Without You There Is No Me

I looked across Aidan's room and saw Carrie writing down some notes. She started school this week and has been trying her hardest to keep up with her homework. She was frowning, deep in thought. Carrie was oblivious to me watching her.
"You girls are boring." Mike companied. "I'm going to make a snack." he said. Mike got up and was heading towards the stairs up out of the basement.
"Wait!" I exclaimed. "I'll come too." I rushed.
"I can get you something." he offered.
"No, I want to come." I said quickly. Mike raised his eyebrows at me but I just shrugged. Maybe I'm getting paranoid, but I am not taking any chances. It's not so much something happening to me, more how Vic will cope if I was gone. I don't want to put him through any of that.
I followed Mike upstairs. I shut the door behind me and sighed in relief. Mike looked at me strangely and I went with Mike into the kitchen. "So, what's up?" Mike asked.
"What do you mean?" I asked.
"I mean why are you scared of Carrie."
"I'm not scared."
"Okay." he said disbelievingly. Mike went to the fridge and started taking things out. He threw me some chocolate and I jumped up onto the counter.
"Maybe a little bit scared." I suddenly said.
"Why?" he asked seriously.
"Rich told me something." I explained.
"What did he say?" Mike asked. He sat next to me on the counter and I looked down at my lap.
"He said that they're trying to kill me again."
"What?" Mike gasped. "But you went through all of this . . . bullshit. You should be able to live happily now."
"Apparently what I'm doing is wrong." I sighed. "The bad people don't like that I'm going to help The Haunted."
"What does this have to do with Carrie?"
"She's vulnerable. Rich thinks she's at risk of being possessed to hurt me or Vic all while she's getting ready for her own attack." I told him. "Rich said to make sure me and Vic are never in the same room as her alone."
"Oh, so that's why you ran out. And Vic has been acting weird too."
"He has?" I asked.
"Not weird enough for everyone to notice. But I've noticed. He wouldn't tell me what happened either."
"He's scared he'll lose me again." I said.
"And you?"
"What about me?" I asked.
"Are you scared you're going to die? Are you scared about all of this stuff that's going on?" Mike asked carefully.
"I'm scared. Just not for me." I admitted.
"For Carrie?"
"No. Or I am scared but I know it's possible to get through it. She's a little like me, I know she can get through it. If not for me or for herself, for Tony."
"Then why are you scared?" Mike asked.
"I'm scared that I'll die and Vic will be left to pick up the pieces." I explained. "He'll be left to feel the grief that will drown him as if he were stranded at sea. He'll be left seeing my things and my photos and having the memory of me forever with him as he lives a long life without me. Vic will meet other people and move on. He may even fall in love again, but it will all be without me. I'm terrified that he won't be able to cope and will tear into the beautifully tanned skin that I am so fond of. He's strong enough to end his life and the thought of that sickens me. All he could do is feel it.
"But most of all Mike as selfish as it sounds I'm absolutely scared to death that he will move on without me because as much as it pains me I know that Vic's heart is large enough to love someone that isn't me. I have terrible nightmares about this because I don't understand how any of this cannot happen. It's sure to happen.
"When I die I believe I will be able to see what is happening in the lives of those I have left behind and to see Vic move on would tear me apart inside. When I'm not with him it hurts, Mike. Right now I'm in pain. Vic only went home to change and I know he'll be back by my side in less than an hour. But the pain in my chest feels like I'm suffocating. It gets hard to breathe. I still don't know why love hurts so much. Is it even worth it?" I said quickly. The words were just tumbling out of my mouth.
"Hannah." Mike sighed heavily. "Love . . . it's painful. And I know what everyone is thinking. I just know it. I'm not the guy who falls in love so what the hell would I know about it. There's you and Vic, then there's Carrie and Tony. Even Jess and Jaime are in love, as much as they may deny it. So there's just me. I'm on my own, which I am fine with. But I'm lonely and that isn't okay. No one can help it." he shrugged. "But that doesn't mean I don't know about love. I've watched it develop and I've seen it. It's so beautiful and I'm so envious of the way Vic feels.
"You may think that it isn't worth it but you are so wrong. So fucking wrong, Han'. Without it what are we? Lost souls full of hatred, who spend their time bitching and sniping because life drew us a short straw. I can't picture any of you without it. Whenever you feel like this just remember that I'm jealous of you. It's better to feel love's burn than to not feel it at all. For once Shakespeare or whoever the fuck said that was right. When you feel like that just picture Vic saying the words, 'without you there is no me' because I promise you that's what he's thinking." Mike finished.
I sat for a while staring at the floor. I wrung my hands together and finally leant up against Mike. He wrapped his arm around me. He blew my hair as he sighed. "I had no idea you felt that way. I'm sorry." I finally mumbled.
"There you have it. It's all out in the open, Han'."
"Why is life so bad?" I asked flatly.
"Life sucks and then you die."
"Thanks." I muttered sarcastically.
"Hey, living an exciting life is like hot cakes. Everyone wants it but what people don't get is that eventually you'll get bored of it. That or too many people will create too many hurdles because they're jealous of it. Then bam! You find yourself drowning in the syrup of lies and the chocolate sauce of hate and being stabbed in the back with a butter knife." he explained casually.
"Thanks for that." I smiled against him. "You'll find your someone, Mike." I added.
"I don't know about that, sweet heart." he replied easily.
"You will." I countered.
"Do we need to go back to the chocolate sauce of hate?"
"No, we don't." I said lightly.
"You're a good girl. You're good for him."
"That's what I tell myself." I sighed. Mike squeezed me and leaned down to kiss my head.
"Grab your gun and ammo, Han'. I think you might need it soon." Mike suddenly said. I nodded against him and felt his arm tighten around me in a protective manner.

Notes

Hey! What did you think? Not much happened here but it's possibly my favourite of this story so far. Hannah and Mike got very deep. Do you like this sort of stuff every once in a while? If you have any favourite quotes from this let me know, I'd be really interested! :)

Also before I forget I've been getting a lot of messages off you guys asking me to read your stories and give you feedback so you can improve. I'm not a professional! But I do love giving you feedback and apparently I'm good at it and you feel like it helps you. So I'm offering to do it. I enjoy doing it so if you'd like to work with me on that then just message me! I promise I don't bite :)

I'll also be taking requests for personalised one shots. I'll probably be doing two a week depending on how many people ask me to do one. If you'd like one done just message me and I'll ask you a few questions so I know what sort of one shot you're looking for.

Sorry for the long note! Forgive me guys! :)