Tony pulled into the driveway and I felt my heart rate quicken. He put the car in park and the both of us just kind of sat there, wondering what to do next. I glanced over to see him looking at me. We both looked at the other before suddenly bursting into laughter.

“Fuck, I’m sorry,” I laughed, covering my face with my hands.

“What did I say about apologizing?” Tony asked in return and I looked back at him to see him grinning at me.

I took in a deep breath and then let it out. “Right, so uh, should we go inside then?”

“Do you want to?” he asked with uncertainty, his grin fading.

“No, I would like to sleep out in the car tonight,” I said with a smile, my voice thick with sarcasm.

He chuckled. “Well then let’s go,” he grinned and we both started getting out of the car.

Tony popped the trunk and I went to the back to get my bag I had grabbed from my mother’s – which thankfully she was not home when we stopped there. I slammed the trunk down and made my way over to Tony who was waiting for me at end of the walkway, swinging his keys in his hands. We made our way up to the door and I couldn’t stop thinking about last night, about how panicked I had been and I realized now how ridiculous I had been. I should have calmed down the moment I saw Tony, I mean, it wasn’t like I was at some stranger's house.

“You ready?” Tony asked me then and I looked up to see that we had stopped just outside the door.

“As I’ll ever be,” I said quietly, biting my lip.

“If it gets to be too much, just let me know, okay?” he said and I looked over at him.

He was staring at the door and I realized in that moment that he was just as scared and nervous as I was. He was still afraid that this would be too much, that I would get overwhelmed and push him away. He was afraid to lose me again. I wanted to assure him that his worries were insignificant but I couldn’t help but be thinking the same things. For both of our sakes, though for mainly Tony’s, I really hoped I could handle this. He might say that he’s alright but I can tell that all this has really taken a toll on him. I mean, as confusing as it is to not remember the person you are in love with, I couldn’t even imagine what it must be like for him, to have me so close and within touch but not being able to do anything about it.

I sighed quietly as he opened the door and he let me walk in first. I took timid steps, feeling like if I walked in too quickly I would be ambushed by memories but the more I made my way into the house – which held a familiar aura I wasn’t expecting – I realized that there were no sudden flashbacks, knocking me to my knees. I wasn’t sure how I felt about that though because while one part of me was thankful that I was in control, another part of me was disappointed that I didn’t remember anything right away.

“Well?” Tony asked behind me, the nerves presents in his voice.

I turned around and smiled. “I’m okay,” I assured him and he visibly relaxed.

Just then there was a ringing that echoed around the house and Tony quickly pulled his cellphone out of his pocket. He checked the caller id and then let it continue to ring as he looked back up at me.

“It’s Mike, everyone wants to know how your appointment went,” he explained.

“You can tell them,” I said with another smile. “I’m going to look around.”

He nodded and then answered his phone and I turned my attention toward the hallway to the right of me as he walked into the kitchen. My hands instinctively reached over to flick on the light and I smiled, pleased that I remembered where it was. I slowly made my way down the hall, letting my fingers graze the wall as I did so, thinking that the touch would bring me closer to the memories I could feel tugging at my brain. The hallway was lined with various picture frames that were filled with collages and I had a small flash of me sitting on the floor, snipping at pictures and arranging them in the frames.

I stopped to look at one of the frames and I immediately smiled. This one was obviously Pierce the Veil themed because there were dozens of photos, all with Tony, the guys, and their crew –and I surprisingly was able to put a name to some even though I haven’t had any memories about them – and the closer I looked at them, the more I came to understand why I had remembered Jaime’s hair and I couldn’t help but chuckle to myself. There were action shots, some with the guys on stage and playing their hearts out, others were from photo shoots and then there were just relaxed ones where they were all standing on the beach, making silly faces and flipping off the camera.

I moved on to the next frame and this one made my heart skip a beat, in a good way though. It was all of me and Tony. There were some from when we were kids, both of us swinging high on the swings of my now favorite park, a couple from when we were teens and more recent ones. There were photos of us kissing or holding hands, making faces at the other and there was even one where Tony had me thrown over his shoulder and we both had the biggest grins on our faces – even though I was hanging upside down. I ran my finger along the glass, willing myself to remember something, anything, of what I could have possibly been feeling in those moments because it wasn’t hard to see it in my face, or in Tony’s. The way we both looked at the other, we were in love, impossibly and hopelessly in love.

I dropped my hand and frowned and decided to keep moving. There were a few more frames but I decided to skip past these and I stopped just outside of a bedroom. I pushed open the slightly ajar door and I just stood there, my breath catching my throat when I realized which room I had come to. It was our bedroom, mine and Tony’s. I looked back down the hall and I still heard Tony talking on the phone so I decided to take a deep breath and just walk right in. Once again, I was slightly disappointed when I wasn’t hit with any sudden memories. I sighed and made my way toward the bed and without even thinking, I immediately plopped down face first.

I crawled up so that I could bury my face into the pillows and I was instantly engulfed by a scent that I hadn’t realized I had missed until that moment. I could tell that this was not my side of the bed – that much I knew – which obviously meant it was Tony’s pillow I was currently inhaling and I couldn’t help but smile as I breathed in his familiar scent. When I closed my eyes, that’s when it hit me, his scent was familiar. I remembered it. I remembered falling asleep with his arms wrapped around me and waking up with my head on his chest.

I remembered the way he would occasionally run his fingers along my skin when he would wake up before me and he would wait patiently in the bed – being as I was using him as a pillow – and he didn’t want to wake me. He would cause a fit of goose bumps to erupt on my skin and when he would notice me start to stir he would start whispering silly things to me, telling me how my hair was a mess or that my snores kept him from falling back asleep. I would always wake up with a smile and a giggle and more often than not would slap his chest before I leaned down and kissed him.

“Rori?”

I heard Tony’s voice and lifted my head off the pillow and looked over toward the door. He walked in, staring at me with confused amusement but his face immediately took on a worried look as he got closer and it was only then that I realized I was crying.

“Are you okay?” he asked quietly, stopping just at the end of the bed.

I nodded and smiled. “Yeah, I swear, I just, just remembering some stuff.”

“That happened on the bed?” he asked with a suggestive tone, his face turning playful when he realized I wasn’t freaking out.

My felt my face flush. “Shut up, not like that, well not really,” I stammered and wiped under my eyes.

He chuckled and took a seat on the bed. “Now I’m hoping that those tears aren’t because you suddenly remembered that I’m horrible in bed or anything,” he said jokingly.

I giggled and covered my face as it turned a deeper shade of red. “No, no, stop it,” I said, my voice muffled by my hands.

He laughed. “Hey, you know you don’t have to be embarrassed in front of me, right?” he asked quietly, his laughter subsiding.

I dropped my hands and took in a deep breath before I glanced up and him. He was looking at me with a small smile but I could still see the slight worry in his eyes, as if he was afraid that his joking was seriously making me uncomfortable. I smiled and then moved over on the bed and patted the spot next to me. He grinned and laid down beside me, our arms touching and I bit my lip before I turned to look at him.

“It’s just a little weird, you know?” I said shyly.

“What?” he asked, his understanding eyes staring straight into mine.

I had to look away before I answered as I felt another blush coating my cheeks. “Having these memories of being with someone in such an…intimate way when I don’t really remember them in the first place.” I explained quietly.

“Oh,” he said, understanding what I was saying. “I didn’t realize your memories involved that.” He tried hard to hide the smirk on his lips but I could clearly see it.

“Actually, quite a few of my memories involve that.” I explained, using the same tone as him.

This time he didn’t hold back his smirk. “Well, I guess we were always a very…loving couple.”

I couldn’t help but laugh. “I guess it makes sense though, with how often you’re on tour, we’ve got to enjoy the time we have together.”

“Exactly,” he said with a grin but his eyes held a level of seriousness.

“I’m sorry I’m ruining our time together, I know you’re going on tour soon,” I said quietly, looking down and focusing on the tattoos that decorated his arm.

“Hey,” he said softly, gripping my chin and lifting my head back up to face him. “Rori, you are not ruining our time together, not at all. I don’t need sex to be happy, I just need you. When I got that call from the hospital, when they wouldn’t tell me what happened, I thought the worst Rori; I thought I had lost you for good. The fact that you’re here, right now, in front of me, in my arms, that’s more than enough for now.”

“How did I get so lucky?” I murmured, not exactly meaning to say it out loud as I felt my eyes water.

He smiled. “I ask myself that same question every day.”

We stared at the other then, both of us getting lost in each other’s eyes. I wasn’t sure what was going through his mind but I knew what was in mine. I could remember, I remember looking into his eyes, seeing the love in them. I remembered the small, innocent kisses we would share when we thought no one was looking. I remembered the way we would watch a movie and he would reach out and touch me, not even seeming to realize that he was aimlessly tracing patterns along my skin, still engrossed in the movie on the screen.

I could remember how it felt to have his lips pressed against mine and how my heart would race when I would catch him looking at me, a smile on his lips. I could remember all those things but I didn’t feel them. Looking back at Tony, I didn’t feel the love that I remembered. I decided to take a chance, I was going to push myself, I was going take a huge risk. I started to lean into him, deciding that I wanted more than just a memory of kissing him and he seemed to understand my intentions because he started to lean in as well.

The doorbell rang when we were inches, just mere centimeters apart from the other and just like that, the moment was gone but it didn’t bother me as much as I thought because in that moment, just before Tony’s lips touched mine, I felt the swirl of butterflies in my stomach and the blush on my cheeks.

I felt something for him and even though it was still too soon to call it love, a small, teeny tiny part of me was endlessly hoping that it was.

Notes

fluffy fluff fluff. <3