Our home.

Those words repeated in my head and I began to breathe heavily again.

“Oh god,” I muttered, clutching my head in my hands, pushing Tony’s away. “What’s happening to me?” I panted as I crouched down, bringing my knees to my chest as I closed my eyes and tried to focus on my breathing.

“Rori, hey, it’s okay,” Tony cooed softly, his voice close enough to tell me he was crouched down in front of me.

I shook my head back and forth, causing the throbbing to intensify. “I don’t remember this; I don’t remember how I got here.” I cried quietly.

“Rori, look at me.” Tony suddenly ordered and I couldn’t help but lift my head up to meet his gaze.

He had a stern look on his face that quickly faltered when he saw me in the broken down state I was in, tears threatening to fall down my cheeks.

“Tell me what happened.” He said softly.

“I don’t know!” I sobbed, finally letting the tears escape.

“Rori, you need to take a deep breath, you need to calm down, do it now,” he said sternly and I nodded my head slightly.

I did as he said, taking a deep breath in and I held it for a moment before I released it slowly through my nose. I felt my heartbeat slow and the throbbing in my head began to subside. I closed my eyes and before I even realized what was happening Tony wrapped his arms around me and picked me up. I let out a surprised squeal making him chuckle as he took a seat in the swing that was on the porch. To my disappoint – which really should have told me something – he shifted me out of his lap and sat me next to him but he did pull my legs up so that they swung over his own as he began to swing us back and forth at a gentle rhythm.

“Better?” he asked softly, his hand rubbing up and down my back.

I nodded my head. “Thank you, Tone,” I whispered and he smiled.

“Tell me what happened,” he urged after a moment and I took in another deep breath.

“I went to the store, to get some milk because we were all out at my mom’s. I ran into this guy, like literally ran into him, I almost knocked him over and he acted really weird toward me and I brushed it off, that is, until I got in the checkout line. He was behind me in line and he was acting weird again and he started talking to me, saying he knew me and he told me I needed to buy a bag of gummy bears and he even set them down next to my milk on the belt and just before I went off on him, I suddenly saw the tattoo on his neck and I realized I knew him. It was Mike, Tone, I remembered Mike,” I rushed out, my voice huffing with shock as I finished.

“You remembered Mike?” Tony asked, shock and surprise coating his features.

I nodded my head. “Yes, I mean, kind of, it’s similar to how I remember you. I don’t exactly know him but I know that I know him, you know?” I asked, hoping he would understand my confusing explanation.

He nodded and gave me a small smile. “So what happened next?”

I sighed. “Well, we talked for a few minutes and he said that he thought it was best if I got back home because apparently no one likes my mom,” I explained, causing Tony to chuckle lightly. “So I got in my car and started driving and I don’t know, I just remember thinking that I needed to go home and without even realizing it, I ended up here.”

“You know Rori, at the risk of making you freak out again,” Tony mumbled quietly. “This is your home.”

I nodded and smiled slightly. “How long have we lived together?” I asked curiously.

He smiled. “I asked you to move in with me on your nineteenth birthday and last year, we finally moved out of my apartment and bought this place together.” He said, motioning toward the house behind us.

“After you proposed,” I whispered.

“Exactly,” he breathed, trying hard to control the happiness in his voice. “Rori, you’re remembering so much and you don’t even realize it.” He said quietly – I almost didn’t even hear him.

“It doesn’t feel like,” I admitted, frowning.

“You know, when you first called me when you were at the park earlier, you called me Tone, instead of Tony.” He said and smiled down at me.

“Does that mean something?” I asked, confused.

He laughed quietly. “Kind of, I mean, you didn’t even realize you called me that, did you?” he asked and when I shook my head in response he continued. “You’re feeling more comfortable around me, you starting to remember that you used to call me that. I mean Rori, you came here, to your home, without even thinking or knowing what you were doing, I mean, yeah it’s probably a little scary but you’re remembering.”

“It scares me,” I admitted quietly, closing my eyes.

“I know and I’m sorry, I mean watching you like that, breaking down, you have no idea what that’s like for me,” he whispered and I glanced up at him, hearing something in his voice and I saw how his eyes looked clouded over, as if he was lost in a flashback of his own.

“I’m sorry,” I said softly and I lifted my hand up to touch his cheek.

At the sound of my voice and with my touch, he suddenly snapped back from whatever he had been thinking about and he glanced down at me. My breathing hitched as I saw the way he was looking at me because even though I could tell Tony had been holding back his emotions since that first night on the beach, he wasn’t holding back now as he gazed into my eyes and I could see the love that he had for me pouring out. He was staring at me as if I was the only person in the world, as if I was the only one that mattered and adding together my flashbacks and the slight knowledge that I knew this wasn’t the first time he had ever looked at me like that, I was certain, without a doubt that this man truly did love me.

The only problem was I still had no idea who he was.

I closed my eyes and leaned away from him, just then realizing how close we had actually been to the other because I had felt his breath on my face, I could smell his sweet scent as it filled my nose and clouded my thoughts and I knew that if I hadn’t of pulled away then, we would have kissed and even though it obviously would not have been the first time, I didn’t think I was ready for that kind of step just yet.

“It’s getting pretty late, do you want to stay here?” Tony offered quietly.

I opened my eyes and pursed my lips. “I want to, I really do,” I admitted before I glanced up at him with an pained expression. “But I’m scared.”

He nodded. “That’s okay, you don’t have to tonight, and whenever you’re feeling up to it, you’re more than welcome to come back home.”

