I pulled away from Tony with a sheepish smile. He opened his eyes, looking back at me with a warm smile, his eyes shining. He brought his hand up and brushed the hair out of my face, pushing it behind my ear. I bit my lip nervously, afraid of what he was going to say to me but he didn’t say anything. His hand was still hovering by my cheek but out of the corner of my eye I saw him move our milkshakes out of the way of the slide entrance with his other hand. Before I could say anything – to figure out what he was doing – he suddenly grinned and he “booped” the tip of my nose with his finger.

“Tag, you’re it,” he said quietly before he lurched away from me and flung himself down the slide, head first.

I let out a surprised laugh, trying to process what just happened when Tony’s laughter suddenly broke me out of my trance. I stood up quickly and made my way back down the steps – not feeling as daring as Tony had to go down the slide – and jumped down onto the woodchip covered ground and took off at a run toward Tony. We ran around the park for what felt like hours. Our game of tag somehow ended in a silent agreement and we went on to other things, like swinging on the swings or attempting the monkey bars – attempting being the operative word because I had no upper body strength at all apparently – and we just did what Tony had told me we used to do all the time.

We stopped acting like adults. We didn’t address the problem that was right in front of us. I wasn’t a girl who had lost her memory of the boy she loved and he wasn’t the boy desperately trying to make her remember. We were just two kids, running around without a care in the world. In a way, I was grateful that Tony didn’t question me on what the kiss had meant because I had absolutely no idea myself. All I could remember was the way the butterflies had suddenly exploded in my stomach, the way my heart seemed to stutter and skip as Tony’s brown eyes stared into mine and I just went for it. It was on pure instinct, pure memory and even though I still didn’t remember everything, I felt like I was really starting to and that both scared me and excited me at the same time.

At some point in our childish adventures we ended up over on the grassy ground, both lying on our backs next to the other as we stared up at the night sky. Tony’s hand found its way to mine and I didn’t pull away as he entwined our fingers together. Neither one of us said anything – though we were both still pretty out of breath from our last game of tag. I closed my eyes, trying to remember anything else other than the tiny glimpses of school afternoons spent here but I soon stopped, feeling a headache approaching and mentally decided I had probably remembered enough for today.

“You remembered something back there, didn’t you?” Tony asked, breaking the silence.

“I did,” I admitted quietly, my cheeks starting to warm.

“Can I ask what it was?” he questioned in an unsure voice.

I smiled. “Um, can I ask you something first?”

“Of course,” he answered and then turned on his side, facing me.

“How old were we when we first started dating?” I asked him and then turned on my side as well.

He smiled. “I kissed you in my neighbor’s pool two days before your sixteenth birthday. It took me all that night and half of the next day to finally muster up the courage to officially ask you to be my girlfriend. You laughed at me the whole time.” He explained and then gave me a stern look.

I giggled. “Sorry?” I offered him with a smirk.

He grinned and shook his head. “So yeah, I was sixteen and you were fifteen but I had feelings for you long before then; I just never told you.”

“When did you realize you were in love with me?” I asked curiously. “Or at least liked me more than a friend?” I added with a small smile.

He seemed to think for a moment, the smile never leaving his face and his eyes seemed to hold a sense of nostalgia and even though this night was supposed to be about helping me remember, I got the feeling that I wasn’t the only one remembering my past.

“There was this one night, when we were both eleven. Your dad had disappeared again and your mom had called my mom, asking if it was alright for you to stay at our place for the night because we had no school the next day but your mom had to go in for a meeting and no one would be home to watch you. My mom agreed of course, I used to think she liked you more than me sometimes,” he said with a small laugh and I grinned. “But anyways, we were down in the living room and you had this idea to make a blanket fort and eat ice cream and watch movies.

“I of course, sat on my butt the whole time you did this until you finally threw a pillow at me and told me to help but by then, you were pretty much done with everything. But I got all the ice cream and you picked out a movie and without me even asking you put in Star Wars and I think I realized then that you were a pretty awesome friend – even if you were a girl. It was halfway into the movie though and you had fallen asleep. We had been huddled together under the blankets and you actually fell asleep on me and I remember that when I felt your head fall on my shoulder I looked down at you and I don’t know, something just changed.

