*Kellin’s POV*

It’s been a day since Vic and I got into that fight and we still didn’t talk since then. The worst part of it all was that it was my fault. I shouldn’t have snapped at him, he didn’t deserve it. I shouldn’t have pushed him to go to that party either. Vic did not just dislike these parties, they also made him feel terrible. And I knew that, so I was supposed to be more understanding. Of course I should have had more patience, but sometimes it was just hard for me to accept that he didn’t like these kind of things. That’s still not an excuse for snapping at him though. I didn’t even call or text him to apologize. I didn’t have the guts to. What if he was so angry at me he wouldn’t talk to me? What if he was going to break up with me? I couldn’t handle that, so I decided to wait until tomorrow. After the party we could talk about this.

*Vic’s POV*

I spent the whole morning in bed. Sometimes you just have these mornings when you don’t feel like getting up, just because you don’t see the point of it. Kellin and I would spend this day together, but that wasn’t going to happen now. This day was useless. I wished it was over already.

Okay, maybe I spent more time in bed than just the morning. My mother would’ve kicked me out ten times by now, but as my parents are in some hotel together this weekend I didn’t see why I should leave the only place where I felt safe right now. Right here, in this bed, nothing bad could happen to me. Nobody was going to hurt me. There was nothing I could fuck up. The longer I stayed here, the better it was.

Suddenly Mike stormed into my room. “And now you’re getting out of bed,” he shouted. “You can’t stay in the damn bed forever. Seriously Vic, I know you feel like shit, but this is not gonna help. ”

When I shook my head Mike walked to my bed and grabbed my blanket. Within a second he had pulled it of me. “God damn it Mike!” I cursed, but then I realized something that was much worse than getting out of bed. I quickly stuck my left arm under my pillow, but I was too late already.

Mike’s face softened. “What’s that?” he asked, pointing at my left arm that was still lying under my pillow in a really uncomfortable way. Was his voice shaking? Shit, why did Mike always notice everything? I couldn’t even hide it for him for a single day. I must be the worst big brother ever for making him so worried about me all the time. Damn it.

“Nothing,” I still tried, but I knew it was pointless. Mike sat down on my bed and pulled my arm towards him.

“These are new,” he said softly. I looked at my feet. I didn’t want to look into Mike’s eyes, because I knew what I would find there. Disappointment. Pain. Pity. Maybe even tears. I didn’t want to look into my brother’s eyes, because I knew I was the one who caused it all. Mike was amazing, he didn’t deserve a brother like me.
“I’m sorry,’ was all I managed to say. I pulled my arm away from Mike so he didn’t need to see how messed up I was anymore. I slowly breathed in and out. “Don’t worry okay? It was just a mistake. It won’t happen again.”

Mike shook his head. I saw tears blinking in the corners of his eyes. “We both know you’re not able to guarantee that even if you wanted it,” he said sadly. “I just don’t know what to do anymore.”

A small sob escaped my lips. Mike was right. I was a hopeless case. I had the best boyfriend I could wish for and the sweetest brother anyone could ever have. Yet I could not stop myself from hurting myself and them. Why did I have to be so god damn weak?

“Oh shit,” Mike muttered. “That didn’t come out right did it? I didn’t mean it like that.”

“How did you mean it then?” I said, hearing my own voice crack. “Because you’re fucking right. I’m just gonna stay the disappointment I already am.”

“Yeah that’s exactly not the way I meant it,” Mike sighed. “You relapsed Vic, but it’s not weird that it happened. You’re coping with an addiction here, and these just aren’t nice and fun. But that also means the chance you will relapse again is pretty big. That still doesn’t make you a disappointment though. You just have to pick yourself up again after relapsing and try again. I believe in you.”

I didn’t reply. Instead I got up and wrapped my arms around my little brother. “Thank you,” I said softly. I didn’t know what I’d do without him.

We sat there for a while until Mike pulled away from my hug. “You’ll have to tell Kellin though,” he said suddenly. I had seen it coming, but the thought still made my stomach ache. I couldn’t do that to him. “Seriously Vic,” Mike added. “If you keep it a secret he’ll discover it sooner or later anyway and that will hurt him even more.”

“Just don’t make me do it today,” I begged. “He’s going to feel so guilty. And we were supposed to hang out today but that’s not happening and I just really don’t want him to worry about me at Gabe’s party okay? Please.”

Mike nodded. “Alright then,” he said slowly. “I will shut up about it to Kellin, but only if you promise me you will tell him yourself later.”

I nodded quickly, dreading it already. How was I supposed to tell my boyfriend that I relapsed, mostly because of the fight we got in? He was going to feel guilty about something that wasn’t his fault. After all, I was so fucking stupid to think a cold blade to my skin was going to solve my problems. Kellin deserved a better boyfriend.

Notes

Okay sorry guys I think I gotta include some happy chapters here :P
So the next chapter will most probably be about the party (: