A Match Into Water

~ A few days later ~

I kept my distance from Vic as I grew more and more weary that I could be pregnant again...but is it just me being paranoid as there is a good reason I haven't come on my period it could be because of all this stress with me considering going to the police, the fact I haven't been eating again and the reason I'm bloated could be either my previous baby bump still being intact, I'm bloated because I'm not eating......why am I worrying it's probably just because I'm not eating that's all.

I still kept my distance as I spiralled into a hopeless place of sever depression being disgusted in myself, I mean I'm fucking vulgar he doesn't need this in his life he can do so much better...

I heard the doorbell ring a few minuets later forgetting Vic was coming round today, I sat on my bed for a few moments calming my breathing then went to go open the door.

"Hey..." I pulled the sleeves of my jacket over my hands and crossed my arms.

"Morning darling....you okay?" He asked after looking at me for a few moments.

"Yeah of course I'm just cold" I lied not wanting him to worry about his stupid, pathetic girlfriend.

"Hmmm okay, we going upstairs?" Vic hummed as he spoke in disbelief.

"Yeah if you want to" I began to walk up the stairs with Vic following me.

We went into my room where we sat on my bed I decided to grab my laptop and put a film on for us to watch.....as the film started Vic asked me to go cuddle with him, I was in unbearable pain with the memory pain of my miscarriage taking it's course again.

I just nodded and smiled at him and did as he wished, Vic began spooning me and placed hiss hands on my stomach....I moved them instantly as I didn't want anyone to touch my stomach.

"What's wrong Leesh?" Vic seemed concerned.

"Nothing I just don't want you to touch my stomach"

As the film progressed Vic fell asleep so I decided to get off the bed and let him sleep due to him being tired, I grabbed my laptop and put on tumblr I decided to look at pictures of skinny girls.....I sat on the floor in crippling pain crying at the sight of how skinny these girls are and how fat and vulgar I am.

I sat there thinking to myself how I am and not being able to understand how Vic could love this piece of shit I mean how?

I silently cried for a good half an hour with my earphones in full blast trying to ignore the world and these feelings but I couldn't help it I just detest myself so fucking much.

Suddenly I saw Vic roll over and look at me, I pulled out my head phones and as I did so he just rolled back over. I knew it he cant stand to look at me either, deep down he knows I'm fat, vile and ugly.

Wow I'm such a fucking failure.

I just want to take them pills and for it all to be over now...

Notes

So Alisha has spiralled back into sever depression and is no longer eating to get the body she wants.

I looked earlier and I am on the most popular page which is fucking awesome thank you guys!!! Unfortunatley I will not be writing for 2 weeks as I am away on an army cadet training camp.

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