I found myself sitting alone at the pier with the dark of night comforting me. By now my tears had dried up and all I felt was the numbness that followed. My entire being felt like I had been hollowed out, and left empty. My stomach twisted with unease and my heart was weighted with the lack of closure with Emily. My deceased sister was the person I needed right now; to chase away the demons that lurked around my heart. I sniffled while staring at the inky black ocean, watching as the lonely waves licked the sandbar and receded back to where it belonged. There was nothing more calming than listening to the quiet murmurs of the ocean. I heard hesitant footsteps from behind me, making me tense my shoulders. I feared it’d be Tony or worse Laurel. When I turned my head I saw Mike. He was looking at me with cautious eyes and a small smile.

“What are you doing here?” I asked in a clipped tone.

A part of me was upset with him because he told Tony what I had tried to keep a secret. I didn’t want Tony to know my concerns with Laurel.

“Tony called me.” Mike replied softly. “He’s worried for you.” He added when I hadn’t replied.

I turned my gaze back to the sea, wishing that I could somehow uncomplicated the messy web I got wound up in.

“He shouldn’t be.” I finally spoke. My voice was soft with hints of nostalgia peppering my uneven tone.

“Well he is, and he sent me here to find you.” Mike replied while taking a seat next to me.

“How’d he know where I’d be?” I asked.

“Tony loves you. He looooooovvvees you.” Mike teased while exaggerating the word ‘love’. I let out an involuntary chuckle, giving Mike some relief.

“He knows where your major thinking spots are, so when I told him you weren’t at the diner he told me to check here.” Mike added. “So, what’s wrong?” Mike asked in a concerned tone.

“Everything.” I breathed out after a few moments of silence passed over us.

“How so?” Mike pressed.

“Do you ever feel like no matter how hard you try that you won’t be happy?” I asked.

Mike looked back at me confused. “Are you not happy with Tony?” He asked trying to make sense of my question.

“It’s not that. It’s just—well, I think that I have all this pent up guilt over Emily that I can’t move forward and have a life for myself. Every time I try I end up retrieving back into isolation, allowing all this remorse to eat at my sliver of happiness. And I’ve been trying to be the person Tony wants me to be, but I can’t. I’m not used to just being in one place, planting roots, and getting attached to people. It’s hard for me to do.” As I spoke I could feel myself getting choked up; my words being wound tight in my throat, causing my voice to crack.

In the comfort of the late evening, I found myself being completely honest and open—and with Mike! The need to flee scratched at my brain, but I didn’t want to. I was confused all over again. Half of me wanted to make a run for it while the other half was begging to stay.

Mike looked at me with sympathetic eyes. “Did I ever tell you about my sister?” Mike asked.

I looked at him confused, for I had just poured my heart and soul out into the open yet he’s switching the subject. “I never knew you had a sister.” I commented.

“She was a year younger than me and well—you sometimes remind me of her.” He added with a longing look in his eyes.

I didn’t say anything, for I knew Mike wasn’t finished with what he was saying. “She was a free spirit. When we were kids she’d talk non-stop about wanting to travel and see foreign places, but the striking similarity was that you and my sister, Marcella spoke alike. It was quite shocking to hear something familiar from the likes of you. The sound of your voice and the way you worded your sentence resembled Marcella’s speaking habits.”

Mike grew quiet as he stared out into the ocean. He had a tear glistening in his eyes. It was the first time I ever saw him so vulnerable.

“Are you and your sister not on good terms?” I asked wondering what the relevance was between what I had just said and Mike’s sister.

It was silent. The only noise came from the serene ocean that lapped onto shore, and then finally Mike sighed, continuing to speak.

“Back in high school—when I was a freshmen—Marcella had a hard time. She grew extremely depressed and her peers were horrible. And what sucked even more was that she was by herself in junior high because Vic and I were in high school. We couldn’t always be there to protect her, to save her from the relentless bullies that would pick on her. It was then that she picked up on cutting herself. I remember Vic and I having endless talks about just coming to us, venting to us, and to try and put the blade down. Some days she’d stop and others she barely listened to us.” Mike sighed as he ran his hands through his hair. A sad smile graced his lips and I could tell just where this story was heading, and it didn’t seem like it’d be lightening up at all.

“Anyway, the junior high students were released an hour before the high school, and during those days Vic and I would catch the bus, and our house was the pretty much the last stop. And every day after school Vic and I would race home just to make sure Marcella hadn’t done anything permanent. We were made fun of for sprinting from the bus stop, but I could care less. I just wanted to make sure my sister was okay. She had an acute depression and her emotions were erratic; constantly shifting from highs to lows. One day Vic and I made it home too late because I had detention for getting into a fight. We came home to an overdosed sister with slit wrists. I remember a month went by before we finally went back to school, and on the bus ride home Vic and I no longer had to run home. It killed me to know that.” Mike’s voice cracked and I found myself tearing up at the tragic story.

“I couldn’t help but feel like it was my fault for not being there for her. I failed her. I was supposed to be the older brother who could chase away her worries, but instead she succumbed to her depression.” Mike’s voice crumbled and he began to cry.

“But it wasn’t your fault.” I pointed out.

“I know that now, but it took me years to forgive myself.” Mike said after what seemed to be an eternity. “The point of me telling you this is that you need to forgive yourself. There was nothing you could’ve done to prevent Emily’s death, just like I couldn’t prevent Marcella from not giving into her depression.” Mike urged.

I hadn’t realized I was crying while looking at Mike. My tears trailed hot down my cheek. Mike had an empathetic look and a warm glint in his eyes.

“I’m sorry about your sister.” I whispered as he draped an arm over my shoulders.

