I Never Meant To Be Your Pain

I sat at the front desk, with my head resting on the cool glass and my limbs dangling on either side of me. My head was killing me and I felt like my stomach was eating itself. Jace walked in laughing.
“A little hung over, my friend?” He took the seat next to me and crossed off his last appointment.
“Holy shit, I feel like my head is going to explode,” I said, keeping my eyes closed.
“Welcome to adult hood, little one.” I nodded as he picked up a magazine. “You know your brother’s kinda pissed at you.” I picked up my head and squinted at him.
“What do you mean?”
“About last night… Don’t you remember?”
“I remember getting fucked up off some pills,” I muttered. He nodded. “So that’s why he’s been ignoring me? He’s mad about that? What the hell. I can’t control that! Someone slipped that shit into my drink. Does he think I wanted that to happen?” my headache was slowly fading as anger ran through my blood.
“Well anything could’ve happened to you. He just wants to keep you safe.”
“It’s not like I wanted anything to happen to me either, but Tony said he was with me all night.”
“There was a small period of time between you leaving Tony to use the bathroom and you going back to him freaking out.”
“Exactly: A small period of time. Does he think I got raped in a two minute time span?” I rolled my eyes. Gabriel walked into the room. I turned in my chair and glared. “What the hell Gabe? Really? You’re pissed because some asshole slipped pills into my drink?”
“Can we not talk about this?” he walked over to the front window and shut off the open sign.
“No. We’re talking about it. We’re talking about it because that’s a shitty reason to be mad at me for.”
“Well I’m sorry that I care about you, Ava!”
“I get that you care about me, but you’re mad at me for something that someone else did?” I stood up and kept my eyes on him. He sorted out some magazines and looked up to me.
“What?”
“Really?” I rose an eyebrow.
“Okay, I’m sorry. Is that what you want to hear?”
“You know nothing happened to me last night, so why are you pissed? Tony told you himself that nothing happened. You don’t believe him?” I put my hands on my hips.
“You know what, Ava? Do you really wanna know why I’m mad? Huh? I’m upset because this could start you back into drugs again! You’ve made so much progress, and this could break everything. That feeling you had last night, you liked it. That’s why drugs do to you!” He clenched his fist as tears stung my eyes.
“You really think I’m that weak!” I shouted, sounding more hurt than I was angry. “You think I like not knowing who the fuck is touching me! Tony took off my fucking clothes last night and I thought someone was trying to rape me! Do you think I take drugs to get that feeling?” I screamed. “Something so small isn’t going to make a bit of a difference, Gabe! So what if I got back into drugs? It’s not like I let down the whole universe! But I let you down, and you’re ashamed to say that your sister was a drug addict. How do you think I feel? Do you think I like being addicted to drugs?” Jace grabbed my arm trying to calm me. Tears rolled down my cheeks.
“I’m not ashamed of you, but I don’t want you continuously getting messed up on pills or whatever you do! I know you haven’t stopped, Ava. I’m not stupid! Last night just helps feed your constant need for them. Do you even know what happens half the time when you’re fucked up on those things? You could’ve slept with the whole town for all you know!” My stomach twisted in knots.
“Gabe, that’s a bit harsh,” Jace muttered.
“Are you fucking kidding me right now?” I screamed. I stood there speechless. “I guess I’m just a little slut then,” I whispered, not holding back my tears anymore. They soaked into my shirt as Gabe sighed.
“You know that’s not what I mean, Avery.”
“Well it sure sounded that way.” I grabbed my jacket off the back of my chair and slid into it, walking to the door. Gabe grabbed my arm, but I shrugged him off. “Don’t even try.” The door opened and I found myself staring into Tony’s eyes, which were now filled with worry.
“What happened?” he asked, looking between Gabe and Jace.
“Watch out, Tony. I just might sleep with you too,” I growled. He rose his eyebrows.
“Okay what am I missing?”
“That’s not what I meant!” Gabe shouted, throwing his hands up in the air.
“Fuck off, I’m not talking to you!” I yelled, glaring at him.
“I’m not trying to argue with you, I’m trying to help you.”
“Are you helping me to commit suicide? I really don’t appreciate being called a slut, especially from my own brother!”
“Guys!” Jace yelled, trying to stop the argument. I looked up to Tony.
“Why don’t you go wait in my car,” he mumbled. I wiped the tears from under my eye and pushed past him, happy to be leaving. I opened the passenger door and sat in Tony’s car, looking down at my feet. Did my brother really think that about me? I felt the warm tears making their way back down my face. I laid my head against the window and looked up at the stars. I couldn’t help that I got into drugs, and I couldn’t help that I was addicted to them. It’s not necessarily something you can just stop because you want to. I put my feet up against the dashboard and pushed my knees into my chest. I rest my head on my knees and looked at the little trinkets hanging from Tony’s rearview mirror. I laughed at the mini light saber light up toy that Vic had gotten him last Christmas. Vic and I had been late night shopping for sweets at a Walmart in Austin Texas after a show. The guys were too tired to go out with us, so we went alone and found the little toy that Tony now kept in his car. Next to it was a tiny keychain statue of Obi Wan Kenobi that I had picked up for him while vacationing in Europe. I sighed and followed Tony with my eyes while he walked around the front of the car. He took his spot in the driver’s seat, staying silent for a while. He reached over and gently rubbed little circles over my back.
“Do you want to come home with me?” I frowned.
“I’m sorry Tone.”
“For what?”
“You’re all dressed up… we were supposed to go out to dinner tonight. Do you still want to go?” he chuckled.
“Ave, you’re upset. I don’t want to take you out. I want to take you home and make you feel better.” I smiled.
“I’m too tired to protest. I’ll take your bed over a restaurant booth.” He chuckled and leaned over to kiss my forehead.
“Then let’s get you home, beautiful.”

Notes

I'm SO SO SO sorry for not updating in a month or two. Life get's in the way of everything it shouldn't and so does writers block. Updates won't be fast or daily, but I definitely wont be taking a month in between updates. So please stick with me; the show will go on! <3 :)
~BMTT