“I always thought you were pretty, but I just remember thinking that I was really glad that I had such a pretty friend because most people didn’t really like me. But you did and that made me happy. It took me a long time to realize that I had started to fall in love with you that but after then, I just found myself thinking about you in ways that I never did before. It wasn’t until later I think, when we started high school and we were finally in the same school as the other that I really fell for you. I mean, I don’t even know Rori, I just remember thinking that I loved having you as a friend and then one day, I suddenly found myself just thinking about how much I loved you. I don’t know if that makes any sense at all but that’s what happened.”

He finished with another smile and his eyes held that same sparkle they did after I had pulled away from our kiss earlier and I found my stomach once again bursting with butterflies.

“Did I ever tell you when I first realized I had fallen in love with you?” I asked him, glancing down at our hands that were still tangled together.

He chuckled. “No, not really. Whenever I would ask you would blush like mad and push me away, like literally push me. I don’t know why but you never wanted to tell me. I never really cared though because I knew you loved me and that was all that mattered to me.”

“Back at the slide, I remembered the moment I started to fall in love with you,” I said quietly, biting my lip.

He was silent for a moment for he spoke up. “You don’t have to tell me.”

“I want to.” I answered, barely above a whisper and I finally looked up at him, his eyes were looking back at me warmly and I smiled. “It um, it was a night we were here at the park. I think it was a few months after your thirteenth birthday. I had called you because my mom and dad had been fighting and I needed to get out of the house. We came to the park and you saw that my dad had hit me, on accident, and when you leaned forward to kiss my cheek, telling me that you thought I was beautiful, I got butterflies in my stomach and for the first time I saw you as more than just my best friend.”

He was grinning by the time I was done and I was blushing like mad, of course. “Now I know why you never wanted to tell me.”

“Why?” I asked curiously, leaning closer to him.

He chuckled. “That night, you crashed at my place because you didn’t want to go back home. We ended up sleeping together in my bed that night and it was the first night we had ever done that and it wasn’t awkward or anything but the next morning I woke up and you were sleeping on my chest and you got really embarrassed when you woke up and even though I told you it was no big deal, you still freaked out and I used to make fun of you for it all the time. I never knew why you had acted so weird like that, I mean even though it was the first time we were in my bed, we had woken up cuddled with each on the couch before, but now I get it. You looooved me.” he sang, a teasing in his voice.

“Shut up,” I laughed and pushed on his chest.

He stared at me then, his eyebrows furrowing slightly and I wanted to ask him what he was thinking but I didn’t. I wasn’t sure if I wanted or if I would even be able to handle his answer because I recognized the look in his eyes and I couldn’t help but feel like he was trying to figure out if I would ever love him again. I yawned then, unable to control it and Tony laughed.

“Sorry,” I said, still slightly yawning. “I still haven’t been able to catch up on my sleep.”

“Well let’s get going then; I had more planned but I didn’t expect us to be here this long anyway. We can do it another day if you want.”

I just nodded as he stood up and then pulled me to my feet. We grabbed our leftover food and melted milkshakes and tossed it all in the trash before we made our way back to his car. The ride was silent and comfortable and this time Tony didn’t even hesitate to put his hand on my knee and I didn’t even feel awkward over it anymore. I was staring out the window, watching the scenery pass by me and it wasn’t until I found myself staring at the beach that I was suddenly drifting away again.

I frowned down at the waves getting closer to my feet with each passing tide, threatening to soak me where I sat in the sand. I knew I shouldn’t be here, that I should be home but I just couldn’t bring myself to face him yet. Of course though, I knew he wouldn’t let me escape him that easily. I heard him making his way over here and taking a seat down next to me, though he kept his distance. He didn’t say anything at first nor did he make any moves to touch me and I sighed, ashamed that I had been pushing him away like this.

“You’ve been avoiding me,” Tony finally said, staring out at the ocean.

