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I'll do anything for you

We're out of time & I can't breath

Tony's P.O.V.

Mike, Victor & I came back from the movies at around 10:21 pm. It was too late to call Jaime so we could FaceTime, so I have to wait till' tomorrow. Mike was tired so he went to sleep as soon as we got to our room. I however, couldn't sleep. I lied awake in my bed thinking about Jaime, my old school, Las Vegas. I just want to go back.What if no one likes me here at my new school? That's never happened to me. Usually everyone get's along with me. I bet I'll get lost on the first day & everyone will make fun of me as I step into the classroom late. They'll think I'm stupid. My grades suck.

They'll probably think I'm a loser. But I am, so I guess it's okay. I'm ugly. I don't even know how Mike likes me. He's way too perfect for me, I'm not good enough for him & he deserves someone better. Someone he doesn't have to hide from the world in shame. Someone he can kiss & hug & hold hands with in public & know that his dad won't give a shit. Mike needs someone....worth it. I'm not worth anything....I'm nothing but a depressed, suicidal, gay, loser. Who could ever love a freak like me? I'm such a fuck up.

My dad was right. I'm nothing. I'm just a dumb ass. I'm useless, I'm nothing but a waste of space. I deserved all the beatings I got from him. I deserved to die that night after he...............after he raped me. But no. My mom had to find me in my room that night & I ended up in the hospital instead....now I have to live? For what? To live with the memory & pain of what my own father did to me? There's nobody holding me back, I could end it all & nobody would stop me. I just feel so alone.

There's no one here for me. Jaime's gone. He can't help me. He's not gonna come in through my window in the middle of night when I need someone like he always did before. He's in Vegas & I'm here. My only friend seems to be this demon I've been carrying inside me. I just want it to stop. The pain, the memories, the regret, the hurt, the lies. Everything just needs to go away.

Nobody know's anything about me. Nobody know's about what's happened to me & what I always feel. No one know's the real me. All everyone ever see's is a normal, smiling, laughing, happy guy, with lots of friends & a great attitude. That's what I want them to see. I don't want them to see my broken, hurt, depressed, & lonely self. I want to stop thinking about all of this but my mind keeps running back to it & pulling me in. I want to scream. I want to cry until there's nothing left inside of me. I want to slice up my skin so I can feel in control. I've only hurt myself twice....It made me feel so much better. I don't know why I ever stopped. Probably because of my therapist. He'd check me every time I'd show up. I'm giving up all hope.

I got up & out of my bed, I only had my boxers & a muscle shirt on. I opened the window & stood there feeling the cold breeze blow in. I looked up to the stars & I felt a flow of tears run down my face. They wouldn't stop coming down. I climbed out of the room & sat on the roof. I closed the window, not locking it so I could get back in when I needed to. I sat there looking into the dark night sky. The moon was looking down at me & the stars were surrounding me. The cool breeze wrapped around my body, causing me to shiver a little. I lied down on my side & looked out into the street. Everything was so empty. No one was around. I let myself go, stopped holding in the pain & started to sob. I couldn't stop. My body was shaking & my eyes were drenched in tears. I just need someone to care. I heard the window open but didn't dare to look. I knew I'd just make a fool of myself letting whoever was there know I've been crying on the roof for the past hour. I felt a pair of arms wrap around my body, making me feel warm. I continued to sob, not caring anymore.

"Tone....what's wrong?..." I heard Mike's voice.

"I.....I just feel so alone..." I replied.

"You're not alone...you're with me." Mike whispered into my ear. He pulled me in tighter & let me cry. I turned around & buried my face in his chest. I felt so safe in his arms. I haven't felt safe in a while.

"Never leave me...." I whispered, shutting my eyes.

"I won't." Mike replied. He pressed a soft, long kiss onto my forehead. We stayed out on the roof for what felt like another hour. The whole time we said nothing. He just held me as I cried.

"Tony, let's get you in bed." Mike whispered once I stopped crying.

I didn't say anything. Mike just opened the window & held my hand, leading me inside. He closed the window & turned to me, cupping my face in his hands & kissing me. I loved it when he kissed me. Mike is amazing. I just don't know why he'd ever want someone like me. I wrapped my arms around his waist & deepened the kiss. Our lips move perfectly together. He pulled away after a while & then put me to bed. I lied down & he started walking towards his own bed. I stopped him not wanting him to leave me. I pulled his hand so he could get into bed with me. He got in & wrapped the blanket over us. I looked over at the clock & it read 2:53 am. I lied my head on his chest, held his hand & closed my eyes, falling asleep to the sound of his heart beat.