I smiled softly at the flowers Tony had gotten me that were sitting on my counter. I absentmindedly brushed my finger across the soft pedals of one of the sunflowers. I always loved them because of the way they looked towards the sun. When I was little I wanted to be a sunflower when I grew up. My smile broadened because I realized I was somehow now on my way to accomplishing that. My back was now turned away from the darkness—the past. I now only focused on the light. The future. Tony.

“Hm?” he hummed, looking up from his phone. He was leaned on the counter across from me, texting his friends back home.

I raised an eyebrow back at him. “You said my name,” he smiled with a small chuckle.

“Oh,” I blushed a little. “I didn’t mean to, sorry,” I said.

“It’s okay, Tori,” he chuckled again. “Whatchya thinking about?”

I walked around the counter and settled next to him, resting my head on his shoulder. My best friend was here, my shoulder to lean on was here for real—it wasn’t a dream because I had woken up this morning next to him. I probably clutched onto him too much though because I was still afraid he was going to fade away.

“The flowers are pretty,” I simply said, quietly. Talking was weird. But because Tony was here, I liked it. I wanted to be better for him. I had to let good things happen. I had to let myself accept that life wasn’t all bad, no matter how scary it could be at times. I deserved some good. We all did.

Tony grabbed my hand carefully and I smiled. My best friend was here. But more than my best friend was here, too. I didn’t know what to call it just yet, but we were slowly figuring it out. I didn’t need to really know, anyway. As long as he was here.

I was afraid that Tony was going to look at me different after everything. After I revealed my twisted Ella creation. After he saw my ruined art studio and my ruined body and spirit. After he finally found out about what happened to me when I was kid—the source of all of my problems today. But he didn’t. He treated me the same. Kind and careful, always a little hesitant and doubtful of himself. Typical Tony. But when we were together, overtime he shined away from his doubts—we both did. We brought out the best in each other, and I knew that that was the most important part of any relationship. After so much destruction the past six months, it made me happy to see that we could still carry on and not drag each other down.

“Sorry it’s so dry, here,” I said quietly. Tony brushed his thumb across the back of my hand.

“It’s dry in San Diego, too,” he shrugged.

“I meant about the entertainment, doofus,” I giggled, nudging his arm. “There’s not much to do.”

“Hey, we could sit together and stare at a wall for ten hours and I’d be happy, as long as you were next to me,” he offered. I giggled again. The way words and laughter fell from my mouth so easily around him now excited and scared me—mostly excited me, though. “But, if you want to, and no pressure, we could go to San Diego. It might be nice for a change of scenery, plus you could meet everybody if you’d feel comfortable doing that,” he suggested. “My mom’s been dying to meet you for years, anyway,” he added with a lighthearted laugh. I blushed a little.

“That’d be nice. I don’t want to cause any trouble, though.”

“Don’t be silly, Tori. You’re a part of my life. I wouldn’t want to just leave you here. Unless you wanted me to—”

“I don’t want you to,” I cut him off gently, leaning my head on his shoulder again. “I’ll go to San Diego with you. I’m sure you have to get back soon anyway.” It would be refreshing to go out there. I would probably talk even more. When I was little, I was a spastic talker. That part of me would probably come out again for the first time in forever because I wouldn’t be in Phoenix. Perez, even though he was in prison and the rational part of me told me I was safe, wouldn’t hear me. Phoenix wouldn’t hear me.

“Cool,” Tony said happily. “In the mean time,” he started. I picked my head up from his arm to look at him. He was smiling. “Care to join me on our date?” his eyebrows wiggled a little and I couldn’t resist a smile. Smiling was so easy around Tony.

“I mean, I guess so,” I teased, scrunching my nose up. Tony stuck his tongue out at me and then we both stood up. I instinctively looped my arm through his. “Where we going?”

“Not sure,” he hummed as we exited my stuffy apartment.

I didn’t leave my place often—and the past six months without Tony’s influence, I hardly ever stepped outside. Given that, it seemed like he knew where he was going more than I did.

