I looked up from the manila envelope in my hands and glanced at the television as my thumbs continued to fiddle with the small brass clasp that was keeping the envelope shut. I sighed and looked back down, biting my lip. The envelope had been left on my bed a few days ago while I had been in the shower and being as Tony had been at the studio when it had happened, it wasn’t hard to figure out who had left it there.

I thought that things between Laurel had calmed down, being as it had been almost a week since she “threatened” me in the diner and nothing dramatic had happened – even my clothes seemed to be sticking around. I figured maybe she was giving me a chance to accept her threat, to back off, but I of course had no plans to do so. That had changed though when I saw what had been inside this envelope and I realized that she had spent the last week obviously doing her research.

I opened the envelope and frowned down at the contents, not bothering to take out the newspaper clippings because after seeing them the first time, they had already been seared into my memory. The captions were loud and bold, reminding me of a time I thought I was slowly coming to terms with but I had obviously thought wrong as I wiped at the few tears that had managed to escaped as I closed the envelope again but the words were still there, shouting at me.

SIXTEEN YEAR OLD GIRL KILLED IN CAR CRASH

I wasn’t sure how Laurel had found all the articles she had about the crash that had shattered my world and lead me to where I was now but she had and in a way, this was worse than her actually bringing me physical pain. She was once again playing a psychological warfare with me and this time, she had found the most perfect ammunition. I had already blamed myself enough in the past for the crash that killed my life but seeing the news reports had just tugged at the memories and once again I found myself slowly slipping back into my old habits.

I was closing in on myself. I was quiet and recluse, turning down Tony’s countless offers to go to the studio with him. I was getting lost in my memories during the day, often looking at the clock and realizing I had been sitting on the couch for almost an hour, staring at nothing. I was having nightmares again and I knew I was starting to worry Tony but I always told him I was fine, something I knew he didn’t believe but he didn’t press the matter much, something I was grateful for. I threw myself back into work, practically begging Lucky for more hours, anything to distract myself from the feelings I had buried for far too long. It didn’t exactly help that the anniversary of the crash just so happened to be tomorrow either.

I jumped as I heard a loud bang coming from the kitchen and I quickly turned around, seeing that the light was still off but I heard more shuffling around and I quickly tucked the envelope under the couch cushion – being as I hadn’t told Tony about it and I didn’t have any plans to. I glanced at the clock and my heartbeat picked up when I saw that Tony wasn’t due back for another couple of hours and I was certain there was someone in the house with me.

I stood up slowly, trying to be quiet in my movements as I made my way toward the kitchen. I flicked on the light and held my breath but I relaxed when I saw no one in there, well, at least until I saw the open window. Just as I was about to make my way toward it, someone suddenly grabbed me from behind and I let out a piercing scream and immediately starting squirming in their arms.

“Tony!” I yelled, hearing his laughter behind me and I quickly turned around, pushing his arms away from me. “What the hell?” I gasped, clutching my chest as my heart thumped furiously beneath my hand.

He grinned. “I’m sorry, I had to, you didn’t hear me come in and it was the perfect opportunity.”

“Ugh, you’re an asshole,” I muttered as I sighed and he just laughed again. “What are you doing home so early?”

“We finished with the song we were working on and decided to call it a day, why? Are you not happy to see me?” he asked, feigning hurt.

“Of course I am,” I said with a small laugh. “I just don’t appreciate the heart attack you just gave me.”

He grinned and then started walking toward me but he paused as there was a sudden breeze that blew in from the window. He sighed and made his way toward it.

“I wish you wouldn’t leave this window open all the time,” he commented as he slid it shut.

“What do you mean, I’m not the one opening it,” I responded, crossing my arms over my chest.

“Well it’s not me, so who else could it be Eff?” he asked with a small laugh before he made his way over to the fridge.

“I,” I started to say but I paused.

I knew full well that it had been Laurel but I didn’t want to bring her up. I know Mike had told me to tell Tony about how she threatened me at the diner but I didn’t want to cause another fight. Tony looked over at me expectantly, waiting for me to continue but I just glanced down, not wanting him to see what was so obvious in my eyes.

“I guess I just forgot, I’m sorry,” I muttered out lamely and then shrugged before I looked back up at him.

He furrowed his eyebrows as he stared at me, a frown forming on his face. “What’s wrong babe?”

I shook my head and managed a smile. “Nothing, I’m just tired.” I lied and then made my way over to him.

I kissed his cheek quickly before I turned and started walking toward the bedroom but he was right behind me and he grabbed my arm, gently tugging me to face him. “Effie, what’s wrong?” he repeated, concern coating his voice.

I briefly thought about telling him, about everything. About what Laurel had said to me, about how she had left me that envelope filled with all my heartbreaking memories and how I always acted this way around the anniversary of the crash but a part of me was scared. I was scared that he would once again take Laurel’s side and tell me that I was just being foolish and insecure. Not to mention, I didn’t want to take another ride down memory lane any more than I already had.

“Really, I’m fine Tone,” I lied once again, this time more convincingly though, like I said, my old habits were returning and he seemed to believe me.

“You know I love you right?” he asked, pulling me closer to him.

I smiled. “Of course I do. I love you too.” I said quietly leaning against him as he wrapped his arms around me.

I thought back to that manila envelope stuffed under the couch as he placed a kiss on top of my head and I couldn’t help but think back to what happened to the last person who had loved me, who I had loved in return and I was glad Tony couldn’t see the look in my eyes just then because I was positive he would have seen the urge to run once again making its way to the surface.

