"WHAT DO YOU WANT ME TO SAY VIC?!!" I practically yelled at his face. He’s done it again after he promised me a thousand fucking times he wouldn’t. We are currently in his car shouting at each others faces while he was driving. We were supposed to go to this classy restaurant and just hang and spend time with each other to make up for all of the times he had totally ditched me this week, but instead were driving home because he had made another stupid attempt to ditch me even though we had been planning this for months now. Today is also our three-year anniversary in case you were wondering why I’m acting such a dick about it.
I honestly really don’t understand why he always lets me down in ways I wouldn’t even think possible. Its like I don’t even know this man, my boyfriend of three years, anymore. He has completely changed half a year ago. He’s different. But I wouldn’t dare, I wouldn’t even think of breaking up with him even though deep down inside I know that this relationship isn’t even good for the both of us anymore, But still I wouldn’t, Why?.. I dont know, part of me says I should but another part of me says no. Maybe because deep down inside I know in my heart that I love him and that He loves me-- or atleast that’s what I like to tell myself. This part of me is hoping, that maybe this is just one of his phases and that we will eventually get through this. He’ll be back again.. the Vic that I know. the Vic that I had fell in love with.

But now it’s different, l dont that part of Vic is coming back anytime soon and most importantly I dont think I could take anymore. Im always like this when we fight. I’m always talking myself out of breaking up with him. You know, ’just be patient Kellin. You love him. It’s just his phase.’ That’s what I tell myself, But how long? how long Kellin? How long will you wait for the other shoe to drop?... Im loosing hope and Im getting paranoid just by waiting for it. You know that feeling when you did something bad when you were little and when your parents will tell you to ’ wait until they get home to punish you’? that feeling when waiting for that ’punishment’ that never came but you’re still waiting just incase, well that’s exactly how I feel whenever Vic and I fight only doubled.

A tear roll down my cheeks which was enough to bring me back to reality. Reality that I was crying again, I quickly wiped off the tear only to have it replaced with another one but this time I was sobbing. I couldn’t help it. I cant take this feeling anymore. I heard Vic sigh before saying..
"Kells, your’e crying again" he said softly and I could feel he’s tired. He’s tired of this.... of me. He was about to let me go this time I know it. so instead of waiting for that ’other shoe to drop’ I realized that I don’t wanna wait anymore. Im just gonna drop it myself, hard on the ground. I let out a sigh and a sob before containing myself.

"Vic. I- I dont wanna do this an-nymore." there I said it. There was silence, no reply from Vic only silence; Actually it was so silent that it was deafening to the ear.

"Vic. please say something." he had his focused on the road the whole time he didnt even looked phased from what I had just said.

"Vic. didn’t you hear me?!. I said I DONT WANT TO DO THIS ANYMORE!!" this time I said it a little louder than before, not to hurt him if thats even possible, but to tell myself that this time it was’nt just all in my mind. I was actually about to let him go, for real this time and its breaking me already.

" I know. I heard you the first time." he said coldly. I felt confusion and hurt rising up, he doesn’t even care anymore. This time I was actually crying louder. He didnt even try to stop me. He was acting so cool about it.

"Then what are you doing?" I said faintly I needed to get this confusion out of me.Why is he acting like this? He pretended like he didn’t even hear me "Answer me Vic." I really need to control myself my eyes are starting to sore.

"Im giving you your fucking space. God! Kellin why do you always have to make this complicated for the both of us!!!" he spatted still not taking his eyes off the road. oh wow. I’m completely speechless right now. eyes wide. jaw dropped.

"What I make it complicated?" I spatted back. seriously? I cant believe him right now.I make it complicated? fuck him.

"Alright stop the car. Im walking home" I ordered I couldn’t even stand to be in the same roof with him right now. Instead of stopping the car, he did the exact opposite and speeded.
"FUCK. VIC! DIDNT YOU FUCKING HEAR ME? I SAID STOP THE FUCKING CAR!" i yelled. I dont need his shit right now.

"NO!. KELLIN. DAMMIT. I GET IT.YOU OBVIOUSLY ASKED FOR YOUR SPACE SO IM GIVING YOU ONE. WE’LL TALK ABOUT THIS WHEN WE GET HOME DAMMIT!. " he yelled back this time making quick glances between me and the road.

