I couldn’t sleep, not anymore. I don’t think I’ve been able to sleep since that night. It constantly flashed through my mind, scaring away the sleep I so desperately needed. I pulled up into the empty parking lot and got out, not bothering to lock my car because it wouldn’t bother me if I never had to go home again. I made my way to the beach, letting a smile slip as I heard the waves slapping against the shore. Ever since that night, this was the one place I could go to where I felt safe, where everything made sense.

Nothing else made sense in my life, not anymore.

I took a seat in the sand and pulled my knees up to my chest, not caring that I was getting sand all over me. I leaned my chin down on my knees and sighed as I stared out at the ocean, the only light shining – other than the dim street light on the pier – was coming from the moon that hung high in the sky. I closed my eyes and just breathed, in and out, trying to put the pieces of my scattered mind back together. I just wanted to be whole again. I felt a tear trail down my cheek as a memory flashed through my mind.

“What the hell are you doing?” he asked with a laugh.

I turned around and grinned. “Come on, don’t be a pussy.” I teased and gripped the fence before I braced my foot on the wood and hoisted myself up, hopping over the gate.

“Shit,” I heard him swear as I dusted myself off. His skills weren’t as smooth as mine and he stumbled and fell as he hopped over, catching himself with his hands as he landed on the grass with a thud.

“Slick moves dude,” I grinned at him as he started to get up.

“Shut up,” he grumbled and then pushed me lightly as he stood straight. “What are we doing anyway?”

“The Smiths are out town for the week.” I said with a smirk and opened up the gate that lead to the pool.

“What does that mean?” he asked as he continued to follow me.

“It means, we can use their pool,” I said and pulled my sundress over my head, leaving me in my black bikini.

“Are you crazy?” he whisper shouted at me. “If we get caught we can get in so much trouble!”

“So what?” I countered. “At least we had fun and at least we’ll be together.” I said and then smiled at him before I took off running and jumped into the pool, letting the cool water simmer the blush that had overtaken my cheeks.

I surfaced with a laugh to see him still standing at the ledge, still fully clothed, gaping at me.

“Come on,” I groaned. “Have some fun with me!” I said before I dipped back under the water.

When I came up again I no longer saw him standing at the ledge but I saw his shirt on the ground next to his shoes. I looked around confused before I let out a small squeal when I felt something grab my leg. I jerked around and came face to face with him as he came up for air, laughing the entire time.

“Jerk,” I muttered, splashing him.

He laughed again and instead of splashing me back like I expected, he came closer, gripping my arms as he pushed me back into the wall. There was nothing but our shallow breathing and drips of water sounding as he came even closer to me, his face so close to mine that I could feel his breath on my face as he looked down at me, his brown eyes sparkling in the dim light beneath the water.

“What are you doing?” I whispered as I felt another blush form on my cheeks.

“Having some fun with you,” he whispered back, his voice low and serious as he smiled slightly before his brought his lips down to mine.

It was my first kiss and it was beautiful and perfect and magical and what made it one hundred times better was that it was with him.

I came back down from the memory and I sniffled, wiping under my eyes as I tried to find the missing information that came with it but there was nothing, no one. I knew that these memories were mine and that I was the one who had lived them but as they popped into my head at random times, I couldn’t help but feel like I was just watching a film, a film where I couldn’t understand the plot line even though it made perfect sense to everyone else. I was lost, confused and heartbroken. I didn’t even know who I was anymore and just like that, another memory overtook my mind, taking me back to a time I didn’t remember.

“Do you ever get these really bad nightmares where you don’t know where you are or what it is you’re doing and you just don’t know who you are anymore?” he asked.

“All the time,” I responded.

“And then, you try and wake up, you know you’re dreaming and you know that when you wake up things will be better but no matter how hard you try, you just can’t wake up? Do you ever feel like that?”

“All the time,” I repeated.

“So then, I was thinking, if you can’t wake up from the nightmare, maybe you’re not asleep.” He whispered. “Have you ever thought about that?”

“All the time.”

This memory ended with me sobbing and clutching my knees tighter to my chest as I tried to control my breathing. I hated these memories – the other ones I didn’t mind – but these ones were darker and made me cry and it just made me feel even more lost and confused than I did before. It didn’t make sense to me how the girl in my memories – who was me – could go from being this happy, bubbly girl full of life and adventure to a sad, dejected lost soul. Something happened in her life – in my life – and even though I knew I should want to remember I didn’t want to, I was scared.

“Rori?”

I jumped at the sound of my name, one of the only things I remembered after that night, and turned slightly to see a man walking toward me. I knew I should be afraid but there was something inside me - perhaps a distant memory - that told me that I was safe, that he wouldn’t harm me. I watched as he took a seat down next to me, being hesitant in his movements before he turned to look at me. His big brown eyes seemed so familiar to me, yet, at the same time they weren’t.

“How did you know I would be here?” I asked quietly.

He furrowed his eyebrows. “I know everything about you Rori.”

“I’ve never even met you,” I responded, confused.

A hurt look flashed across his face and he sighed. “You have. We've known each other our whole lives. We grew up together.”

“I don’t remember you,” I admitted quietly but something in the back of my mind pulled at the memories I was having and I looked at him and realized that he was the same guy who had been present in them - he was older now but it was still him.

“My name’s Tony.” He said quietly, looking out toward the ocean again.

I felt another pull in my brain but it hurt too much to try and tug at the rope that was being thrown at me. “I’m sorry.”

“It’s not your fault; you’ll remember someday.” He said and I wasn’t sure if he was trying to convince me or himself.

I thought back to the memories I had been having and I looked at him as the tears started to pool in my eyes.

“Tony?” I asked, my voice hoarse with tears.

“Yeah?” he asked with a worried look on his face as he saw me crying.

“I can’t wake up from my nightmare,” I sobbed, letting the tears flow down my cheeks.

“Rori,” he said quietly, wrapping his arms around me. “You’re not asleep.”

Notes

So this kind of just came to me and it's a little different than what I normally write but I thought I would post this first chapter and see if anyone would be interested in a story like this so please comment and let me know what you think otherwise I will probably just delete it if I don't get very much feedback on it because I already probably have too many stories going on but like i said, just let me know what you guys think! Thanks <3