A Match Into Water

~A few days later~

Things between me and Vic have just gotten worse and worse recently.

He doesn't seem to want to spend any time we me, he doesn't reply to my texts and most importantly we don't talk about the future anymore.....these things are what have kept me going in this pathetic excuse for a life I have.

I sat there in the darkness of my room all night thinking about what is happening between us, all I wanted to do was cut for doing this to him...pushing him away.

Before I knew it, it was 8 in the morning, I guess my thoughts had consumed me once again.

I had got a text from Vic at 7 this morning saying that he didn't think it was working and he's finding it hard to deal with me.

I sat in my bed crying looking at my phone knowing that this was the end of the perfect relationship that I have ever had.

- My baby <3
Wait...what? What do you mean?

I pressed send and got a reply instantly.

"What I'm saying is I cant handle this anymore Alisha, what you do to yourself....I just cant handle it"

With every word I read I could just hear him saying it to me as if he was sat right next to me.

I couldn't control the tears.

- My baby <3
I haven't cut for months, I'm so sorry that I have done this to you....I told you I was poison. I love you and I hope you have an amazing life with someone you truly love and that you will be happy with....I hope she is the opposite of me.

I was sat there in the clothes that he had given me crying on the teddy he had also given me....I started playing with the necklace he had given me too thinking about all the memories we have had, looking through all our pictures........fuck I'm in pieces.

My phone chimed.

"I want you to be happy and I don't want you to do anything stupid I just cant do this anymore I'm sorry it has to end this way"

I completely broke down.

I knew it was too good to be true, I fucking knew it....nobody can love this.

I threw my phone onto the bed and walked into the bathroom, I got out my razor and sliced everything I could see...every single part of my flesh.

I watched the blood pour in satisfaction as I forgot everything that had happened.

I sat there peacefully for a few moments until everything came back.....I can't remember ever feeling this bad even after I lost my baby.

This pain is new and so unfamiliar to me, I don't know how to handle it.

I sat on my bathroom floor crying, I remembered I had pills left and I had enough money to go get some vodka and cigarette's.

I got up off the floor, grabbed the pills and changed into some clean clothes, I grabbed my phone and purse and started walking.

I pulled out my phone wanting to call Vic to see if he'd help make me feel okay again but then I thought we don't go out anymore, it still hadn't clicked that I'm now alone.

I walked into the shop and bought a bottle of vodka and a pack of 20 Sterling fresh burst cigarette's.

I walked up to the lake fag in hand puffing away thinking about my lungs slowly filling with tar and that thought satisfied me greatly.

I walked up to my favourite hill when nobody comes pass and I sat there.

When I was sat there for over 2 hours just crying I just screamed at the top of my lungs.

"WHY? WHY FUCKING ME?!?!?!?!" I couldn't help but scream louder every single time.

I sat there having another fag just thinking of how shit my life is, I decided to grab the pills out of my pocket and place them on the floor next to me while I took a long drink of the vodka.

After sitting in silence I finally unscrew the cap and began to swallow the pills one by one, I pulled out my phone and decided to say goodbye to my best friend.

- Amber
Hey, I'm so sorry but I have to go...I can't stay here anymore. I love you so much!

I pressed send crying as I held my phone close to my chest.

As I took the rest of the bottle of pills and downed the vodka I decided to pull out my blade and cut my wrists.....this time there will be no attempt of suicide it will just be suicide.

I sent one last text to Vic as the pills began to take there desired effect.

- My baby <3
I'm so sorry, I'm going to leave now so that you don't have to be bothered by me anymore.....I love you Vic Fuentes.

I pressed send just in time as my world began to spin....I found comfort in knowing nobody can stop it this time and that I was finally going to stop poisoning people.

Finally I was in complete darkness.....thank you.

Notes

So Alisha and Vic have spilt up as a result of Vic not being able to handle her anymore.

So guys I know its a really depressing chapter however I needed to get this out of my system as I have just broken up with my boyfriend Glen earlier today....sorry if I don't update for a while it just its obviously upset me quite a lot...

I hope everyone reading is okay and doing well, don't forget to message me if you need to talk okay guys...I love you all!!