I tilted my head to the side in amusement. We had walked hand in hand, chatting casually, to this destination: a local Walmart.

He grinned. “Well, I mean, from what I know about the both of us, fancy dinners aren’t really our thing… maybe one day,” he said with a little wink. I blushed a little because I had never really seen him wink before. I liked it. I liked this Tony. I liked this Tori, too. I liked us. “If I remember correctly, your favorite candy is sour gummy worms, right?”

I smiled broadly and held his arm tightly in excitement. “You know me well, Perry,” I giggled. “And of course, Reese’s peanut butter cups, for you,” I said with a nudge. As much as I felt in the past that Tony didn’t know me, it was times like these when I realized that I wasn’t an entire lie to him. We knew each other. It was nice to remember that. How could I forget these little things?

He continued to smile. “Let’s grab a bunch of fun stuff and then I’ll take ya to our actual spot. Don’t worry, we’re not just dating at walmart,” he chuckled.

We wandered to the candy and snack isle of the store. Thanks to Tony’s help, I was eating regularly again and the site of all of the delicious food before me made me place my hand over my stomach in anticipation.

We ended up grabbing a nice assortment of stuff, not just candy but some “substance” too, as Tony called it. He got his fix of fake-taco and I got my fix of fake-pizza, made for children in the form of lunchables. I used to have lunchables all the time when I was little and mom didn’t feel like making me lunch. I never complained. I thought they were delicious despite the lack of nutritional value.

We checked out and each holding a bag of our goods, started walking to wherever he was leading us. Even though I wasn’t in the safety of my own home, I felt at ease talking with him out here. Because I was in the safety of him. Now that we had everything out in the open, I didn’t feel like I needed so many walls around him. We talked aimlessly the entire walk. I didn’t really second guess my words once.

I was a little confused when we turned onto the street of my apartment complex. Tony squeezed my hand, so I waited until I asked questions. I smiled once we started walking up the stairs, but passing the level my place was on. We turned a corner and followed a different set of stairs that had a “roof access” sign.

“Tony,” I breathed when we got up there. A nice breeze of air brushed passed us, something that didn’t normally exist in Phoenix except we were closer to the clouds. The air wasn’t so stuffy up here.

Across the way, flickering lights caught my attention. We walked closer and I saw the Christmas lights laying on the roof’s ground, surrounding a little picnic area that also had a mass pile of blankets and pillows and even some stuffed animals to the side. It was dark up here but the stringed lights gave off the perfect aura. Like stars, but because we were in a city you couldn’t really see those.

“Tony, this is so cute,” I said. I turned towards him and wrapped my arms around his neck, hugging him tightly.

“When did you set this up?” I asked, looking up at him. His eyes were sparkling. He set the bag of treats down and we sat down facing together, our legs crossed. He reached to the bag and dumped it between us.

“When you were sleeping this morning,” he said softly. “A lowkey getaway, eh?”

I nodded. It was much needed too. “It’s so cute!” I fell sideways into the neighboring pillows. I felt so at home with him here. “And very us,” I added, sitting up straight again.

“So, Miss Holt,” Tony started while opening the sour gummy worms and handing me one. “Has your favorite color changed since the last time I’ve asked?”

I scrunched up my nose and laughed. “Deep inquiries, Tone.” I peeled back the packaging of the Oreos and took one out. I separated the two halves. “Still purple,” I finally answered. I crunched on the non-icing cookie first before eating the side with the icing. I loved Oreo icing so I always saved that side for last.

“Would it be ridiculous to ask about your favorite animal?” I asked, grinning because of course his was still a turtle.

He stuck his tongue out at me. “You know the answer to that question, miss lady.”

We laughed and continued to snack on everything and talk. It was like a clean slate. Getting to know each other all over again. Except this time, we were using our voices, not just our words written down. Of course there was something special about talking to someone with written words, like those few days under the Ella alias, but there was something more special about being able to hear the tone of his voice when he talked about what he loved.

