I looked down at the notepad she passed to me after a hesitant moment.

Ella she had written in the same neat and cursive script of hers. The name suited her, it was pretty and graceful—fit for a princess. I glanced back up at her and she was looking out to the window, watching people walk past the café. Some of them flicked their eyes to the café wistfully while others went in through the open door. She sipped from her straw, indulging in the sweet, pink smoothie. I myself decided that it was too hot for coffee and settled with a mango smoothie instead. I knew I needed the caffeine in my system after that flight so I could stay alert during dinner with Tori, but the sweat dripping down my back got the better of me. I made a mental note to take a cold shower to cool me down.

“Ella,” I repeated, accustoming my voice to the sound of her name. She looked at me again and gave me a smile with the straw between her lips. “Nice to meet you, Ella.”

Ella placed her glass down on the table and reached for the paper. Part of me wanted to know why she didn’t speak. Really bad anxiety? Not that I had a problem with it. If she did have anxiety, I could understand why she chose not to talk and I didn’t want to pressure her. Even though I’ve only just met her, I didn’t want her to look like the way she did when I first saw her. Besides, this form of communication had to count for something, right?

She dropped the pen and slid the notepad along the table.

It’s nice to meet you too.

Before I could stop myself, a smile escaped from my mouth. But that quickly changed when I felt a pang of sadness and guilt wash over me. Being here with Ella reminded me of how easy it was to talk to Tori. I was still pretty bummed that she couldn’t pick me up, damn client who needed her when I needed her more, but I hoped that it would all go away when dinner came. I didn’t let my disappointment show though. It would’ve been rude to Ella. She was one of the few people so far who haven’t given me the dirty eye for the tattoos inked on my body.

“You owe me a drink,” I stated jokingly, gesturing to her smoothie.

You didn’t have to buy me a drink, she wrote back.

I was about to open my mouth to say something in response, but I realised that she was right. Why did I buy her one? I barely knew her and she barely knew me.

I gave her a wry smile. “It’s the least that I could do,” I replied. “You are feeling better though, right?”

She nodded lightly and returned the smile.

“Is it okay to ask what was bothering you earlier back in the airport?” I wondered, suddenly feeling guilty for trying to ask her something that could’ve been personal. I was so bad to talking to strangers. Meet and greets with fans while touring were the worst, because I had no idea what to say to them. All I could do was smile and answer the questions they had to ask.

She reached for the notepad and scrawled something down. Well—it was more like to use the pen to glide something across the printed lines. Watching it was almost therapeutic.

Um, yeah. I was supposed to meet a friend at the airport but their flight got delayed. I was really looking forward to see them after such a long time. It was pretty disappointing.

My fingers curled around the paper’s edge—a bitter reminder of Tori and I meeting after more than twenty years of knowing each other. It seemed like the world would do anything to make sure we don’t meet.

“I know how that feels,” I sighed. “My friend—best friend in fact—she was supposed to get me from the airport after my flight but then she texted me just when I had gotten out of the plane that something came up and she couldn’t get me. That was pretty disappointing too. I was really stoked to see her as well.”

Ella’s eyes flashed, locking with mine. Hers seemed sympathetic.

“I can’t blame her,” I continued. “She had to go because of her work, so I understand that. But I’ve been waiting for a long time to see her so it feels like we’re not supposed to meet or something. All this excitement and anticipation all gone to waste, you know?”

I handed her the notepad again and she wrote something again while I took a sip of my smoothie. The chill of it cooled down my dry throat and brought relief from the sun that was bearing down on us.

Ella put down the pen and I looked over to read what she had written. I’m sure your friend feels really bad about not being able to pick you up from the airport. From the sound of it, you guys seems very close and she must feel just as disappointed as you are. But you guys will meet soon. I know it.

Her words consoled me a bit, but it didn’t bring Tori here. “Thanks,” I smiled. “Anyway, that’s enough about me. How long have you known your friends?”

Almost all my life. Sometimes I’m surprised that we’re still friends after all this time. We’ve had our ups and downs—all friends do, don’t they? I’m thankful he hasn’t gotten bored of me yet.

I chuckled. “I get you. Sometimes I feel like she’s not meant to be my friend. Like she’s all artistic and kind and smart and then there’s me. Honestly, when I think of us together, I don’t think we don’t match. We’re different.”

I don’t think that differences should matter when it comes to friendship. When you guys are different, it makes the friendship more beautiful. Your best friend would still love you regardless.

I nodded once I read it. She was right. Though Tori and I were interested in different things, that didn’t make us love each other any less. It made me love her even more.

“I think you and my best friend—her name is Tori, by the way—would get along really well. That’s like something she would say,” I admitted.

She smiled again, her eyes looking out the window again. Her hand reached up to the gold chain around her neck and she twisted it around one of her slim fingers. As more of the chain twined around her finger, the pendant that was tucked under her shirt popped out. For someone like her, I would’ve thought that she would have something artistic like a small palette, with different jewels as the colours or something generic like a star, heart or flower. But instead of any of that, it was a guitar.

I suddenly reached out for it and her eyes widened.