---

I stared down at the computer screen with somber eyes. I knew that this was going to happen eventually but as much as I thought I had been prepared for this, it still hurt. I knew the fans would have found out about me but I just never expected this reaction. Tony had posted a few pictures of us together before but being as I didn’t have any social networking site myself no one knew who I was and he never mentioned my name in the captions, not like I cared, I knew it was better that way anyway. I scrolled down as I read all the hurtful words from his fans as pictures of my mug shot were plastered all on tumblr.

I wasn’t sure who had started this whole thing but I certainly had an idea. It had to have been Laurel. There was no one else who would have found any pleasure in announcing Tony’s relationship with a criminal. Even if I wasn’t a true criminal in the sense, only having a fraud charge under my belt it still didn’t stop his fans from spitting fire at me.

“You know none of that matters right? They don’t know anything.” I heard Tony say from behind me and I jumped, once again not hearing him return home from the studio.

I sighed and snapped the laptop shut. “Sure.” I muttered and stood up from the couch.

He sighed. “Effie, I’m serious, just ignore it, they don’t know what they’re talking about.”

“It doesn’t change the truth Tony.” I said as I made my way into the kitchen.

“Which is what?” he asked, confused.

“They’re right Tony! I am a criminal. I went to jail, I had to go to trial, even if I was found innocent, we both know the shit I did. Not all of it was legal.”

I wasn’t sure why I was letting their words get to me, well, maybe I did. It was the same reason I had been it such a glum mood lately. Today marked the thirteenth anniversary of the day I caused the car crash that killed Emily. Today’s date only reminded me of how I had managed to destroy my own life. I killed the only person that had ever loved me and I knew it would only be a matter of time before I did the same to Tony. Maybe his fans were right, I didn’t deserve him. I knew that much; I had known it from the very beginning.

“Effie, you only did that stuff to escape your parents, you did what you had to do.” He tried to reason with me but I didn’t believe him, I didn’t want to believe him because I knew he was wrong, he was too good for me.

I shook my head. “Tony, I left you that first time for a reason, a reason I still believe in. I’m no good for you, you deserve so much more than what I can give you.” I said quietly, glancing down at my feet.

He sighed. “Effie, I thought we were past all this. You know none of that matters to me, I don’t care about any of that. All I care about it you. I want you Effie Harper, I don’t care what anyone else has to say on the matter because they don’t know you like I do. You’ve let me in Effie, I’ve seen the beauty behind your destruction, I’ve seen the real you and it’s exactly what I want.” He came closer to me but I took a step back.

“Effie, what’s wrong? Why have you been pushing me away lately, even before this happened, I can tell something’s bothering you, just talk to me.” he pleaded.

I just shrugged. I wasn’t sure why I didn’t want to tell him about the date or about the newspaper clippings, maybe I was afraid that he would finally see me for what I really was. A monster. Maybe once he saw all the proof and all the explanations that I could never explain to him without breaking down in a fit of tears he would finally realize that he was wrong. I was a murderer who didn’t deserve to be loved, not by anyone and especially not by him.

“You know I talked to Mike today,” he started to say, pulling me out of my thoughts. “He asked me if you had said anything about Laurel; is that what this is about?”

“What?” I breathed out, confused.

He sighed. “He said that you said that you thought Laurel was the one who fucked up your car.”

“What?” I repeated. “No, no, god no, this has nothing to do with Laurel; even if I had taken her threat seriously, this has nothing to do with her.” I muttered.

“What are you talking about? What threat?” he questioned and I looked up to see him staring down at me, his face coated in confusion.

I sighed, deciding to tell him. “That night when Mike dropped me off at the diner, when I was waiting for you, Laurel showed up and told me that I needed to back off, that you were hers and that if I didn’t, she would make my life hell.” I explained in a rush, my mind drifting back to something else she said that night.

Well at least I’m not some criminal who will drag Tony down with her.

Maybe Laurel wasn’t so crazy after all.

“What?” Tony said loudly, making me jump. “Effie, how come you didn’t tell me?”

I shrugged. “You wouldn’t have believed me. You didn’t before.”

He gaped at me before he ran his hand across his face in frustration. “Effie, that was before she actually came up and spoke to you. Effie, Laurel isn’t right in the head and if she actually said she would harm you, more than likely she means it.”

I just shrugged again. “It’s not like it matters anyway.”

“What?” Tony asked, confusion on shock prominent on his features.

“She said that she would make my life a living hell. She doesn’t already know that it is. I’ve been living in hell since the moment Emily died, since the moment I killed her.” I whispered and then turned on my heel.

I heard Tony call after me but I couldn’t stop, my feet wouldn’t let me as I made my way outside. I heard him continuing to call my name but it was soon drowned out by the smacking of my feet on the pavement and the panting of my breath as I started to run. I wasn’t sure where I was going, nor did I care, all I knew was that as the sun continued to sink in the sky, I was being welcomed into the warm embrace of my long forgotten friend.

I continued to run until I was surrounded by the dark and for the first time since meeting Tony, I didn’t see any sign of light.

Notes

welp, this chapter took a depressing turn. I'm sorry, I swear I didn't plan it like that but it just kind of happened, and that being said, I'm not too happy with it so hopefully @Lost in Neverland can make up for my crummy update, sorry if I left you in a bad spot friend! :/

Feedback is apprecaited and as always, thank you guys for reading <3