Change The World

I was released two days later and we all laid low for the next few weeks. I was re-introduced to Mike’s girlfriend, Alysha, and he spent a lot of time with her. She was beautiful and definitely seemed like a nice girl. They looked like they were very compatible and I was happy for Mike to be settling down a little. It made me laugh that our girls had similar names—Alyssa and Alysha.

I spent a lot of much needed quality time with Alyssa. I didn’t feel off-balanced or anything, the new combination of meds doing the trick. Tony and I were on better terms now, too. The only thing I felt off about was our jobs—I was starting to get a little stressed about the new album. We had to start recording soon but I didn’t know when would be a good time to start that. All of twitter and tumblr and facebook, fans were sending us messages, asking about the album’s release date. We had said before the year had turned that it would come out early 2014, but now here we were, spring on the horizon, and no album even remotely ready to be released. We still had so much work to do.

On top of that, we had tours planned already, too. It was a world tour with our buddies in Sleeping With Sirens. That was due to kick off in November. There was no way I could finish an album before that. It just wasn’t ready. It wasn’t perfect.

“You’re not getting yourself worked up about the album again, are you?” Alyssa asked, brushed her fingers through my hair. I sighed and titled my head on her shoulder.

“I am a little,” I admitted. We were sitting outside—it was a beautiful day—and everyone was just chilling. Mike and his girlfriend were smoking on the other side of the pool, Jaime was splashing around with his girlfriend, and Alyssa and I had our feet in the water. Tony was going to a doctor’s appointment with his mom. “I could really use an ice cold beer right now,” I added with a sigh.

“No drinking, mister,” she nudged me.

“I know,” I groaned. “What about smoking?” I asked, half as a joke but maybe a little serious.

“Shut up, Vic, you don’t smoke,” she said with a laugh.

“Yeah, I know,” I chuckled. I sighed again. “It’ll be fine. The album will be perfect when it’s ready to be. We’ll play awesome shows and eventually get it out and—ugh, we’re going to have to change the set and make it really fucking good and different to make up for the fact that we aren’t playing different songs—”

“Ay, Vic! Shut the hell up!” Mike called from across the way. I smiled sheepishly at him and slid into the water. It was cool but it calmed me down a little. I turned and opened my arms for Alyssa.

She giggled. “Stop worrying. The other guys will handle it while you focus on yourself and your writing and recording.”

I nodded. “C’mereeee.” She laughed again and slipped into the water, into my arms.

“When I was little I liked to pretend that I was a mermaid,” she said, thoughtfully twirling her pointer finger on the surface of the water.

“That sounds fun,” I commented. She nodded and smiled wistfully at the water.

We swayed around in the water for a bit, but the sun was low enough behind some palm trees and the fence that it was casting shadows on the pool, giving us the chills. Mike and Alysha were asleep on a lawn chair together. Jaime and Jessica had gone home. Alyssa and I decided to go inside after drying off.

“Let’s watch tarzan!” she suggested excitedly while sifting through the Disney movies on Netflix.

I laughed. “Switching it up?”

“Yup.”

“Want some pop-corn?” I asked. She nodded. “Okay, be right back,” I said. I turned back and glanced at her: she was curled up already under the covers, lying on her side with my laptop open to Tarzan next to her. She was so cute.

As I waited for the popcorn to finish in the microwave, I scrolled through my phone. I frowned as I read some of my twitter mentions. What caught my attention was the amount of fans that were asking me if I was okay. I tentatively logged into the Pierce the Veil tumblr, because I knew this was where the majority of fans talked and theorized. I bit my lip and scrolled through my tag. I honestly didn’t expect anything—I expected to realize that I was being dumb and over thinking things again.

Fans were talking all over the place. People made posts about me and the other guys. Debating about where we were. Where we had gone. More specifically to me: if I was okay. People literally talked about parts of my past that I didn’t even know they knew about. I should have known. They were able to find my old highschool yearbook pictures, of course they’d be able to find out about other things—like the public record of my death, for one. Of course it was revoked, but it was still a thing that had happened. I was in the newspapers. So was Mike. It was something people occasionally questioned but luckily most fans knew not to go there. Obviously it was never official—both Mike and I were still alive and kicking—but still. It was something that some fans knew about and talked about. I wasn’t mad at them for it, knowing that curiosity and concern were their motivations. It wasn’t like they were trying to out me.

But I was still worried. I couldn’t have them talk like this. We just have been inactive with the band—but we were still here. They were starting to cross over a line that I didn’t want them anywhere near.

