I didn’t really know what to say. I was afraid to speak, to push her too far. I wanted to help her, but I didn’t know how unless I knew what was going on with her.

Instead of speaking, I nodded and kissed the side of her head again, while also brushing my fingers down the back of her hair. I soothingly hushed in her ear until I felt her body calming down. It was like I was holding a porcelain doll, a fragile piece of glass in my grasp. I savored the feeling but also treaded carefully, not wanting to do anything that would make her push me away.

When Alyssa’s cries dwindled down to sniffles, I finally spoke. “What can I do, baby?” I murmured. She shook her head and nuzzled her head into my neck. I bit on my lip and closed my eyes. “Please help me out here,” I encouraged, my voice stressed. “This can’t keep happening,” I murmured. I pulled her away from me and cupped her cheek into my hand, getting her to look me in the eyes. Hers darted around, avoiding contact. “Lyssa,” I mumbled, tilting my head in another effort to lock eyes with hers.

Shyly, her head picked up and she bit on her lip. “I’m sorry,” she mumbled, her eyes still down.

“Look at me,” I said quietly. She swallowed and her eyes rose timidly, as if she was afraid to look at me. “Are you scared of me?” I asked worriedly. At this, she abruptly shook her head, clutching on to me tighter. I gasped a little at her sudden movement but relaxed quickly, tracing my fingers down her back in an attempt to soothe her.

“I’m scared of…” she trailed off. I bit on my lip, frustration growing within me but she was clearly too fragile for me to express that. I let out a small, dissatisfied sigh. She shook her head a little and whimpered. “I’m scared of the way you’ll see me.”

I furrowed my eyebrows. “Baby, I’ll always see you in the same way. You’re my angel, you’re perfect,” I murmured sweetly, kissing the side of her head.

“Vic,” she whined. “I’m not. I’m dirty,” she whispered.

“Dirty?” I furrowed my eyebrows again. “No, you’re not—”

“Yeah, I am. I… I—I—” she stopped talking and started to gasp. Her breaths got heavier and her chest rose and fell drastically.

“Alyssa,” I breathed. “Calm down... It’s okay, I’ve got you, I promise. Whatever it is, don’t worry about it, I’m always here for you,” I cooed.

“You weren’t!” she yelled. She slammed her palms into my chest weakly. “You let me be. You let me go—”

“We’ve been over this before, Alyssa. I thought we were past this!” I groaned.

“You let me be. You let me be a slut.”

“A slut? Alyssa, jesus.”

“A slut,” she growled. She leaned forward and pushed me backwards, so I was laying on her bed with her on top of me.

“Alyssa—”

“This isn’t your fault, Vic,” she continued. “I’ve disgusted you. I failed you. You deserve better. Forget that, it’s not your fault that I’m a slut. You didn’t do that. It was better you stayed away,” she rambled.

“Alyssa, what the fuck are you talking about?” I asked breathlessly. She shifted on top of me so her legs were comfortably straddling my waist. She rested her hands on my chest, my heart that was beating fast.

“I was stuck. I’m still stuck. You have no idea—”

“Please, please give me an idea. Let me in,” I begged softly. Alyssa leaned over, so her face was hovering inches above mine. Her eyes were glistening. There was something in there that scared me.

She closed her eyes and took a breath, then she leaned up again. With another deep breath she gripped the bottom of her t-shirt with her hands, her wrists crossed. Her eyes closed tighter and then in a shaky motion she lifted her arms, taking the fabric with her. My mouth gaped slightly as she took her shirt off from on top of me, but I didn’t let any words of surprise or question come out because I knew Alyssa, she had a purpose, she always had a purpose.

She tossed her shirt to the side and all I continued to see was how beautiful she was. But I stared at her face, looking for a sign. Her eyes were closed, I couldn’t see much except her mouth, which was in a tense line. Her hands lifted from my chest and found my own hands. She picked them up, her hands gentle and small, and then she placed them on her hips. She patted my hands and I followed her silent instructions, flattening my hands out on her skin. “Feel,” she muttered. Furrowing my eyebrows, I carefully moved my hands across her skin. My heart jumped in my chest almost painfully.

“Alyssa, what?” I breathed, as I felt the bumps and ridges on her precious skin. She leaned over and flicked on a light, placing one hand over my face so I couldn’t see. I felt her shift up again and pull me up with her, so we were sitting facing each other but her legs wrapped loosely around my waist, intertwined in the way I loved most. She dropped her hand.

“Look,” she whispered as her fingers dragged down my lips. My eyes gazed down on her body, my heart immediately crumbled into pieces. My shoulders sunk and my eyes burned.

“I wasn’t there for you,” I choked out, tracing my fingers over the nasty scars that littered her body. My face tensed up. “Who did this to you?” I growled. She just shook her head and I softened my expression. “Was this… was this you?” I asked carefully. She shook her head.

“But it might as well been. I let it happen,” she muttered.

“No, baby, no,” I shook my head. “It’s not your fault, whatever it is; it’s not your fault whatsoever.” Tears burned in my eyes and I tried my best to keep them from falling but they did anyway.

“Don’t cry over me,” she muttered, touching my face.

I bit on my lip and leaned closer to her, running my fingers through her hair. “Who did this Lissy?”

“You wouldn’t know,” she shook her head.

“It doesn’t matter. Just talk to me. Let me get you out,” I encouraged gently. She just shook her head again, and I could tell even in the dark that her face lacked color. Her mouth was turned into a frown and all I wanted was for her to smile—and really mean it. I peppered sweet kisses across her cheek, to show her I cared about her and still adored the shit out of her even though something was… wrong.

She sniffed a little and as I continued to kiss her skin she started to giggle. I smiled against her cheek. “I love you,” I murmured. “No matter what, okay?”

She sniffed again and nodded, wrapping her arms tightly around my neck, her fingers tangling in my hair.

She gave me a small smile. “I love you too.”

Notes

Ay look an update
This has just been sitting on my computer for a month and I was going to change it and add to it and stuff but I was just like ehh whatever. Not really sure where I"m going with this story anymore tbh… I used to know but I don't anymore :(
please message me guys :)

Love you all and thanks for your patience!