Because of the loud knock on my door, I opened my eyelids. My head hurt from crying and I could feel my eyes were swollen. I didn’t want to open the door after I reminisced what had happened yesterday. I sniffed and stood up, wanting to check myself on the mirror when I could hear Val said, “Tony.”

I didn’t answer. I stopped from going to the mirror. After I have trusted her for years for not telling me the fact that she had told mom, she now had the courage to speak to me? I felt so mad at her.

“Mom said it’s time for you to go to school.”

As if I didn’t know that.

---

I managed to leave the house without seeing my mom. At school, I felt more lonely than usual. Blaise was busy with his training and I really need someone to talk to. I wanted to talk to Blaise but thinking of him made me feel stupid. I felt like I’ve betrayed Val because I liked him so I tried to not think of speaking to him.

I have no mood to do anything. I have no mood to eat or learn. I didn’t have any mood to live.
I might be overreacting but I feel like I’m the fucking idiot here. After all these years, my mom tried to not kick me out of the house because I’m gay. I was a burden to my mom. Now I know why Val was her favourite. Val, the person that I loved and trusted the most, was the one who told my mom what I have been trying to hide from her for years. I have been betrayed.

I stayed back at the library because I wasn’t ready to go home yet. I might have more chance of meeting my mom if I come home late but if I go home early, I would have to face Val and I didn’t think I was ready to look at her yet.

I have tried reading books but it was no use. I can’t focus on reading and the only thing that worried me most on how I was going to live from today onwards. Everything changed. Now that I know my mom had troubles breathing the same air as me, I felt more worthless than ever.
What’s the use of living under the same house with a person who loathed you? Even worse, that person is the one who gave birth to you.

I wanted to sleep in the library but I can’t.

When I felt it was time, I got out of the library. I was walking with my head down when I heard my name was being called by a familiar voice.

“Hey, Turtle,” Mike called as he placed his hand on my shoulder.

I didn’t have the energy to look up to him so I just stared at the ground while he continued to talk as if he didn’t get the hint that I wanted to be left alone.

“What are you doing here all alone? I have been searching for you. I didn’t see you during recess at the cafeteria.” I was at the toilet, trying to stop thinking. “I couldn’t even find you during class.” Of course, idiot, we don’t have any same class today. “I stayed back to look for you at the library because I knew you’d be here but Mr. Lockhart asked me to help with – hey,” he finally paused. His voice changed.

Then he continued with a concerned voice, “What’s wrong, Tone? You okay?”

That was it.

That was when I actually broke down in front of him while kept on muttering, “Everything.”

I cried and sobbed. I fell down on my knees as I cried; my hands were covering my eyes as I was too embarrassed to show him my hideous face. I was sobbing and I could actually tell that I look pretty horrible. He must’ve thought that I was an idiot.

I’ve been trying to not cry for the whole day but I couldn’t. Finally, someone who actually cared. Someone who actually asked whether I was okay or not. His question might be simple but the answer to his question made me broke down.

I waited for him to go away or kick me or say something mean but he didn’t. Instead, I could feel him wrap his arm around my shoulder and kissed my temple. I was surprised by the sudden kiss but he made me forget when he squeezed my shoulder while whispering into my ear, assuring me that everything was going to be okay.

“It’s okay, let it all out.”

He didn’t ask me what made me cry. He wanted to calm me down. He understood that if he asked me that, I would cry even harder. I eventually stopped no longer after that. After realizing that I’ve been crying in front of him, I actually wanted to run away but he kept his arm on my shoulder so tightly.

He helped me stand up and he wouldn’t let go of my shoulder. I stared at the ground while we were walking. We didn’t say anything and it didn’t feel awkward at all. I was too sad to feel awkward.

He sat me down on the nearest bench and handed me tissues. I took the tissues and wiped it on my eyes while he was staring at me.

“Are you ready to tell me what’s wrong?”

I kept quiet for a while, thinking whether to tell him the truth or just kept quiet. He seemed to take the hint and said, “It’s okay really, if you –”

“Me, that’s what’s wrong,” I answered as I wiped my tears. My voice was cracking a bit.

“Don’t say that,” his voice was soft.

“I fucked things up,” I continued.

“Everybody fucked up,” he said. “You’ll get over it. I’m pretty sure –”

“You won’t understand,” I snapped because I swore he won’t. “My own sister betrayed me. My mom hates me. I can’t be who I am.”

“Tell me about it. If you want to, put all the blame on me. I don’t mind if that’s going to make you feel better. Let it all out. I hate seeing you like this.”

I looked at him as I bit my lower lip. I didn’t know what to do. I was really mad and disappointed in myself – I didn’t care whether the boy who was sitting beside me was my crush or not, I did what I wanted to during the moment. I told him everything. I even told him that I was gay. By the time we reached that part, I have expected him to feel disgusted and run away but no, he stayed and listened.

He kept on telling me that it’s okay to be gay. And I told him that he wouldn’t understand because he wasn’t like me.

I continued. After I finished, he then asked me to scream at him which I just couldn’t because so far, he didn’t do anything wrong except for fucking with my feelings. But he said that I should pretend that he was Val or my mom and then yell at him.

I thought that idea was absurd at first but I eventually gave in and did it. Although I was letting out everything to him and pretended that he was Val or my mom, he laughed.

Mocked, I asked angrily, “What are you laughing about? You were the one who suggested this.”

“Don’t be mad, Turtle,” he said between his laughs. “You’re cute when you’re mad.”

I blushed and hit him. I yelled some more and then he did something that made me laugh and he laughed and we laughed. Soon enough, I was searching for air to breathe because we were laughing too much. My eyes were getting teary but it was because of the joke he made.
I was still laughing when he seriously but softly said to me, “I hope you’re not gonna be sad anymore because it made me feel even sad.”

I stopped laughing. Surely, that would sound okay if he was talking to a girl but he was talking to me. I thought he was joking so I laughed and he laughed too. Soon enough, we were on our way home with an awkward silent.

When we almost reached my house, I asked him to go straight to his house but he refused to. He wanted to bring me home and insisted that he didn’t give a fuck if my mother saw. Of course he didn’t give a fuck, but I did!

We stopped in front of my house and I thanked him.

“Thanks, Mike.”

“Sure, Turtle, just don’t be sad anymore, alright?”

I smiled. I didn’t know what happened next but before I could blink, he had leaned down and pressed his lips against mine. My eyes widened and I could hear my heart thumping against my rib cage. I was positive that my cheeks were red as I felt hot. I have never kissed anyone before and now, Mike kissed me.

Doesn’t that mean I finally had my first kiss with the boy I really, really, really like?

Notes

hiya guys! how are you all? I finally got to read all ur comments and I must say, you guys are adorable! Can't believe Val has so many haters though. She's an okay person, I swear. it's just that she's a cockblocker eheh

Tony finally had his first kiss and perrentes finally kissed! CanI get a hell yeah? lol jk
so what do you guys think of the chapter? Do you guys like it?
leave ur thoughts on the comment section below! :D

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love y'all

on the other hand, if you like this story, why don't you check out my other one? tell me what you think! click here