I opened instagram—it has been months since I’ve last put up a picture. I typically didn’t post pictures with girls in my life, but Alyssa was an exception to that rule. She was different than any of those other girls I used to be friends with. I put up a selfie of me and her by the pool from earlier and typed a caption: “Hey guys! Sorry for disappearing on ya the past few months! We’re all good here, just needed to unwind a bit. See ya all real soon!!” I added a few heart emoticons and a goofy smiley face and then uploaded the picture. Just as I did, the microwave beeped once—reminding me that the popcorn has been ready for a few minutes and it was time to open the door to take it out.

I grabbed the popcorn and hurried back to my room. Alyssa was still in the same position, but on her phone. The movie was paused at the opening credits. I slid in behind her.

“Hi.”

“Hey, what’s this all about?” she asked, holding up her phone to show me the instagram I had just posted.

“Oh, fans were asking questions. Figured I’d put something out there before they go all crazy and make me crazy, too,” I said easily. “I hope that’s okay.”

She put her phone down and turned a little, smiling up at me. “As long as everything’s okay. The pic is adorbs,” she grinned. I smiled back and leaned down, kissing the edge of her mouth because I couldn’t quite reach her lips fully.

“Alright, movie time,” I said. She turned again and clicked the spacebar to play the movie and I settled in behind her.

“Wow, old Disney was so morbid,” she breathed. “I can’t believe they showed the dead bodies of the parents!” she exclaimed. We had just passed the scene where the cheetah kills Tarzan’s parents and the mama ape finds Tarzan in the bungalow.

“Yeah that’s pretty horrific,” I said. It was easily missed by someone not paying attention or by little kids, but they clearly showed the bodies of Tarzan’s mom and dad. It was kind of surprising. Alyssa was chanting the entire scene before, “they’re not going to show the dead parents, right? They’ll just heavily imply that they died. I can’t imagine Disney would do that. But they showed the cheetah eating the baby gorilla whole. Yikes. Ugh, don't show it, don’t show it, don’t show it…”

She was a character for sure, making commentary the entire movie. “So, what, did the elephant just kind of leave its family and now chills with gorillas?” She laughed. “The rest of the elephants stampeded away when Tantor was a little elephant but now he’s grown up and still there,” she giggled.

“I love that you notice these things,” I laughed. “But you bring up a good point.”

She nodded. The rest of the movie continued, with Alyssa making funny comments and me laughing in her hair. At one point, it looked like she was going to cry. I didn’t blame her; Disney movies had that effect.

“Vic?” she turned around once the movie had ended, rolling over to face me. I raised an expectant and wondering eyebrow at her. “Can I stay here tonight?”

I smiled. “Of course, Lissy.” We haven’t had a sleepover since the events of a few weeks ago, even though we were together a lot. “As long as it’s okay with Tony,” I added, half-teasingly.

She rolled her eyes. “He’s not my father,” she said. She looked a little sad all of a sudden but the look quickly vanished.

“Well, yay, I want you to stay,” I said, cuddling her closer. “What do you want for dinner?” I asked. It was still pretty early in the night.

She hummed. “I dunno. I don’t really wanna move to be honest,” she said, squeezing her arms around me. She tucked her head into my neck.

I chuckled. “You’re especially cuddly today, babe,” I observed.

“I know. I’m going to miss you when you guys go off to Long Island to record.”

I frowned and petted her hair. “That’s not for a little while. But I’ll miss you too. We can FaceTime all the time!”

“It’s not the same,” she said, her words muffled with her mouth at my shoulder.

“I know,” I mumbled.

“And you’ll take care of yourself out there?” she asked quietly, looking up at my face. I nodded. “Because I know what you have to do will take longer than what Mike, Tony, and Jaime have to do. I know you’ll be out there for a long time,” she added.

“I’m sure it won’t be too much longer. I just have to make sure it’s all finalized and that the lyrics and sounds are perfect. But I’ll be with our producer. Dan Korneff. You know him, he’s great. We’ll be fine. I’ll be fine. I promise,” I assured.

“Okay,” she murmured, snuggling closer to me again.

“C’mon, let’s do something fun until then,” I suggested, kissing her head.

“Like what?”

“I know Himes wants to hit up Disney sometime soon,” I offered. Alyssa jumped up excitedly.

“Yes! Yes yes yes we have to go!” she cheered, smiling ear to ear. Her eyes were so bright and happy.

I sat up with her and grinned. “Let’s plan a day! Sometime soon.”

“Tomorrow,” she giggled.

I laughed and leaned over to the side table and swiped up my phone. I pulled up a new iMessage with Jaime. “Double date at Disney mañana?”

He replied quickly with an overwhelming yes, of course.

