Change The World

Time was weird. The way it passed amazed me. Months would go by and it would feel like days. Twelve years ago I would have called it a haze from depression. Now, it was just a fact. We were older now, so one year was a lot shorter in comparison to the rest of our lives.

The summer at the studio in Long Island flew by. I spent five months out there isolated with our producer—the album still wasn't finished but we had made progress. The environment was weird and unfamiliar, graveyards and abandoned towns surrounding us, which made me a bit uneasy. It was a cool mood, though. We got a lot of good quality stuff done. But after the half year point of being out there alone, we knew we had to step back again. My mental health was starting to slip so I had to say that enough was enough before it got bad. I had to know my limit—I knew it and I nearly pushed it. I realized that life wasn’t about being happy all of the time, though. I realized that it was a constant ebb and flow—a process of keeping yourself in check even in the bad days.

Like promised, Alyssa and I FactTimed often. I wasn’t sure I would have been able to stay out there for as long if it wasn’t for her support. She also assured me that the other guys—who were planning the set up and set list for the upcoming tours—were doing okay. I didn’t have time to talk to everyone all of the time. We needed to get this album done perfectly and the other guys knew it. Normally I liked to be involved with the stage and set list planning, but the other guys assured that they were handling it. The new album had to be my top priority.

Even though it wasn’t finished yet, I knew we were almost there. I couldn’t rush it and I needed a break. I forgot how important human interaction was because once I reunited with everyone, my mood spiked positively. Human interaction was very important for the check and balancing system of my mood.

Months were flying by—it was a busy time for us as a band again. Finally. I was just happy that time was passing quickly but in a normal way, not in a hazy, irregular, negative way.

We had already played a couple weeks of shows and that was really, truly what I needed. I needed to see fans. I needed to do what I loved. I needed to tour and move around and play live shows. I couldn’t be cooped up in a studio for nearly six months ever again. I couldn’t let myself do that.

But now it was the New Year. We were home for the holidays and ready to celebrate. Alyssa and I each held a bottle of champagne in our grasps with our arms linked. Things were really great, now. I was back with her, we were back with the band, and I knew when it was time, the album would be out. I was so happy.

I couldn’t imagine anything bringing me down. But I also knew that I was so high it was bound to happen—a low. I couldn’t let myself get too caught up in it, though. For the first time in a year, if one bad thing happened, my day wasn’t ruined. I was still hopeful. The meds were working. Life was working again. Ebb and flow.

I leaned into Alyssa, our foreheads connected. Her lips were painted with red and her eyes shined through her smile. “Love of my life,” I murmured. She giggled and kissed me gently. I turned my head instinctively at the sight of a flash in my peripheral, spotting Adam Elmakias, our tour photographer and good buddy, with his camera.

“Caught you two in a moment,” he said with a thumbs up, turning the camera around to show us the pic. The smiling moment right before our kiss.

“Aw, we’re too cute,” Alyssa cooed. Adam laughed and wandered off, snapping photos of everyone at the party.

“We’re going to have an incredible year, Lissy,” I said excitedly. “I can feel it.”

“Me too,” she grinned. “When does it start?” she turned her head to the side to look at the time on her phone. “Six minutes!”

I grabbed her hand and pulled her to the wall of the party room, so we could be together but also easily with the rest of our friends when the year turned. I pressed her against the wall gently and kissed her.

She giggled in between kisses. “Ending the year and starting the new one off right.”

Notes

fiLLERRRRRR AF
shor t and filler

ebb and flow guys that's all it is. ebb and flow. gotta remember that. trying to remember that
ily