I asked him endless questions about his band. He was a little shy about it but showed me videos of them performing anyway.

“I’m so happy your dream came true, Tone,” I said softly, watching how passionate he was playing the guitar on stage. It was a whole other world that I didn’t really know. Kind of like from his perspective, I lived in a different world while I painted. We didn’t understand each other’s fully but we understood the concepts of having escape worlds. We both had a thing.

He placed his hand over mine, which was holding his phone where the videos were playing. “My dreams,” he murmured shyly. I looked up at him, just as shy, as a blush crept onto my cheeks. My limbs turned to jelly and I dropped his phone in my lap. Neither of us paid any care to it, though. He lifted his hand and placed it on my cheek. I suddenly became extremely shy and tilted my head into his hand. My heart was doing back flips.

“Um, I brought my laptop, if ya wanna watch a movie or something,” he said, his cheeks a little red too. I sucked in a breath and nodded with a smile. I should have just kissed him but for some reason, we both were too nervous. Maybe because we had just gotten each other back as best friends and didn’t want to change it, yet. Of course I wasn’t in any rush. As long as we both were here.

“Play your favorite,” I suggested. We rolled onto the blankets and laid next to each other on our stomachs, the laptop in front of us. He had his arms folded under his chin and I leaned close to him, resting my head on his arm. “Which is Star Wars, of course I know that,” I said, tilting my head to look up at him. He grinned.

“Are you sure though?”

“Totally! I haven’t seen these in forever.” He nodded and started his favorite one from the series. We chatted a bit throughout but before I knew it, my eyes were really heavy and every now and then I’d fall asleep and wake up to be another thirty minutes further in the movie. I snuggled against Tony, very relaxed and content.

Eventually, Tony was nudging me a little, telling me we should probably go inside. The mosquitoes were out and also we could possibly get in trouble for being up here late at night. We sleepily gathered all of the stuff and made our way back to my place. The second we walked into my apartment, we just dropped everything at the door to deal with later. I turned and wrapped my arms around his neck. I probably would have slept right there if he hadn’t of scooped me up.

I smiled sleepily and nuzzled my head into his shoulder.

“Thank you Tony,” I mumbled when he carried me to my room.

“For what, Tor?” he chuckled.

I didn’t let go of him when he went to set me down on my bed. I wrapped my arms tighter around his neck and clutched onto him tightly. “For carrying me,” I said. “And I don’t mean just now,” I added. Tony carried me through this past week. He got me back on my feet. He helped me clean my apartment. He helped me revamp my art room so that when I went into it, I didn’t think of how I destroyed it. Instead, I’d think about how fun it was to re-set up in Tony’s company. He helped me get my health back. Sometimes you couldn’t walk through life alone and you needed a little carrying. Tony was here for me when I needed that. “I’ll carry you too,” I mumbled. It sounded silly out loud but I knew he knew what I meant.

He kissed the side of my head and I let him go. We both immediately turned shy for some reason, kind of like earlier before we started the movie. It wasn’t like we hadn’t been sharing a bed the entire week, though. It wasn’t like we hadn’t just been cuddling for three hours.

I sat down on my bed and then opened my arms for Tony to join. I didn’t really have words in that moment. I just knew I didn’t want him to wander off just yet. He smiled softly and, a bit awkwardly, laid down next to me. But the second we snuggled up together comfortable, we both sort of sighed—all traces of awkwardness vanished. This was right where we both needed to be.

“I had fun tonight. Thank you,” I said. He ran his fingers through my hair. He had told me the other day that he liked my hair blonde and grown out. I realized that I did too. I felt like myself again. More complete.

“Me too. It was much needed,” he replied.

“How much longer are you staying here for?” I asked quietly. I didn’t want to keep him from his responsibilities for much longer. We were on a cloud that simply could not float forever.