Fuck, why did I do that? “I’m-I’m sorry,” I stammered, settling back in my seat. “That pendant. I thought it looked familiar.” But it couldn’t have been the same one I gave Tori. She might not even have kept it after all this time. And besides, I got her necklace in a store that had branches all over the country so she might’ve gotten it here.

She offered a caring smile. She didn’t need to write anything for me to know what she was saying. It’s okay.

Ella wrote something on the notepad again. Why don’t I buy you a muffin or something? You must be hungry from that flight. Sides, that way we’re even.

I nodded. “I’d like that.” She got up and went to line up for the counter and I buried my head in my hands. Why can’t I be normal? Ella had been nothing but kind to me and I was positive that all I’ve done was creep her out. But she didn’t find an excuse to get away from me, so I counted that as a blessing. I sighed, and took out my phone from my pocket, selecting the conversation me and Tori. When I couldn’t sleep at night, I would read over our old text messages, feeling the old memories resurface that would send me into a comfortable sleep.

I stared at the empty text box, not knowing what to write but I had to write something. I just wanted to see her, so badly. I didn’t want to wait for dinner. I’m done with waiting. So that’s what I typed.

I can’t wait to see you. Literally.

---

Ella had gotten me a slice of what perhaps was the best apple pie I had ever have while she had a grilled cheese sandwich. I couldn’t stay for long though because I had to head back to the Clarendon to get ready for dinner with Tori. I took a cold shower to wash off the sweat that clung to my body.

Tori had texted me back soon after I had sent mine. Neither can I. We’re still on for tonight, right?

Of course, I texted back. I’ll see you soon :D

The room I got at the Clarendon was comfy. It had a king sized bed, a small kitchen and dining space near the window that overlooked Phoenix and an entertainment set with a decent sized couch. The bathroom was clean too with a full sized shower box and a heated towel rack.

It was getting close to half past seven, the time we agreed to meet up, and I was still worrying about what I should wear. I knew Tori was the kind of person who wouldn’t care what I wore—if anything, she was okay with it because of all the Key Street and Love Before Glory shirts I’ve sent her—but I wanted to show her that street style wasn’t the only style that I had.

In the end, I chose a button down black shirt and jeans to go with it. My hair didn’t need much fixing since the spikes it had worked in my favour. As I was about to walk out of my room, my cell phone rang—Jaime.

“Hey,” I answered.

“Hey, loverboy,” Jaime said back. “How was your flight?”

“Now’s not a really good time,” I replied, locking the door to my hotel room.

“Did you meet up with Tori already?” he asked and I could hear the laugh in his voice. He knew of Tori when we met in high school and denied her existence until I showed him a picture of her that was attached to one of her letters.

“I’m on my way to see her now,” I told him as I hit the elevator button. “I’ll tell her that you said hi,” I added ruefully.

“She knows about me? About us?”

“Just you. I’ve never told her about Pierce the Veil,” I said, feeling ashamed for keeping a secret from her when she trusted me with all of hers. “I will tell her though.”

“Okay,” he sighed. “Hope it goes well. Anything you want to say to the guys back home?”

“Not really, just tell them I’m alright. I’ll catch you later.”

“Hope you get laid!” he laughed as I hung up.

I walked out of the elevator as it reached the ground floor and went over to the restaurant there which was decorated in lots of crystal chandeliers and dark, modern furniture. Over the clink of wine glasses and chatter, I heard the light music of a piano that was playing in the background.

I glanced at the time on my phone. 7:34pm. It was silly to nit-pick over someone who’s late by a few minutes. Tori could be over on her way now and just caught in traffic. I checked my messages to see if there was a text I had missed—even an email. But there was nothing, so I decided to send one.

Hey, I’m waiting for you outside the restaurant. You’re okay right?

I waited for a reply, sitting on one of the couches on the lobby thinking that I had a better chance of spotting her as she walked through the front doors. Her blonde, medium length hair and her stormy blue eyes. Her dimpled smile and heart shaped face. Her beautiful self. The thoughts I had at the airport of seeing her for the first time came back. Maybe my knees would give out as I stood face to face with her. Maybe I would run to her, trapping her in the tightest of hugs and never intending to let her go. Or maybe I would do what I wanted to do and feared most which was to kiss her, first on the forehead, then on the nose, saving her pink and tempting lips for last. I just wanted her. That’s all I wanted. Just her. To feel her in my arms. To have closure that my best friend in the whole world was real.

I was checking my phone every two minutes for any reply from her. Five minutes rolled onto ten, seventy-thirty rolled forward to eight. I sent her a couple of texts in between, none of them I got replies from. I even called her twice, only to be redirected to voicemail.

Calm down, Tony. She’s coming. She’s coming.

I began looking through old emails to pass the time and sometimes I had to bite back my lips to keep myself from laughing aloud at Tori’s wit. I saw one that was saved as a draft and incomplete, one that I was going to send when she turned twenty one.