“I know; I’m sorry,” I answered, picking up a handful of sand and letting it sprinkle out between my fingers.

“What’s wrong? Did I do something?” he asked, his voice sad and he finally turned to look at me.

“No, no, you didn’t do anything.” I said quickly, looking over at him. His face looked hurt and I noticed just a hint of frustration lacing his features.

“Then what is it Rori; why have you been pushing me away?”

I sighed and glanced back down at the sand before I took another deep breath in. “I thought I was pregnant,” I admitted quietly, looking back up at him. “I’m not,” I quickly added when I saw his reaction.

He furrowed his eyebrows, trying to collect his thoughts that I probably just scrambled to oblivion. “What? Why didn’t you say anything?”

I sighed again and shrugged. “I don’t know, I just, I was scared.”

He finally moved closer to me, picking up my hand in his. “Rori, why were you scared?”

“I don’t know Tone. I mean, we’ve never talked about this kind of thing. I mean we always talk about the future and having like ten kids but we always know that it’s just playful, we never talked about actually having a family. When would we even have time? You’re always touring and I’ve been working so hard on this new line with Sam. We can’t even plan a fucking wedding because you could find out that you’re leaving for tour tomorrow. I just, it got me thinking and then I thought, I mean, I don’t know; I just started to panic.” I rushed out and bit my lip, grimacing down at the sand.

Tony sighed. “Aurora Rose Hayes. What the hell is wrong with you?” he asked, his tone holding a level of annoyance.

“I, uh, wh-what?” I stammered out, not expecting that reaction from him at all.

He slumped his shoulders before he picked up my hand that he was still holding and brought it closer to me. “Rori, what is this?” he asked me, pointing down at the diamond ring on my finger.

“Um, my ring?” I answered with a question, his reaction still confusing me.

He smiled. “Yes, your engagement ring, that I gave you. Rori, do you know why I gave you this ring? I love you Rori, you’re my world and I can’t picture myself with anyone else, ever. I gave you this ring, I asked you to marry me because I want to spend the rest of my life with you. That also means that I am prepared for anything and everything that comes with that. I want to buy a house with you and have babies with you and grow old with you, I want to have a future with you. Rori, I love you and no matter what happens, I will always love you and I will always be here for you. Don’t you know that?” he whispered the last part, his eyes taking on a hurt look.

“Yes, I do. I love you too Tony, I just wasn’t expecting it I guess, like I said, I really don’t fucking know.” I sighed and slipped my hand out of his, shaking my head as covered my eyes.

Tony scooted even closer to me, throwing his arm over my shoulder. “Did you think I wouldn’t want any of that, that I would be mad if you were pregnant?” he asked quietly.

I sighed. “We never talked about it, I just, the timing –“

“The timing is never going to be perfect Rori,” He spoke up with a small chuckle. “We have too crazy of lives to ever be normal but I wouldn’t change any of it, and I know you wouldn’t either. I never thought of talking about it because I didn’t see it as a problem. When that time comes, whether its next month or next year, whenever, I’ll be there Rori. We’re in this together and there is no one else I would rather be with for all of it.”

I looked at him with a small smile. “Do you really mean all of that?” I whispered.

He gave me a dead panned look before he rolled his eyes playfully. “Yes I do, you silly girl. I wouldn’t have asked you to marry me if I didn’t.”

I let out a small laugh, suddenly feeling foolish for thinking that Tony would have freaked out. I knew he loved me, I knew he wouldn’t leave. It was just weird, thinking about actually being an adult for once. I mean, I might be an adult now but there are certainly times where I – and Tony - don’t act like it. Having a kid would change everything, not in the bad way, just in a way I wasn’t expecting to think about right now.

“You know, I would have been happy,” Tony whispered, pulling me closer.

“What?” I asked, not sure what he meant.

He swallowed loudly. “If you were pregnant, I would have been happy with it, excited.” He explained with a small shrug.

I couldn’t help the smile that escaped my lips. “Really?”

“Of course, I mean, I have thought about it before, seeing you with a little me, a little us. I want that someday.” He said with a shy smile.