Alyssa was giddy with excitement. “It’s been years since I’ve gone to Disney. I’m so excited. Vic, let’s go to my house so I can get my Minnie Mouse ears!” she jumped towards me and linked her arms around my neck. I held my hands on her hips. She relaxed in my lap. “And I have to check on mama, anyways. Then we can come back here. Or we can stay there. Doesn’t matter,” she said, gazing off to the side. I ran my fingers through her hair. She brought her face back to me, a hyper cuteness taking over her features. “Like old times,” she kissed my cheek.

“Sure, whatever you’d like angel,” I chuckled.

We refreshed ourselves a bit and then left my room. Mike and Alysha were in the kitchen, fishing around for a snack. I told him that there were gummy bears behind the cheerio box because I knew that was his favorite snack to eat while high. He gave me a head nod and a thumbs up.

“Thanks brotha. Where are you two lovebirds going?” he chimed.

I rolled my eyes. “Her house. Check on mom and stuff,” I said while grabbing my hat, wallet, and keys from the counter.

“I say hi,” he said before turning back to Alysha. “Babe, catch,” he started to toss gummy bears at her.

Alyssa and I laughed and I grabbed her hand on our way out.

“How’s she been doing?” I asked while we drove to her house. I felt bad for not asking the question as much. I knew her health was deteriorating and we were all trying to not think about it. But Mrs. Perry was old and she’d need more than just an occasional check up. She’d need full time care. More than just a live in nurse. She’d need her family—she’d need us. And I was afraid she wasn’t going to hang on for that much longer. It wasn’t like she was dying or anything right now, but she was old and fragile and things could go badly very quick.

“She’s okay! She has trouble with stairs but luckily she doesn’t need to use them because her room is downstairs. And I really need to cook for her more because her hands are so bad. I’m afraid she’s going to burn herself,” she explained. I nodded along, grimacing.

“Well, it’s still pretty early. Let’s go to the store real quick and pick up stuff to make dinner, and then we can play a game of Apples to Apples like old times,”
I suggested.

“That’s a good idea, Vic. Thank you,” she said softly. I reached across the consol to hold her hand.

So we did just that. We picked up stuff to make a nice salad along with lemon seasoned grilled chicken. Something light and healthy for all of us instead of just pizza like usual.

I felt horrible because Mrs. Perry seemed so happy in our company. Tony came over too for a bit to join in on family game night—like old times. I needed to do better and visit more often, especially before things picked up for the band again.

Alyssa leaned into me while we played Apples to Apples. Tony helped his mom with her cards because her hands were shaking badly. I tried not to stare and worry, though. “Psst, Vic,” she whispered.

“Yeah?” I whispered back. I leaned closer to her and tried to glance at her cards.

She giggled and nudged me away. “As if!” She placed her cards down in her lap. “Remember the first time we played this?” I nodded. “I had a massive crush on you,” she giggled.

I grinned and poked her side. “Alyssa! It was the first time you met me!” I laughed.

“Hey, I already liked you for befriending Tony. Plus Tony’s never really brought home a hot friend before so I was swooning a bit,” she continued to giggle while biting her lip.

I mockingly rolled my eyes but then leaned over and kissed her cheek. “Well, for what it’s worth, I thought you were a spunky adorable girl. And beautiful of course” She beamed up at me happily. God, I loved this girl with all of my heart.

“Ay, you two love birds going to stop batting your eyelashes at each other or are you going to put in a card? It’s mama’s turn to be the judge,” Tony teased. We all laughed and returned to the game.

Mrs. Perry ended up winning the game. She was so happy—we all were. It was like old times. But it didn’t feel forced or heavy with nostalgia. It was nice. We were back in that good place. Good things always cycle back. I truly believed that—I had no choice but to believe that.

But it was getting late and Mrs. Perry was tired. Tony was on his way out again so he helped her to sleep. We said goodnight to them and Alyssa dragged my hand the other direction.

“Can we stay here?” she asked in a shy murmur. I nodded. We continued away from Mrs. Perry’s room, down the hallway, past the living room, and up the stairs.

“Hasn’t changed a bit,” I said when we got to her room. The last times we were in here I didn’t really look around because I was so focused on her. But I could see that everything was the same as years before. It didn’t make me feel sad or hurt or heavy. It made me feel happy because we were back.

I sighed in relief when we laid down on her bed together. I held onto her like I always used to, like she was a teddy bear.

“You never have to do calculus again,” I mumbled into her shoulder. She laughed.

“Thank God!”

“I was the best teacher ever.”

“You were. Thank you. I enjoyed our study sessions in here,” she said, adjusting so one of her arms was free to dangle over me. She ran her fingers up my arm and rested them on my neck, absentmindedly tickling my skin. I hummed contently and leaned in to kiss her.