‘October 21, 2007

Dear Tori,

Happy birthday to my best friend ever. May you have the best night ever filled with good company to help you celebrate your big night. I wish I was there with you in Arizona or that I could’ve contacted one of your friends there to arrange a surprise visit from me. I don’t think that would cut it as a good enough gift though. I’m just me and you should have way more than just a guy who plays in a crappy band with slim hopes of trying to make it big.’

This was back at the time when Jaime and I were still in our old band called Trigger My Nightmare. We had great ideas, but in the end, we didn’t work out so we decided to call it quits. It was about the same time where Mike and Vic had just released their first album and were looking for a guitarist and bassist, which is where we signed ourselves up. I never told Tori about Pierce the Veil.

‘We’ve known each other for a long time and I am thankful for every passing day of our friendship. You see the better side of me when I fail to see it in myself and you’ve always had my back when I needed you. I cannot express in words how thankful I am for you to have received that first letter back in elementary, back when things were ‘different’.’

My phone buzzed, saying that I had a text from Tori. Excitedly, I opened it.

But only to be disappointed once again.

Tony, I’m so so so so so sorry but I have to stay overtime at work. My boss is an idiot and my clients are so demanding. I really wanted to see you and I feel so bad for bailing on you twice in one day. I’m such a horrible friend and I’m so sorry. I’ve been waiting to meet you all this time and then something like this had to pop up. I get it if you don’t forgive me because I wouldn’t forgive myself either if I were you. I feel like shit. The best day I was looking forward to turns out to be one of the worst. I’m so sorry. It’s all my fault.

I sighed, pushing a hand through my hair. I wanted to throw my phone onto the ground, watching the screen crack into millions of pieces. It seemed like the world wanted to anything in its power to separate us. Maybe we weren’t meant to be. We didn’t match.

I took a while to type up a response. I was so mad and angry. Today was supposed to be perfect but life had to mess things up. I got up from the chair I was on and waiting for an elevator, pushing the button hard and impatiently.

Dammit. It’s not your fault, Tori. You can’t help it. I’m here for as long as I want to be. This got off to a bad start but I know it’ll all work out. I promised that I would meet you and I will. I don’t break promises, especially the ones I make to my best friend. It’s okay. We’ll be okay.

Once I got back to my suite, I shut the door a little too loudly. I changed my shirt, suddenly feeling like I was suffocating. I panted heavily and was still frustrated. I went over to the fridge which, thankfully, was already stocked with some beer. I took one out and opened the bottle, taking a gulp.

‘I know our friendship isn’t perfect—mostly due to me—but it’s one of the best things that I have. Sometimes it’s the only thing I have. Without you, I’m not me. It sounds crazy but you’re such a big part of my life that to think of one without you is unbearable. It would break me. Though there are times where I’ve selfishly and foolishly tried to push you away, I can’t let you go. Don’t ever take me seriously when I try to tell you that we’re not meant to be friends or when I say that I don’t want to be your friend because they’re all lies. If I had to forget everyone in the world and keep the memories of only one, it would be you. It will always be you.’

My screen lit up again, showing the message icon from Tori. I promise that I will make it up to you. You came all the way here just to see me and I blew it. I’m the worst best friend ever and I’m sorry.

Don’t worry about it. And you’re not a bad friend. Our timing is just unlucky but we’ll get there. Take care of yourself tonight, okay? There’s always tomorrow, I replied, pressing the send button.

‘I’ve written this letter a thousand times in my head and I never know what to say when I get to this part.

But I do now.

I love you, Tori.

I’ve loved you since, holy shit, I don’t know. I don’t remember. It could’ve been back when you told me you were going to prom with Jerry or whatshisname and when you were tell me about him I just felt jealous because he didn’t know you like I did. I should’ve been the one who took you there. And when he didn’t take you, I was so angry that someone was stupid enough to break your heart and that I couldn’t do anything to help you. I wasn’t there to wipe your tears or make sure there weren’t going to be any to begin with. He hurt you and that was something unforgivable. I would never try to hurt you like that because if I did, I wouldn’t be able to forgive myself.’

That’s where I had ended the letter. What if I did tell her then? We would have most likely be able to meet much sooner or then again, maybe not at all. I loved Tori—so much that it kept me up at night despite the miles away from home, the time difference, the jet lag and overall exhaustion of playing all night on tours. Yet she was just something I couldn’t have. And maybe never have.

I threw the half empty beer bottle against the kitchen wall, seeing the shattered pieces fly across the room on impact with the wall. I was supposed to be with Tori. I was supposed to be having dinner with her. I was supposed to tell her that I loved her. It was supposed to be me and her.

I stood up and went to pick up the shards of broken glass—until the cold lick of a sharp edge met my thumb. I dropped the other pieces and took a paper towel and compressed it to stop the blood flowing, even though my thumb wasn’t the only thing that was bleeding.

Notes

I'm baaaaack :) I missed you guys! thank you so much for giving Claire love with the chapters she was writing. I think we owe her a round of applause, don't you?



Anyway, thank you for your lovely and motivating comments because it really keeps us going :D don't be scared to write one because we love reading them and like I said, they're really motivating. We also love new subscribers and votes as much as our current ones.

Love, Precious xx

ps: this chapter may have made you sad so here is a picture of fetus Tony to make you better