A Light in the Dark

To say I was avoiding Tony would’ve been the understatement of the year. I called in sick to work these past two nights and I even avoided going to the diner. The way I’ve been spending my past few nights was being cooped up in my apartment, watching old movies while eating my weight in chocolate chip cookies.

It didn’t feel right to face Tony when all I was going to do was shut him out whenever he thought he could gain an inch of me. He’s the first guy who wants to know me, and that scares me. If he knew who I was, who the real Effie was he’d think I was a monster. It’s the reason why my parents left me all those years ago; even they thought I was a terrible person.

I rubbed my eyes awake to the sound of silence echoing throughout the house. I figured my parents were too busy mourning the death of Emily. It had been roughly two weeks since her funeral, and all my parents ever did was either drink away their blues or openly voice out that Emily’s death was my fault. I didn’t mind their accusations because deep down I knew it was my fault. I knew that if I hadn’t distracted her, that she would be alive today, and my life would be ultimately different right now.

I got out of bed and padded down stairs with the intentions of making myself breakfast, but when I got down I noticed that everything was gone. For a brief moment I panicked. I thought someone broke into our house and took our belongings. I quickly rushed up the steps to my parent’s room to let them know, but when I got to their room it was empty as well.

That’s when I realized this wasn’t a robbery, but rather abandonment. I felt my heart sink into the depths of my stomach as I collapsed to the wooden floor. I sobbed, my chest shaking from the harsh cries escaping my lips. They left me behind. They left me because they didn’t want to live with a monster. They didn’t want to acknowledge a murderer. I felt the darkness of my depression swallow me up as I laid on the floor, my head hurting from crying way too much and my throat sore from sobbing way too loudly.

That day I packed all of my clothes and grabbed my small stash of money and left my home behind. I didn’t dare look back as I went to the bus stop and bought my first ticket out of this place.

My cell phone began to ring, jolting me away from my thoughts. I realized that my cheeks were wet from crying. Thinking back to that day only makes me realize that I’m indeed not worth getting to know. After composing my voice, I answered my phone without checking the caller ID.

“Hello?” I asked.

“Effie, it’s Lucky. How’re you feeling today?” He asked sounding more like a concerned father than my boss.

“Better, I guess.” I lied. There was never gonna be a day where I’ll be okay.

“Good because I need you to come in tonight, we're a bit busy and understaffed.” Lucky informed me. I could hear the desperateness in his voice.

I was hesitant at first, but I couldn’t let Lucky down. “Yeah, I’ll be there before 5 that way I can help stock the shelves and whatnot.” I replied while glancing at the time on my phone.

“Thanks doll.” He said before hanging up.

It was 4:13 which means I had roughly 30 minutes to get ready before hauling ass over to the bar. I quickly hopped into the shower, rinsing away the thoughts of my past. It took me 20 minutes to get ready which was great because it meant that I could walk to work instead of having to drive. Walking helped clear my head, allowing me to enjoy the time to myself. I arrived at Lucky’s in no time. I quickly walked right in, offering my help before heading to the back room to grab out a few boxes of Jameson and Jim Bean. Whiskey was a top seller in this place, so Lucky made sure he had an assortment of imported alcohol.

“Thanks for coming in.” Lucky commented as I brought out a box of Jack Daniels from the back.

“Of course, I mean it is my job.” I replied sarcastically which in return Lucky rolled his eyes.

I was glad that I decided to be back at work, it helped me not over think so much because I was too busy taking orders and making them. My idle time at home made me think too much about what happened after Emily's death. All my decisions weren't winners.

Lucky was right though, tonight was busy. Aside from our regulars, there were tons of new faces crowding the bar. It was almost too much to keep up with.

“Trying to avoid me?” I heard a familiar voice say. I looked up to find Tony looking at me with a somewhat hurt expression. His eyes seemed hollow, as if he hadn't slept at all these past few nights.

I sighed as I handed off a Tropic hurricane to a giggly blonde. “Not now, Tony.” I replied while gesturing to the abundance of people in need of their alcohol fix.

“There’s never a right time with you, is there?” Tony asked; his voice had a slight edge to it.

I would be lying if I said that his question didn’t hurt me.

“I’m working, okay. If you wanna talk then let’s do it after I’m done with my shift.” I snapped making a few customers jump from the tone of my voice. “Sorry.” I muttered to them as I continued to work on a few more orders.

Tony didn’t move from where he stood, instead he took a seat at the bar and sat quietly, his eyes glued onto me. A part of me loved the fact that Tony was here, but the other part of me—which was somehow the more dominant part of me—wanted him to forget me, to move on because I’m too damaged to even bother with. By the time 3 rolled around I asked Lucky if I could leave early. Thankfully he let me go, considering I wasn’t really supposed to work today. Lucky handed me my tips then waved me goodnight before I met up with Tony. He had a few too many drinks and was red in his cheeks, but he was sober enough to follow me out the bar and into the dark of the morning. I closed my eyes, breathing in the cool air as I waited for Tony to regain his sobriety.

“We’re gonna do that question game thing you suggested that one night at the diner.” I said sternly. I knew this game would probably have me end up in tears, but I didn’t wanna beat around the bush if I knew Tony wanted to ask me something slightly uncomfortable.

“Okay.” Tony agreed. “I’ll go first.” He said then pondered for a moment before his eyes lit up with a question “Your tattoo, how does it represent the death of your dreams?” He asked in a low voice.

I looked off into the night, knowing this was probably gonna be the question he’d ask. It was hard to explain, even now I don’t think I could articulate a sentence well enough to explain it clearly.

“If I tell you this, I don’t want to see pity in your eyes.” I warned, my voice serious.

“I promise.” He vowed then clasped his hand around mines. His hand around mines made me feel safer, even with the dark of the night enveloping us as we walked.

“I had a sister, Emily who was the world to me. She was my best friend.” I said softly, looking straight ahead at nothing in particular. “When we were younger we promised each other we’d see the world together. That was what I wanted: to be with my sister going on adventures and never having any regrets.” I said then felt myself sniffle because I never told anyone about Emily. Emily was my secret, and here I was telling Tony my secrets.

“Well I never got to travel with her because she died when I was thirteen. She was only sixteen.” I hiccupped, feeling a few tears trail down my face. Tony walked next to me quietly, but this time instead of holding my hand he draped an arm over my shoulders and pulled me closer to the length of his body.

“She died because I distracted while she was driving. I’m the reason she’s dead.” I practically shouted. “I unknowingly killed my dreams.” I sobbed. This time we stopped walking and Tony wrapped his strong arms around me, allowing me to sob into his chest.

“It wasn’t your fault.” He cooed.

“You weren’t there.” I cried.

“Effie, listen to me.” Tony said while cupping my chin and angling my face to look into his eyes. “You are far from being a terrible person. You are beautiful inside and out. You can still travel though, maybe not with your sister but from the stories you told me you have been traveling a lot.” Tony exclaimed, trying to cheer me up.

I just stood next to him, quietly soaking up his words.

“I want you to know this—Effie, I love you.” Tony whispered; his lips next to my ear. I could feel the warmth of his breath hitting my face. I was speechless, at a loss for words, because for once I didn’t wanna run away from something that made me feel vulnerable.

Notes

Thanks for all the birthday wishes!! Y'all made me feel special haha.

Well I hope I didn't mess anything up for @lostinthemusic with this chapter. I had no idea where I was going with my writing until I found myself at this point.

Oh well, I hope you're all enjoying the story, and tell us what ya think of it :D

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