A Match Into Water

I'm sick of living everything goes wrong in this life, nobody will miss me or even care. I decided to wait outside my local shop so I could ask someone to go in a buy me the biggest bottle of vodka there so when I overdose my body will already be weaker making it harder to fight back. I asked my friend that I knew who was 19 (because I knew he would get served) to buy me a bottle if I gave him the money, he came round and said he would be more than happy to for me. So he walked in and came out with a massive bottle he passed it to me and I put it in my bag so nobody would see what I have and gave him a big hug knowing that would be the last hug I will give and receive and said goodbye.

I walked home very calm and collected knowing this was the end. I opened the door expecting to be interrogated about why I hadn't been at school however I was surprised that I hadn't, I walked into the kitchen to find a note on the table. "Hey Alisha, I've had to go to an emergency conference in Scotland so I will be away for 3 days. I've have left £50 pounds if you need food or anything, I'm sorry.....from Mum x" This is perfect. She will not be able to stop me, nobody will. I looked in the cupboards to find anymore pills....I was looking for about 2 or 3 minuets before I found some heart medication that mums ex had I grabbed the bottle of pills and took it upstairs along with my bag containing the vodka.

I pulled out the vodka as I dumped my bag on the floor and placed it on the bed side table while I pulled out my other pills that I already had. I decided to look in the mirror for the last time remembering how that vile creature touched my 3 years ago today. I analysed my body looking at the imperfections on my body, I pulled out my razor and cut for the last time engraving the words of whore, ugly, slag, stupid, fat, desperate, Amber and Vic. I put these words so the post-mortem examiner can read my thoughts, well what I felt about myself anyway and how much Vic and Amber meant to me. Alongside the words there was angry red slashes I didn't bother to wipe away the blood I just let it drip off my and let it entwine with the carpet fibers.

I walked over to my bed and sat down opened the vodka and bottles of pills I began to pour some out when I thought I have nothing to leave them to explain why. I pulled out some paper and a pen and began to write.

"To who ever finds this note first,
I apologise for the mess and for the fact you had to find my body, I know its a vile thing to look at when its not dead. If you hadn't guessed already this is my suicide note. I hate life all together I've had enough of the memories and thoughts. I cant deal with it anymore I have been for 3 years, 3 years today. I have had enough with not being wanted and with looking at my vile body everyday, every single day. You can imagine what its like to wake up and wish you was dead. I hope that you will never know that pain, even if your my worst enemy. That's how bad this pain is that I feel. I'm sorry my family and friends had to put up with such a fuck up but you wont anymore. I don't want anyone to feel sorry for me of think it was their fault why I died. I love you all, this isn't goodbye just a farewell for now."

I began to well up and a few tear drops feel on the paper smudging some ink, I pulled away folded it up and placed it into my pocket so if I went out I would be ok and I will know people will find it.

I heard my phone buzz multiple times so I walked over to my bed and looked at the messages and missed phone calls.....there all from Vic.

"Come back Alisha x"

"Hey sweetie I hope your okay, text me ? x"

"I am worried, don't do anything stupid! x"

"Babe I'm coming to find you if you don't answer x"

I ignored all the messages and began to place the tablets in my mouth as I washed them down with vodka before I realised one bottle of pills were gone, I quickly downed my others and began to feel the effects. I was in so much pain I fell to the floor and curled up in a ball shielding myself when I heard my phone buzz again I looked at it.

From - Vic x
"I am coming round to yours now, I have directions I should be there in half an hour. x"

I remembered I left the door open but I couldn't move to go lock it so I left it realising it was no good he would be too late. As I was sat in body crippling pain I began to think about my life and what has happened all the memories good and the bad, I was smiling even though there was tears of pain rolling down my cheek. Time passes by so slowly like this it most have been about 20 or 25 minuets I began to black out, my world went fuzzy and all I could hear was my music in the back ground with the faint noises. I couldn't see anything only hear, my hearing slowly faded and my whole world went black...pitch black. This is it, I was going to die. I'm dying.

Notes

HAPPY NEW YEAR EVERYONE!!!

So what is going to happen next?!?

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