I couldn’t help but smile at his words because even though I knew it didn’t make sense considering I still couldn’t remember, I knew that this place was home and the fact that he was here, waiting for me, made a swarm of butterflies erupt in my stomach and I nodded my head, looking away from him shyly and he laughed softly. I untangled myself from him and we stood from the swing and I made my way over to the milk Tony had set down on the ground and I realized then that I had been clutching the bag of gummy bears in my hand this entire time and I couldn’t help but chuckle at myself.

Tony closed the door to the house before he walked me to my car and we were both silent as I opened the door. I set the milk and gummy bears in the passenger seat before I stood back up and turned to face him. I gave him a small smile.

“Thank you Tony, for everything and I’m sorry, for just kind of just showing up here,” I apologized, shaking my head as I thought about what he must have thought with me suddenly showing up here.

“Will you please stop apologizing,” he practically groaned with an amused expression. “And no more thanking me either, I mean it.” He said, pointing his finger at me.

I giggled and he grinned. “I can’t make any promises but I will try and keep that in mind.”

“I’ll see you tomorrow Rori,” he said and then took a step away from the door so that I could get in.

I didn’t say anything and without even thinking, without even realizing what I was doing, I suddenly took a step toward him and wrapped my arms around him. I engulfed him in a hug as I locked my hands together behind his back and I rested the side of my head on his chest as his own arms encased me, seeming hesitant at first but he hugged me back just as strong as I had hoped he would. I took a deep breath in, letting his scent surround me and I closed my eyes as I began to drift away to another time.

I was sitting on the beach, picking up heaps of sand before I let them slowly escape between my fingers, watching the small piles that formed before I would pick up another handful and do it all again. I grimaced down at my wrist, at my arms and my legs, at how small they looked with the weight I had lost this past month. I sighed and threw the sand out in front of me before I brought my lanky legs up to my chest and wrapped my arms around me.

It had been two days since I had been released and I had finally managed to escape the watchful eye of my mother and even though I knew she was probably worried sick right now, if she had even noticed I was gone that is, I needed to get away, I needed to get out of that damn house, away from that damn room. No matter how hard I tried to scrub and clean the wall, I couldn’t get that dark stain off of it, out of the carpet and it was just a constant reminder that I didn’t want or need.

“Rori?” I heard someone say quietly beside me and I glanced up, even though I already knew it was him, I could never forget his voice.

“Hi,” I said weakly, giving him a sad smile.

“Your Mom called me, surprisingly, she said you left and that she had no idea where you were.” He explained, taking a seat next to me.

“But you did.” I whispered and looked back out into the ocean.

“Don’t you remember from all those games of hide and seek we used to play? I’ll always be able to find you Rori.” He said playfully before his tone turned soft and serious. “I’ll always be able to find you, even if you’re having a hard time finding yourself.”

The tears started to swell in my eyes. “I’m sorry, I’m so sorry.” I cried, shutting my eyes against the tears.

“Hey,” he murmured and wrapped his arms around me. “It’s okay, you’re okay. Everything will be okay Rori.” He whispered in my ear, gently rocking us back and forth.

I cried into him for a few minutes before I calmed down enough to pull away from him but he reached down and grabbed my hand, entwining our fingers together as he brought the back of my hand up to his mouth and kissing it gently. We were silent for a moment, just watching the waves when I suddenly remembered that he said my mom had called him.

“You know, I heard what my mom said to you at the hospital. I’m sorry, you didn’t deserve that.” I said quietly.

He sighed. “It’s okay, I didn’t exactly take it to heart. I know she was just stressed.”

“Yeah, stressed.” I mumbled and shook my head, disappointed in myself.

“Hey, don’t do that, don’t be hard on yourself Rori.” He said sternly.

I continued to shake my head though. “I fucked up.” I muttered, feeling the tears start to form again.

“Hey now, no you didn’t Rori, you were lost, confused and hurt. You made a mistake but you’re here now, you want to get better, you are going to get better and you’ll find yourself again. You won’t feel like this forever, I promise you that. You will pull through this darkness Rori.” He whispered but the emotion in his voice almost made it seem as if he was yelling at me.

“How can you still love me?” I asked in disbelief as he placed a kiss on my forehead.

Despite the seriousness of the situation, he laughed. “I will always love you Rori. Even if you don’t love yourself and even if you don’t know who you are, I will always be here, I will help you find your way and I will love you every step of the way. I will always love you, remember that.”

“I don’t deserve you,” I muttered.

“You’re right,” he agreed making me pull away in shock but I saw the smile on his face. “You deserve so much more but that’s too damn bad because I am never going to let you go, you’re stuck with me.”

I couldn’t help smile as I leaned back into him and he tightened his embrace around me.

“I’ll never let you go.” He repeated in my ear and I knew it was a promise he would never break.

“Don’t let go,” I whispered as I felt Tony begin to pull away from our hug, fighting against the tears that were pooling behind my eyes.

He paused and he suddenly leaned forward again and I wasn’t sure how long the two of us stood there in his – or rather our driveway – standing in front of my open car door, just holding the other, but at some point I wasn’t sure whose tears were soaking my shirt, mine or his, and just as I heard my phone begin to ring in my car he leaned up and placed a kiss on my head before I felt his breath by my ear and his voice was low and husky as he spoke, sending a shiver down my spine.

“I told you before, I’ll never let you go.”

Notes

ugh so I am not happy with how this chapter turned out at all but I've already rewritten twice so this will just have to do :/

Anywho, thank you guys for reading and leaving me your lovely thoughts, they never fail to make me smile :)