Alright this is actually getting me even more pissed. I dont need fucking space I want to break up . I know he knew what I was saying he’s just twisting my words again, just like the first time that I had tried to break up with him.

"FUCK IT VIC! DIDNT YOU UNDERSTAND ME? WERE FUCKING OVER. IM DONE. STOP THE FUCKING CAR!" I yelled at his face again. Im so upset right now. Vic being the douche that he was , got the car even faster. Im surprised there’s no police chasing us.

"NO." he yelled back.

"ALRIGHT SLOW DOWN YOUR’E GONNA GET BOTH OF US KILLED. " I said while digging my nails to my seat he was going so fast right now.

"WHAT’S THE POINT KELLY-BEAR? IF IM GOING TO LOSE YOU?! MIGHT AS WELL DIE RIGHT NOW AND WHAT BETTER WAY TO END IT IS TO END IT WITH YOU." He yelled much to himself than me. He was breaking down. He could’nt even hold it in anymore. I could feel my heart racing. He’s crazy. He’s not really gonna do it..... is he? He went even faster. Fuck where’s traffic when you need one?

"VIC SLOW DOWN! YOUR’E CRAZY"I screamed

"Im crazy for you" He said back. Is he even for real right now?.

"Vic please. I dont wanna die" I begged.

"I love you so fucking much Kellin. Im sorry for making you feel less. " he said intently while looking at me. My heart pounded crazy. I felt it. he was telling the truth. He loves me right? If he didnt he wouldnt do this right now. right?. giving up, I sighed. I feel bad I almost let him go again.
"I love you too Vic. So fucking much." I admitted loudly much to myself. It was a total slap in my face. How stupid could I be to actually almost let him go again?. I mean what was I thinking. I love this guy. I couldn’t believe I almost did that to him. This time Vic slowed the car down and I felt relieved again. He looked at me smiling a bit.

"I know you do. You just needed a little push to admit it" he said while placing one of his hands on mine which made it relaxed a bit and I felt myself releasing the grip I had on the seat and held his like I was holding it for dear life.

"Gosh. I hate you sometimes Vic. but I love you" I said softly while squeezing his hand. he squeezed it back and said.

"I’ll never let you let me go" and with that he stopped the car on the side of the road before wiping the tears off my cheeks and placing a kiss on my forehead.

"I love you so much Kells. Im sorry I’ve been such a dick to you." and just like that whatever I was mad about, I had forgotten already. The things this guy does to me.

Moments later we were on the road again. Vic is so cute when he’s serious. He had his focus on the road while his other hand is placed on mine. I smiled on how cute he is acting.

That short happy moment got ruined by a loud honk coming from this truck that has broke its break or something and is heading towards us. Vic quickly tore his hand off of mine to dodge away from the truck but-----

---

I woke up with an unbelievably amount of pain I feel all over my body and by the beeping sound that was coming from my right. Remembering what had happened, I quickly shot up from the bed that I was laying in. Of course Im in the hospital.

"Aah. Good you’re finally awake" someone Im assuming a nurse said with a smile.

"You’ve been asleep for 2 months now. " she said trying to hide the gloom with her smile.

"Where’s Vic?" I said the first thing I could think of.. all I could think of actually. I didnt even care to think about what she had just said to me before.

"Who?" she gave me a quizzical look as if I didnt even know what I was talking about.

"Vic. my boyfriend. he was with me when the accident happened." I said paranoidly.

"I-I’ll call the doctor" she stuttered and with that she left me here to think about Vic and to where he could possibly be.. Oh God. I hope he’s not dead. tears started prickling down on my lap.

"Aah Mr." he looked at his paper
"Quinn" he said. " You’re awake." he added. No shit sherlock.
"Where’s Vic?" I asked numbly this time.he had this look of sadness on his face. Oh no, Please no.

"Im so sorry but" I started tearing.

"we didnt found his body when the paramedics came" those words were enough to break me. Just when I thought things where finally working out in our relationship, this kind of thing happens. where are you Vic? are you alive? dead?or is this goodbye?

Notes