a smile playing on her lips. “That sounds beautiful, plus you’re making a good progress on making them into a reality. That doesn’t sound stupid at all.”

I stole a kiss from her, a chaste but intimate one on the lips. “I haven’t really gotten into the rest. Fair warning though, they’re a bit weird.”

“Tony, we’ve been best friends for twenty odd years or so. I think I can handle your weirdness,” she countered playfully.

“Don’t say I didn’t warn you,” I replied as she let out another giggle. “Okay. Sometimes I dream of us just being together, kind of like how we are right now. Sometimes I see you in my dreams painting on the balcony or the living room and there’s a smaller easel next to yours.” My blush deepened as I continued. “And sometimes I’m playing the guitar for you, and you’re holding a toddler who’s about to fall asleep in your arms--blue eyes and black hair.” I shook the thought away before I got too carried away in it. “But yeah, as I said. Sort of stupid,” I added, staring at the floor.

Tori’s fingers slid under my chin, prodding me to look at her. Her expression was gentle and calm, giving away that she was enamoured by the possibilities. Our endless future together. “You dream of us having kids one day?” she murmured.

As if it was automatic, my hand reached up to the back of my neck. “I don’t know. I don’t want to suggest anything but if it can happen sometime in the future...why not?”

Her hand caressed my cheek as she pressed a kiss to my forehead. Moments like these seemed better than the infinite horizon my dreams could offer.

“I hope all your dreams come true one day,” she whispered.

When I was with her I felt like they already had.




“And I will be the only light, I’ll be the only light!”

As we faded out of the song, the screams were deafening but exhilarating. Home shows were my favourite. Playing at any show anywhere in the country or world was amazing but San Diego had this vibe that was like no other place we’ve performed.

There was no place like home. Not just playing at a crowded amphitheatre at a spontaneous gig arranged only a day beforehand, but having the person you called home watching you from side of stage. As confetti fell all around us, I glanced to my right to find her beaming. Tori was game for watching me play at a real gig because all she’d ever seen was our music videos and live performances on YouTube. She didn’t leave to wait backstage after the first song as the guys’ girlfriends usually did either. For the duration of our set, she watched from the side-lines, thankfully with earplugs on.

The crowd roared as we exited the stage and the next set was getting ready to go back on. I found myself walking out a little faster than I normally did as soon as I chucked my guitar up for one of our guitar techs to catch. When I knew I was completely out of sight from the audience, I ran to her, lifting her off her feet as she hugged me.

“You were amazing!” she cried happily, in between her laughter. She leaned down to kiss me, the sweat on my skin not bothering her in the slightest. I felt the curve of her smile, one of the best feelings in the world, as she stroked my face. The guys from our crew groaned and snickered at our PDA but I didn’t care. All that really mattered in that moment was her.

We separated but I kept holding her. The stage lights made her shine, her hair like the sun. “That?” I asked, perching an eyebrow. I shrugged, “wait until World Tour, babe.”

She rolled her eyes as I pressed another kiss to her cheek. A few days ago our band manager had told us that we were scheduled to go on tour with our friends from Sleeping With Sirens with the first leg starting in early November. Since the first leg would be in the States, Tori had agreed to come with for a few dates.

My hand was in hers as we headed to the locker room-slash-makeshift-lounge where everyone else, cooling down after the show. Plans were being made for next week for a mini road trip up the coast and we were all really excited for it. A holiday within a holiday for Tori.

It wasn’t that much longer until Tori and I started heading out. Usually after a gig we all went out for drinks but I wasn’t really in the mood. I guess it was still the rush of a new relationship. I didn’t want to share Tori with my circle of friends just yet.

As we strolled through the city, I was taken back to our days in Phoenix when we roamed through the streets. Most stores were closing up but there were a lot of restaurants and bars open, one that I was certain the band and crew were heading to.

My arm was slung over her shoulder as we headed to the boardwalk that lead to my apartment. Her arm was wrapped around my lower back. The fresh sea breeze was refreshing, and if anything maybe us hold on to each other a little more.

“I was thinking,” Tori began.

“What’s on your mind?” I asked, glancing at her as she looked straight ahead.

She looked up, studying my face. “Seeing on you stage doing what you love is so inspiring. Like, people can have a dream job but it doesn’t mean the job lives up to the dream, you know? I thought I had the dream job with the design company back in Arizona but the more I think about it, the more I realised how much I ended up working for the sake of working. It wasn’t what I had originally wanted.”

I nodded. “You’re going to find what you love again, Tori,” I replied. “Take your time. I want you to be happy. Whether it’s through freelance work or being employed by a design company, do it because your heart wants to.”

She stifled a laugh. “You’re so cheesy,” she shot back, elbowing me in the ribs softly. “I don’t know... seeing you play made me question why I pursued art in the first place. It made me happy. And it took me back to those days with my aunt when she taught me and Tate how to paint. If I could bring that joy it brought me to other children...” she mused. “Does that sound crazy?”

“Of course not,” I answered, holding her closer. “I can imagine first graders being excited to go to art class with their favourite teacher Miss Holt.” After she laughed some more, I continued. “So you want to go back to school and get a teaching degree?”

“Maybe just a graduate diploma since I already have the art degree. I haven’t fully decided but since the semester is about to start I should get a crack into it.” She stopped in her tracks, giving me a grin. “What if I moved and studied here?”

I raised an eyebrow, double checking what I thought I heard her say.

She caught my hesitation. “Too soon?” she asked. She shook her head, “I’m kidding,”

I let out a laugh. “Nah, it’s not that. Whether you study here, in Arizona or wherever you want, I’m going to support your decision. If that’s your dream, then I’ll do what I can to make it come true,” I added, drawing circles on her shoulder. “But if you want to move in with me, though, I gotta let you know something first.”

It was her turn to raise her eyebrow. “What?”

I leaned down to her ear. “I sort of already have a roommate,” I admitted jokingly. “I’ve known her since we were young kids and even though she only moved in a few weeks ago, living with her is the best, so I’d hate for that to go away if you moved in, but I doubt anything will change. Yesterday she made the most amazing cobbler.”

She gasped. “I would hate to inconvenience you two then,” she replied, going along with it. Tori’s laugh was one of the best sounds my ears have had the pleasure of hearing. It was a song in itself, one of my favourites.

I stopped and moved in front of her, taking both of her hands. “Move in with me,” I said. “I’d love nothing more.”

“You don’t think we’re moving too fast?” she countered, the smile on her face not leaving.

“Well if you think of the span of our relationship and compare it to other couples, I think after twenty years or so that it’s about time we started living together,” I explained, the corner of my lips pulling up in a crooked smile as well. “That’s if you want to though.”

Instead of opening her mouth to respond, she crashed into me, her forehead, leaning against my chest. My arms wrapped around her waist as I kissed the top of her head. I felt safe in her embrace. I felt strong. This was where I belonged. With her.

“You sure your roommate won’t mind the extra company?” she asked, looking up at me with her dreamy eyes.

I shook my head. “I have a feeling that you two will hit it off,” I answered as she graced me with another bout of her soft laughter. As my dreams became more of a reality with each passing day with Tori, I wanted to make sure that hers would come true too.

Notes

i hope their dreams come true tbh idk will we let them???? lel


look how fetus this is nawwww cheers fetus-ptv tumblr

ok ok claire take the wheel j love you
don't worry be happy :) netflix and chill
precious out