I leaned into him. “I want that too.” I agreed and he broke into a breathtaking grin. “But Tone, like I said, we can’t even plan a wedding.” I said with a small laugh.

“I thought you wanted an August wedding?” he asked, furrowing his eyebrows.

“I do but you said there’s talks about you guys touring and I don’t want –“

“Stop,” he interrupted. “We’ve been engaged for almost a year now. August is six months away, that’s plenty of time.”

“You’ve never planned a wedding, have you?” I teased with a shake of my head.

He chuckled. “You and Sam can figure it out and what do we really need to plan? I know you Rori, you don’t want anything big, hell, we can take a trip to Vegas right now and be married by this time tomorrow.”

I snorted. “As tempting as that sounds, I at least want all of our friends there.”

He grinned. “So its settled, we’ll start planning for our wedding, seriously start planning because I can’t wait to start my life with you.”

“I love you Tony Perry,” I whispered as I leaned up to kiss his cheek.

“And I love you Rori Hayes, future Mrs. Perry,” he whispered back.

I grinned and bit my lip, my cheeks warming in happiness at the name. The two of us were silent for a few moments, watching the waves that were still threatening to soak us as any moment.

“Rori?” Tony asked me then, his tone nervous and I glanced up at him.

“Yeah?”

“What if, um, after we’re married, what if maybe we, uh…” he let his sentence trail and it wasn’t hard to figure out where he was headed.

“You want to try?” I asked, a little shocked, a little excited, a little scared.

He let out a nervous chuckle. “Well, I mean, not necessarily try. But, like I said, the timing will never be perfect and actually planning it would be too much I think, but what if we, I don’t know, I mean what if we just let whatever happens, happen?”

“So we won’t exactly be trying but we wouldn’t exactly be doing anything to prevent it either?” I tried summing up his nervous banter.

He smiled. “Exactly. I mean, only if you want to.” He added quickly, looking down at me with wide eyes.

“Of course I want to you dork. I mean I may have been panicking but I’d be lying if a part of me wasn’t hopeful.”

“God I fucking love you,” he murmured with a laugh before he pushed me down and climbed on top of me, making me lie down with a giggle in the sand.

“I love you too.” I responded as his lips found mine.

In that moment I realized just how lucky I was. I had a man who loved me, who was going to stand by me no matter what. I was going to marry him in six months and then, whatever happened after that, we would deal with when it came but I was no longer scared or panicked. I knew that no matter what happened, Tony would be right there by my side and I couldn’t wait to start my future with him.

Tony pulled into the driveway of our house all too soon and I suddenly found myself nervous and on edge. We were silent as the two of us climbed out of the car and made our way up to the porch. I kept my distance from him, trying not to give him any excuse to touch me because I didn’t want to hurt his feelings when I pulled away. He unlocked the door and I quickly made my way inside, heading straight for the bedroom. Tony walked in as I was gathering a change of clothes and I knew he was confused by my behavior.

“So, do you want to watch a movie before we go to bed?” he asked, leaning against the doorframe.

“Um, I’m pretty tired; I’m just going to take a quick shower and then go to bed.” I answered, trying not to look at him.

“Oh, okay, I’ll just wait for you –“ he started to say but I cut him off.

“Actually, I think I’m going to sleep in the guest bedroom tonight,” I said quickly and grabbed my phone charger off the nightstand.

“Oh. Okay.” He repeated, his voice sounding heartbroken and I quickly walked by him, leaving him in the bedroom.

I quickly made my way down the hall and stepped in the guest room, flicking on the light and closing the door quietly. I was gasping as I tossed my clothes and charger on the bed. I paced the room before I slid down onto the floor, bringing my knees to my chest. I couldn’t do this, it was too much. Not only was I supposed to be marrying Tony in about a month but now we were going to start a family. I still didn’t even know him! I still barely knew who I was! I rocked back and forth against the bed, closing my eyes tightly as I tried to calm my breathing.

I couldn’t handle this.

Notes

so a lot happened in this chapter....whoops.

please leave me feedback and let me know what you guys think....what should Rori do??