“I enjoyed our study sessions in here, too,” I said against her mouth.

“Even the bad memories in this room, you made them happier and better. I still have that sweatshirt you let me keep from that one time. I love you.”

I smiled softly. “You do?” She nodded. “And I love you too.” I kissed her again. I kissed her again and again. I couldn’t get enough of her lips. Of her.

“I love being home,” she said quietly.

“Me too,” I whispered.

She pulled her other arm free and linked them around my neck tightly, so she was very close. She wrapped one of her legs around mine and pushed so I rolled over and she was laying on top of me. She pulled her arms free again and rested her hands by my face, running her fingertips across my cheeks repeatedly.

She ducked her head so it was buried in my neck. She seemed shy for some reason. She kissed my skin there and then sighed. I held my hands tentatively over her waist. “Vic,” she said into my neck.

“Yeah, baby?”

“I love you.”

“I love you too.”

“Sh-show me?”

I raised my eyebrow a little. Of course I wanted Alyssa in that way—I just didn’t realize she was ready for that. After what she went through in New York and after what I did, even though we were past that—I didn’t realize she was ready so I never brought it up. I wanted to respect her space. But she clutched onto me tightly and repeated my name shyly into my neck again.

I secured my hands on her waist and pushed up to roll us over. She laid on her back and I gently hovered over her so I could look her more in the eyes—so she didn’t hide in my hair. “You want to?”

“Of course I do,” she said, shyly looking to the side. My elbows still propping me up, I brushed my thumb across her cheek and carefully tilted her face to look at mine.

“But are you ready to?” I clarified, soothingly caressing her cheek.

“I need to,” she whispered. I could feel her pulse under her jaw. It was beating fast.

“You don’t have to feel pressured into it, or that you need to, baby,” I said softly. I could now feel her heart beating against my chest.

“I know. I just want to be yours again. I want us to be each other’s again,” she explained.

“We are—”

“You know what I mean, Vic,” she mumbled. I nodded and breathed out. I leaned back and sat up on my knees. She scooted back a little so she could sit up, too. “Please,” she said quietly.

I leaned in and kissed her. I lifted my hand and rested my palm on her jaw. She kissed me back hard. I lifted my other hand so I could hold her head between my hands and keep us in control for now. She was breathing heavily. I didn’t want her to get too worked up.

“If you get uncomfortable or scared or change your mind at all, please tell me and we’ll stop, okay?” I said lowly in between our kissing. She nodded breathlessly.

Her hands skated up my chest and then down to the hem of my shirt. She slowly bunched it up, gliding her fingertips across my skin. I helped her take my shirt off the rest of the way. Then, she wrapped her arms around my neck and leaned up into me, sighing.

“I’m afraid,” she admitted in a small voice.

“It’s okay, baby,” I said softly. I ran my fingers through her hair. “You’re safe now. I’ve got you. But we don’t have to do this right now.”

She shook her head. “I’m afraid to take my shirt off.”

I pulled away and looked at her with confusion. “You’re beautiful.”

“But—”

I shook my head to cut her off from her dangerous line of thinking. “No. You’re still beautiful to me.”

“You love me.”

“Yes, Alyssa. So, so, so much. And I’ll love you forever,” I assured. She nodded and kissed my lips.

“I trust you,” she murmured. “Okay." She leaned back. "Okay.” She pulled her arms away, going to the hem of her shirt. I could see her fingers shaking but I let her do it. If she couldn’t do it, we would stop there. But I let her try.

She bit her lip and swooped her shirt over her head, tossing it to the side. I waited for her to make the next move. But I stared at her lovingly. The sight of the disturbing scars littering her skin didn’t disgust me. She was still Alyssa, my beautiful Alyssa. And she was whole now. Broken before, but the scars were healed. She was on her way to being healed. The story behind the scars on her skin, though, haunted me enough to turn me off a little bit, but I had to move past that. She was still desirable, no matter what. It was just the thought of someone else touching her—hurting her—that made my teeth grit.

I realized I was accidently expressing this. Alyssa held her hand on my jaw so I relaxed it out of its tight position. “Sorry,” I mumbled.

“It’s okay. I expected that. You looked angry. Not disgusted. So that’s good. It’s okay.”

“Oh, Alyssa,” I breathed and kissed her. “Never disgusted by you.”

We were okay. That was the barrier we had to break. But after that point—we were okay. She kissed me back again and this time we let ourselves lose a little control, but together. Always in synch, always a little careful, always with love. Because we were okay now. We were each other’s.

Notes

Yay
Long chapter
2 week update (not bad, not bad)
Positivity
Happy
good
yes