“Well, we don’t have concrete plans for the new album right now, so there’s not much to do. We’ll be touring soon. But I don’t really know, I kinda came here on a limb… I don’t have any plans or anything past tonight figured out…” he explained. “But like we talked about earlier, you can come with me. And work on your art and stuff in San Diego,” he added, shifting more so we were looking directly at each other, laying on our sides.

I nodded along. It seemed like we both were low key desperate to be in each other’s company. Life had to go on but we didn’t want to separate—not yet, at least. Not after almost losing each other for good.

Tony nodded a little. “I was so scared,” he whispered. I waited for him to continue. “I thought I had lost you. I almost lost me. I just—” he cut himself off with a shake of his head and a heavy sigh. I lifted my hand and held it against his cheek. That seemed to calm him down.

“Me too. You came back at the right time,” I said. If it had been any longer—a day later, or maybe even just an hour—I probably would have done some more permanent damage. I didn’t want to think about that, though, because I swore I’d never get to that point again.

Tony nodded. “It’s okay now, Tone. We’re both here still. And we’re both not going anywhere,” I said with an easy smile. I brushed my thumb across his cheek to remind him that I was really here. I was better and so was he.

“Can I ask you something?”

“Sure.”

“You said the other day, something about pushing your family away. What happened?” he bit on his lip a little tentatively.

I nodded. “Yeah… they live across the city. Tate… my brother… he lives closer to them with a wife and little boy,” I heaved a sigh. “Not so little any more, I guess. He was born three years ago… I…” I sighed again and shook my head.

Tony lifted his hand and supportively placed it on my arm. “I just stopped answering them, y’know? I was difficult to deal with… I didn’t want to deal with them not really understanding… I don’t know. I cut myself off from them. I shouldn’t have done that. After time passed we just gave up on the relationships. The occasional birthday cards, y’know, but not the same… it’s horrible, we’re family, I just…” I shook my head.

“Sorry, I shouldn’t have asked,” he mumbled. I shook my head again.

“No, no, it’s fine. You’re curious.”

He nodded. “But also willing to help, you know that. It’ll be okay. Everything will work out soon enough, Tori. I’ll make sure of it.”

And just like that, the sort of heavy conversation that we had been avoiding all night turned light again. I knew that Tony could help me make good out of the bad.

Tony’s phone buzzed. “Uh, excuse me,” he apologized and rolled over, swiping his phone from the side table. “Guys asking for updates,” he said, typing a message. As he did that, my phone beeped, too.

“Ah look at that,” I commented as I grabbed my phone. By instinct, I smiled escaticly when I saw I had an instant message notification from Tony. Night night, Rabbit Girl.

I rolled my eyes and replied: Rabbit Girl. So original, Turtle Boy. I chuckled to myself. “Idiot.”

“Hey, I can hear you now, y’know,” Tony commented. I jumped a little and looked up at him.

“Ahh, Tony! I love that you’re here!” I said excitedly, hugging him tightly. “For a second there,” I started as I pulled away, “I was sucked back into our instant messaging days,” I laughed, tossing my phone to the side. “But you’re here and everything is wonderful,” I said happily, hugging him again. Tony chuckled and ran his fingers through my hair again.

I used to ache in my chest and fall asleep with my phone clutched between my fingers after a full night of messaging with him and wishing he was here to hold. Tonight, there was no ache. Just a radiating happiness. Finally. I fell asleep with him actually in my arms.

Notes

Real talk have y’all ever heard of lunchables? When I was little I got them sometimes and they were kinda a treat
Here’s a pic of these beauties.
The pizza ones are bOMB. And they sometimes come with caprisun’s and like a crunch bar or something. Can’t get any better than that tbh
i can't believe i just ranted about lunchables. wow okay anyways
here’s your routine cute pic of tony bc ilysm
idk if this counts but it's cute. Turtle Boy. (that was a reference to one of their early conversations btw i reread this story for inspiration and thought it'd be cute to use lines that they've written to each other before. aww)
sorry i realized i'm not very good at cute stuff so i apologize if this didn't live up to expectations! but brace yourselves for more cuteness to come. precious, make us all giggle with fluff. ily.