“I’m sorry about yours.” Mike offered.

There were a lot of confessions being made beneath the moon and stars; it was also a lot to take in. I sighed while wiping away my stray tears. I wasn’t ready to forgive myself, but I knew that one day I will have to. Mike’s enlightening and heartbreaking story made me realize that I need to make peace with my guilt and that I need to move on from the past.

“Thanks.” I said softly to Mike.

“It’s what friends do for each other.” He answered with a knowing smile.

I grew quiet before saying “What am I gonna do about Laurel?”

Mike let out a small chuckle. “As the wise Luna Lovegood had once said” Mike’s tone then changed into a girly voice before continuing “Well if I were You-Know-Who, I’d want you to feel cut off from everyone else. Because if it’s just you alone you’re not as much of a threat.” Mike recited with a broad smile.

I giggled letting Mike’s nerdiness for Harry Potter fill my heart. I never thought Mike would be filled with so much wisdom.

“You know I’ve never watched any of those movies.” I pointed out.

Mike’s jaw dropped. “You didn’t even read the books?” He asked in shock.

“Nope.”

“No worries because I have the entire collection.” Mike replied with a cheeky smile while I rolled my eyes at him. “Now, are you ready to talk it out with Tony?” He asked brightly.

The truth was that I felt nervous. I didn’t want to face Tony after I just ran out on him. There was only so much Tony could take before walking out on me, and I wouldn’t blame him if he decided to end it with me.

“I think there’s a few things I might need to discuss with him.” I admitted sheepishly.

“Good. Now get up and go make up with yo man.” Mike joked while pulling me to my feet.

---

When I entered mines and Tony’s home the lights were off and the house was quiet. My talk with Mike was helpful and somewhat the kind of therapy I needed. It brought us closer at how open we were with our past lives that I now felt ready to be completely open with Tony. I planned on telling him everything; my fears, my hopes, and my confusion. I entered the bedroom with hesitant steps, but soon was faced to Tony sitting on our bed with a worried expression. When he glanced up I saw the pain that masked his eyes and the tears that were drying on his cheeks. My heart dropped when I saw how hurt Tony looked.

“You came back.” He breathed in relief. Tony walked over to me and pulled me into a tight hug.

“Of course I came back. I love you.” I replied with a small laugh. I hugged Tony back, wondering how someone as sweet as him could love a crazy mess like me.

“I was afraid that you ran.” Tony mumbled sheepishly.

We stood there quietly, embracing each other and basking in the love that was in that embrace.

“Mike talked some sense into me.” I said after a few beats of silence washed over us.

“Why is it that you can easily be open with him but not me?” Tony questioned with a mixture between hurt and jealousy.

By now we were sitting on the edge of the bed; our legs gingerly touching each other. I wasn’t sure how to answer his question, for things with Mike seemed simpler. Maybe it was because Mike and I weren’t intimate and therefore I could confide in him. Maybe it was because I was at the end of my wits and just decided to spill my guts, but whatever the reason I decided to be open with Tony like I had with Mike.

“The reason I ran out earlier is because I let Laurel get the best of me, and with your fans not accepting me I figured my emotions just hit its peak, making me what I do best; which is running.” I confessed. Tony sat silently as he looked at me with warm brown eyes.
“I’m a mess Tony, and I think I’ll always be like this. But I know I love you, and that scares me because all my life I chalked the idea of love to be a weakness, something I couldn’t afford to hold me back since I’m always on the go.” I added in a hushed tone. I could feel all my insecurities building up in my blood as I continued to speak.

“Loving you scares me because at any moment you could figure out you deserve more and leave me, or I could find a way to mess it all up. Before you, I never knew what a relationship could be like. I only ever had drunken one night stands that held no emotions, so I didn’t know what I was missing out on. But now things are different. I have you. You’re my ‘once in a lifetime kind of love’ and if I lose you it’d be like losing Emily, but worse because you chose to leave.” I felt naked—even with the flickering candle nearing its end.

I looked at Tony with teary eyes because all of what I said was the truth. I loved him and I was scared of this level of adoration I have for him. I don’t think my heart could handle if Tony decided to leave me.

“You don’t think I’m afraid of this?” Tony asked. “Effie, I am terrified that I’ll scare you off for loving you too much. Every day I try to give you the space you need, but to be honest all I want to do is keep you in my arms. I never want to let you go.” He replied with a level of urgency in his voice.

“I never fell this hard for someone, and it scares me too. It scares me that sometimes you won’t open up to me, and I don’t want to push you because I know when you’re ready you’ll talk to me. But when I had to hear from Mike that you confided in him and not me, I felt hurt and a little jealous that you didn’t come to me first.” Tony alluded.

Our faces were merely inches apart, so I decided to close the distance between us with a passionate kiss. I poured every emotion running through my veins into this one kiss—in which Tony reciprocated. His hands ran through my hair while I gripped his shirt, pulling him closer to my frame. His tongue traced my bottom lip, asking for entrance and I let him in with no hesitation. Tony pulled back first, breathing heavily with a broad smile on his face.

“Next time Effie, please don’t be afraid to tell me anything. Anything.” Tony stressed.

I smiled warmly back at him before saying “I promise.”

Notes

Holy fuck I actually found time to write the next chapter for this. Sorry if it's lacking and not that great. I think I had so many scenarios going down for this chapter that I decided to have Mike play a bigger role in it. (:

How do you feel about Mike's confession about his sister and Tony's confession???

@lostinthemusic I hope I left you on an okay spot to continue writing (:

Oh, and the credit behind Marcella's story came from a post on tumblr. RIP girly <333

Thanks for reading and I please some comments :D